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IMPORTANT SITE REMINDERS ARE LISTED AFTER THIS RANT (so please read all of it in order to find the rules >:3)

On this mega I shall take the opportunity to rant about one of my favorite things: the Webnovel UNJUST DEPTHS!

Do you love transgenders?

Do you love communism?

Do you love queer romance?

Do you love killing fascists in a giant fucking mech?

Would a plotline with all of these things happening in a underwater retro-futuristic gundam setting intrigue you?

Especially if its actually really well written with good characters, rich worldbuilding, and a marxist leninist transfem author?

All of the answers should be: YES I DO ~~or else I WILL BAN YOU~~

Since you obviously love all of those things then Unjust Depths is perfect for YOU yes YOU! It is DESTINY

The Imbrian Ocean is at a time of severe instability. The monarch of the vast Empire that spans its unjust depths (:3) is sick and nearing death, every territory of the ocean now vying to carve their own Destiny out of the chaos. From the Volk fascists pigmask-off , Zionists hamas-base (they literally will not die why are they still here oh my god), The 'Anarchists' (social chauvanists) lenin-dont-laugh in Bosporus, and the monarchs gui-trans of each vast noble domain, each vies for power and prestige no matter who they crush underfoot, but it would be a pretty depressing story without a bright light in the dark.

On the edge of the Empire sits the glorious Union! The (Soviet) Union soviet-chad is a socialist federation of three states (and one anarchist mountain left-unity-4 )that were formerly slave colonies under the Imbrian Empire until they broke away in a fierce liberation war. They have spent the last 20 years since then building themselves up. Whether they be Human bridget-disco , Shimmi kbity-how (Catgirls who usually follow a religion closely related to modern Islam), and Kattaran transshork-happy (a hybrid humanoid species with characteristics of sea life ranging from sharks to cuttlefish)building socialism side by side.

First lead under the revolutionary leader Dashka Kansal, then the Idealist Ahwalia who lead the country to near ruin in pursuit of building a utopia on pillars of sand, then under the scientific socialist three-heads-thinking leadership of the Grand Marshall of the Union, Bhavani Jayanskar (I love Jayanskar so much shes basically as if Stalin, Lenin, and Zhukov were rolled into the same person but was a black lesbian badass who wore the uniform REALLY WELL)(she aint the main character at all tho shes only in very few scenes i just love her so much). Under Jayanskar, the Union has been growing their economy to both eliminate hunger and give everyone a home chad-stalin , but also growing their military capabilities for the inevitable return of the Empire. The Union is alone, but with the people by its side nothing, not even Destiny, can snuff out true freedoms light. specter

As war wages between the Empire and Republic (basically underwater USA) once more over the lands between them, the facade begins to finally crack...

And a border conflict between the Empire and Union escalate, and the dreaded reconquest begins.

Amidst this turmoil, lives our main characters (yes there are multiple and all of them are lovely). Each of whom I personally love dearly, and are very well characterized. Many are soldiers of the Union, some are scientists, some are divers (mech pilots), some are lost strands finding new meaning after joining this band of Brigands

All are Communists steban

All serve the Union USSR

All would gladly give their lives to defending socialism comrade-stoic

but even they would have little inkling of the adventure set in store for them as the lands beneath the waves erupt in fire, fury, and revolt

Can these transgender badasses kick fascist ass?

Can they kiss? (oh my god please kiss ISTG THERE IS SO MUCH SHIPPING AHHHH ITS GLORIOUS)

FIND OUT HERE: https://unjustdepths.com/

please do or else I will pout incessantly

just try it pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase i need to talk to someone about it after Cromalin went AFK

(I miss her, she was a real one)

REALLY IMPORTANT RULES BELOW, MUST READ

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[–] ashinadash@hexbear.net 3 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

thicc replies

i cant describe why i like the feeling of people i trust poking fun at me a little bit,

I dunno, here I guess "dork" and "nerd" are so harmless? They don't even have negative definitions really. So using them that way is kinda funny I guess :3

people who talk a lot probably cluster together,

God I sure fucking hope so, and I want them to apologise less for it.

learning that I should be doing something SI-related pretty much every day is helping.

lea-think I do this... almost every day... my special interests..........

i want to hear more about that!!

What really? Uh I dunno, most of my laptops as a kid were Walmart specials, old donated thinkpads or netbooks. Intel isntrael Graphics were the bane of my existence, and due to autism clumsiness I ended up killing several with spilt liquids. The fifth one, a Thinkpad E530 from highschool, is actually still around despite brutal treatment.

i have an absolute burning desire to share my innermost secrets with anyone who will listen,

Okay this is good to know, I was wondering if I had done something weird when you kept saying 'oops never once said that to anyone before' and similar, but if you just wanna share stuff that seems pretty good to me nia-peace

yes, i remember everyone's name on here (actually it's easier with pfps)

Same same, and yeah I feel you. Often I find myself frustrated and angry crying from online fights, but also yea certain bearzone people I'd be pretty sad if they got mad at me haha.

loved the way you expressed it, you must have worked really hard on that!!

waow-based What if I told you I slapped that out at 5am one day...

i'm diagnosed ADHD, suspected autism, which would make me AuDHD I guess.

Very nice, love to see it. Your boyfriend makes me laugh though, Pervasive Developmental Disorder Not Otherwise Specified maybe? His sock system.... and huh, perhaps. Partner chatter...

you suffer so i can read about Maria and be like "literally me fr fr except the heroin lol"

yea Although it tends to be the further I move out from Topside stuff the worse it gets. Me reading Alison Rumfitt lol

Uh I have heard of Active Worlds, oh god wtf that's too much programming stuff, oh god that's horrifying. Only bits and pieces, if you wanna talk to me about programming we should do it in smaller messages sometime lol.

Also, have you considered learning ChoiceScript? You're an excellent writer,

thonk Overcoming my embarrassment and lack of ideas to write Nevada inflected fruity lil twine games.........

If you're brave, Go? It's much lower level though,

I'm not brave but the world needs more low level languages. Retvrn to assembly.

surprisingly little of it needs you to sweat out an algebraic formula.

No, I will trip up on grade school arithmetic even. I am never going to do anything hobbyist or creative I will continue reading books.

That's not more comforting, isn't it...

Nah it's okay I was 99% kidding. I'm not that worried though sleep paralysis sounds like hell.

It's probably gonna hit the text limit

lets-fucking-go

[–] rtstragedy@hexbear.net 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

spoiler

I dunno, here I guess "dork" and "nerd" are so harmless? They don't even have negative definitions really. So using them that way is kinda funny I guess :3

totes

due to autism clumsiness I ended up killing several with spilt liquids.

i have put multiple phones through the washing machines, spilt so much shit on laptops. omg

The fifth one, a Thinkpad E530 from highschool, is actually still around despite brutal treatment.

classic, i think that qualifies for the programmer meme

Okay this is good to know, I was wondering if I had done something weird when you kept saying 'oops never once said that to anyone before' and similar

yeah i like talking abut myself, people don't generally make me feel comfortable like someone who is willing to go 20 replies deep with me does (it's been really rare to have that experience though, i can't think of another time tbh...)

if you're worried about something, i don't mind if you ask

Often I find myself frustrated and angry crying from online fights

extremely avoidant of fights of all kinds here

certain bearzone people I'd be pretty sad if they got mad at me haha.

yep

What if I told you I slapped that out at 5am one day...

i thought you might say that. i think it's usually one or the other for me

Your boyfriend makes me laugh though, Pervasive Developmental Disorder Not Otherwise Specified maybe?

I don't know much about PDD-NOS (but it's possible! I wouldn't be surprised if he was some kind of ND, like maybe ADHD-PI), and the sock thing was an example, like he'll ask a bunch of questions for each question lol and i just have to be like "idk that's what it says." I was confused earlier, he actually scored high on the RBQ-2A, not the RAADS-R. Tired.

Although it tends to be the further I move out from Topside stuff the worse it gets. Me reading Alison Rumfitt lol

maybe someday soon I will know the name. one book at a time and soon i'll have read all the Ash canon...

Uh I have heard of Active Worlds,

really? I'm surprised that anyone younger than me knows about it tbh

oh god wtf that's too much programming stuff, oh god that's horrifying. Only bits and pieces, if you wanna talk to me about programming we should do it in smaller messages sometime lol.

oh, ok sorry. i probably got a little too excited, programming is my biggest thing lol. the only marketable skill/passion i have haha. maybe i'll hold off @ you and if you have specific questions you can ask any time and i'll try to keep it concise?

embarrassment and lack of ideas

fuck, i feel called out by this. this is the biggest reason i can't make anything creative. i force myself just to remake existing things because even if i do have an idea it gets way too big. remaking things is good for building my skills, it's not like i need to care about copyright or anything if it's just for me to get better.

No, I will trip up on grade school arithmetic even.

~~i feel that tbh, basic arithmetic requires so much mental energy and it sucks. all the time when i'm at work and some easy math thing comes up, i've always been like 10 seconds behind everyone trying to count (jfc i can't subtract 2 numbers in my head). luckily someone else is usually faster and says the answer out loud, so i can follow at least. i can spend an hour trying to figure out how to write a simple date comparison, and still get it wrong, its bad. i don't know how people actually think i'm good at my job. percentage calculations?? "easy" multiplication? bitwise operators? anything involving a negative sign? i'll fuck it up, it'll go to production, and people will get mischarged. yes, this happened... sigh... i did so bad in math because of it, i also did so bad in english because i couldnt write essays. i have only one skill, no degree in it (flunked out of college, also was transitioning at that time tbf), just work experience and confidence.~~

~~fuck, this kinda made me sad actually, sorry. i don't mean to imply anything about your abilites with this, i'm only just realizing that there's a name for this kind of thing and thinking out loud for myself.~~

idk about this paragraph on retrospect, probably comes across wrong, sorry

I'm not that worried though sleep paralysis sounds like hell.

oh, you were being figurative, probably, about the sleep paralysis demon... lol

[–] ashinadash@hexbear.net 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

spoiler

i have put multiple phones through the washing machines, spilt so much shit on laptops. omg

i-cant I got better about it by not putting drinks near my laptop tbh.

classic, i think that qualifies for the programmer meme

The E530 is kind of a dogshit thinkpad but yea I have three or four thinkpads lol. I do not code however

i like talking abut myself, people don't generally make me feel comfortable like someone who is willing to go 20 replies deep with me does

waow-based People should do this more often tbh.

extremely avoidant of fights of all kinds here

It is easier here because the average hexbear is miles above the average internet denizen for quality. Decent people here imho, especially the queer ones.

i thought you might say that. i think it's usually one or the other for me

I once spent a whole week writing about a romance novel, that was 6500 words. But generally I get on an "infodump roll" and it all comes cascading out in a day or two lmao. That's how my most sincere writing happens...

like he'll ask a bunch of questions for each question lol and i just have to be like "idk that's what it says."

Sigh, I approve of Questions Man tbqh. Nice!

maybe someday soon I will know the name.

Not Rummfitt, her book sucks lmao. One of the worst horror novels I have read.

I'm surprised that anyone younger than me knows about it tbh

I mostly heard about it as an inexplicable artifact honestly. I think it's also the only active software using Renderware anymore?

oh, ok sorry. i probably got a little too excited,

Yeah I dunno, I'll probably never be able to do it, it's whatever. I do appreciate that you wrote so much out though, I did read everything fwiw.

this is the biggest reason i can't make anything creative.

Kind of sucks, at least remaking things is good practice though. And you have ideas even if they get too big, that's something.

idk about this paragraph on retrospect

Nah I thought it was fine, don't worry. I guess I have some kind of lingering shit around not just reactionary postsecondary institutions but also educational/academic ability generally.

oh, you were being figurative, probably,

yeag :)

[–] rtstragedy@hexbear.net 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

spoilerokay, this is going to be a short reply since i've been blowing your inbox up for 2 (3? how does time?) days now and i'm sure you want to be doing other things too lol

I got better about it by not putting drinks near my laptop tbh.

lol yep, i have a sippy cup water bottle that Partner bought for me, i have dropped it SO MUCH, on SO MANY keyboards lmfao i'm pretty sure i'm a brain transplant. i refuse to have anything with an open top on my desk (coffee mug also has a sealing lid)

The E530 is kind of a dogshit thinkpad but I have three or four thinkpads lol.

thats cool as shit, i dont know individual Thinkpad models but i would 100% read/listen to an infodump on it.

People should do this more often tbh.

my take on this is that if someone is willing to put up with this much from me, that i should appreciate them and try to fight my own fears of being seen as my real self, push past my mask and try and be as honest as possible. so, thank you (and also i agree, wtf, barely anyone lets me finish omg, or i can tell they're not listening, or they're overwhelmed. bah, text-based communication it is for me)

It is easier here because the average hexbear is miles above the average internet denizen for quality. Decent people here imho, especially the queer ones.

yeah, agree. i learned not to post back in my 4chan days, and from no one responding to me on Facebook. this place good. i have an absolute cutie in my inbox right now talking to me about Castle of the Winds and it is precious i love it i have to respond

I once spent a whole week writing about a romance novel, that was 6500 words. But generally I get on an "infodump roll" and it all comes cascading out in a day or two lmao. That's how my most sincere writing happens...

absolutely. i think i got the text done for a post that i'm sure no one will read lol, and while i was working on the boring bits and framing devices slowly over the past few days, i got really emotional about all of it today and wrote something absolutely heart-wrenching (to me), and suddenly the entire post changed from something about a dumb game into something really really deeply personal that i didn't even know i was feeling until I started crying lol. just need to get all the screenshots together which i'll do tonight (gotta move my PC from the living room to the dining room where my non-office desk is on the table lol). ready to receive 2 upvotes and 0 replies! lol. (gotta keep those expectations ankle high so that i'm not disappointed ... or something) (i really hope it doesn't turn out like the Skyrim thread, oh god)

Sigh, I approve of Questions Man tbqh. Nice!

he actually got a whole bunch of dental work done yesterday and he came home a totally different person - he feels alive to me again. i'm not able to talk today so we're chatting over text lol, i didn't realize how much the dental stuff was weighing on him over the past few months (neither did he) poor guy. so nice to have him back

Not Rummfitt, her book sucks lmao. One of the worst horror novels I have read.

noted. at this point, i'd probably just ask you about a book before i started reading it, we clearly have similar tastes

I mostly heard about it as an inexplicable artifact honestly. I think it's also the only active software using Renderware anymore?

active? wow! it's still around? i'm not going back, but that's right i remember it having a little scripting language and trying to figure out how to load rwx models into my own games. i couldn't get a bootleg dev kit for renderware or else i would have used it for my AW clone, lol. all of the completely stupid copycat things i'd build had vgmusic .mid s playing in them to to really sell the vibe. and random teleports when you click on things. magical.

Yeah I dunno, I'll probably never be able to do it, it's whatever. I do appreciate that you wrote so much out though, I did read everything fwiw.

thank you for saying that, i hope ... idk which outcome for you, but i hope you can feel good about it no matter the outcome, whether you can or can't, or do or don't, you know? or at least make peace with it? i'm messed up still about some stuff i want to do but can't too, i don't know how to be ok about it. i rant about this further down.

aside, i'm in a meeting right now where people are talking about security & compliance "review" (ie. one guy at the company becoming defacto yet another barrier to actually doing my job) for every line of code and i just want to die, i hate programming lol, i tried to do anything else in college like medicine, psychology... did horribly. i would love to switch careers, maybe become a medical lab tech or the person that takes blood or something.

Kind of sucks, at least remaking things is good practice though. And you have ideas even if they get too big, that's something.

totally, but the "big ideas" are rare and i usually tear them up anyway because they don't feel authentic, like i'm copying someone else, or assembling things together, or i don't like it the next day. i've given up kinda on being any kind of artist except something like a raccoon, stringing together trash and memes into a slurry (do raccoons do this?), and even that feels unauthentic, like some kind of defense mechanism. idk, i clearly am conflicted about many things haha.

Nah I thought it was fine, don't worry. I guess I have some kind of lingering shit around not just reactionary postsecondary institutions but also educational/academic ability generally.

cat-trans

i may not know exactly what you're referring to (other than your previous comment) but i definitely feel a bit of that. the only courses i could do well in were electrical engineering ones in highschool (i liked breadboarding & soldering a lot, it's really just a stim, you place the chips, figure out how to run the wires, cut the wires, put them in the right spots, line everything up nice and neat..., except i was slow and exhausted all the time lol because boolean logic and binary addition is kinda math, isn't it?), or programming related. essays? can't write them (i know right?! i am writing a billion words right now). math? like running a marathon. ask me to read The Road (college literature course required for a degree that i fucking flunked and re-took 3 times and still failed)? can't get past the second chapter, and definitely not with all the other courses. I have a brain made for programming, adventure games, IQ tests (which are fucking stupid ... ugh, I don't have the words to describe them), and queer fiction, but not much else. "gifted" my ass

once, a teacher shouted at me, in front of my parents (who were across the country, so over the phone) for "not trying." i literally didn't even remember this until my mom mentioned it a few weeks ago, i must have disassociated out of the galaxy lol.

uhh, anyway, if you want to share anytime feel free

...shit, i literally cannot write a short post.

[–] ashinadash@hexbear.net 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

A SHORT REPLY LMFAOAs soon as I read that my eyebrow went up.

i have a sippy cup water bottle

waow-based Yeah I destroyed a lot of keyboards and stuff too, lol. Drainage holes on thinkpads are important, my E530 has endured water, soda and soup at various points, still chuggin.

i dont know individual Thinkpad models but i would 100% read/listen to an infodump on it.

I mean, I could be /g/ for you, it's mostly pretty tame stuff though. Aside from chiclet keys I do not have many hot takes.

try to fight my own fears of being seen as my real self, push past my mask and try and be as honest as possible.

This is just a good thing to learn in general! But also you are welcome meow-petted I can relate, in person this much chatter might be a bit much to parse, lol

i have an absolute cutie in my inbox right now talking to me about Castle of the Winds and it is precious i love it i have to respond

lets-fucking-go

i got the text done for a post that i'm sure no one will read lol

I read it. madeline-stare The little personal anecdotes and such randomly interspersed into the game stuff make it standout, good post.

poor guy. so nice to have him back

party-blob RETURN OF SAFE PARTNER party-blob

we clearly have similar tastes

brow Are you sure... I am a fuckin freak........

all of the completely stupid copycat things i'd build had vgmusic .mid s playing in them to to really sell the vibe. and random teleports when you click on things. magical.

Oh no this is so based though.... magical indeed...

thank you for saying that, i hope ... idk which outcome for you, but i hope you can feel good about

Idk, I doubt I'll get peace with it anytime soon. I guess I'm glad I don't code though....

the "big ideas" are rare and i usually tear them up anyway because they don't feel authentic, like i'm copying someone else, or assembling things together,

You become a transformative raccoon at some point though right? All great creators take and update.

The fact that western postsecondary education is your enemy means that we are comrades in arms, you can call upon me if you ever start a hostile takeover of any educational institution and I will fight to the last breath alongside you against our oppressors. We will make the slime that passes for "educators" in this sick western society pay their debt.

[–] rtstragedy@hexbear.net 3 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

haha i have been endlessly refreshing to see if i get more replies on the other post, so i saw this as soon as you posted it... see the trick to get me to post shortly is to somehow get me not to respond when i'm supposed to be working lol.

i don't remember why we are spoiler tagging tbh

As soon as I read that my eyebrow went up.

I surprised myself with that post lol. I was trying ... too much to say...

Drainage holes on thinkpads are important

wait, what?! why have I never heard of this? that's so clever!!

I mean, I could be /g/ for you, it's mostly pretty tame stuff though. Aside from chiclet keys I do not have many hot takes.

tbh, they don't need to be hot takes for me to enjoy reading them. i also like cool takes, room temperature, chilled, iced, i like all kinds. i do remember /g/, i sure did get some bad qualities it took me a while to purge from there tbh

I can relate, in person this much chatter might be a bit much to parse, lol

i promise i do not talk this much in person. although ... if we had met in person, i wonder what the conversation would have been like... would i have talked a lot, or a little? a lot of the time in person i just listen, esp if someone is capital T Talking about something they like, or sometimes make dumb jokes. i'm sure it would have been very different. this is better

The little personal anecdotes and such randomly interspersed into the game stuff make it standout, good post.

kitty-cri thank you. i don't really know what my expectations were ... but i enjoyed writing it, and hearing that made it all worth it.

Are you sure... I am a fuckin freak........

i really liked your Imago post idk, and everything else you've liked that I've had time to get into has been pretty cool. i'm sure there will be something eventually, but ngl i kinda just wanted to respond with "try me"

Idk, I doubt I'll get peace with it anytime soon. I guess I'm glad I don't code though....

meow-hug

You become a transformative raccoon at some point though right? All great creators take and update.

this is true, but i only learned about it a little while ago when Partner was watching videos on making pixel art for the game he was helping me with. I'm not sure I've gotten that far though

The fact that western postsecondary education is your enemy means that we are comrades in arms, you can call upon me if you ever start a hostile takeover of any educational institution and I will fight to the last breath alongside you against our oppressors. We will make the slime that passes for "educators" in this sick western society pay their debt.

based

edit: well fuck this one actually looked short to me, i think it's all the quotes that make it look long. must be, mmhmm.

[–] ashinadash@hexbear.net 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Mostly because the replies are huge, I worry about clogging the thread Idk

wait, what?! why have I never heard of this? that's so clever!!

I know right, not every thinkpad has them, my R51 died to grape juice. But most 15" and 14" ones do and it saves em often...

tbh, they don't need to be hot takes for me to enjoy reading them.

Waow... maybe I will thinkpadpost sometime...

if we had met in person, i wonder what the conversation would have been like...

I like to think I could uphold my Ideals in person but to be real circumstance depending, I probably would have run away before it even started sadly. Idk how to do this in meatspace, online better.

but i enjoyed writing it, and hearing that made it all worth it.

meow-petted

but ngl i kinda just wanted to respond with "try me"

I wonder what weird picks I would throw at someone and expect them not to like, hmmmmm......

I'm not sure I've gotten that far though

Idk, you could probably do it and it would probably be cool honestly.

based

fidel-salute

well fuck this one actually looked short to me,

Yeah big back and forths like this tend to fold down to less replies naturally, par for the course and not a bad thing. Couldn't talk like this forever lol

[–] rtstragedy@hexbear.net 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

no clog

I know right, not every thinkpad has them, my R51 died to grape juice. But most 15" and 14" ones do and it saves em often...

damn, grape juice. that's rough. i once had a pet rat pee on my laptop, it uh slowly degraded after that. i think she wanted attention...

Waow... maybe I will thinkpadpost sometime...

cool!! link me!!

I like to think I could uphold my Ideals in person

wow, as soon as I read this, I realized that's exactly how it feels. IRL I'm pretty meek, i mean, i'm pretty meek online too, only around Safe Partner do I rant about imperialism. to my friends it's all like "well you know maybe we should uh do something about uh ~our economic system~

Idk how to do this in meatspace, online better.

i remember people saying the internet wasn't real to me when i was young. aged like milk tbh. incidentally, i just watched Serial Experiments Lain again, and not only is she literally me fr fr when I was a tiny enby, but I finally understand the core conflict about the Wired (Internet) becoming real, more real that life even. I think it was predictive - I think online might actually be a better place to try and change people's opinions than in person. I'm biased tho, lol

I wonder what weird picks I would throw at someone and expect them not to like, hmmmmm......

this is a real test of your rtstragedy knowledge (ok, there's gotta be a shorter version of my handle)

Idk, you could probably do it and it would probably be cool honestly.

i usually don't get far enough to even making something before i can transform it. i used to be able to write music and stuff, now i just shitpost and read i guess. before the summer i was self-teaching piano since i like making video-game style music (i'm not good at it, in case you were wondering), but Partner took some time off of violin so I have taken a break too. the piano is a rental, lol

Yeah big back and forths like this tend to fold down to less replies naturally, par for the course and not a bad thing. Couldn't talk like this forever lol

totally, i've had this thought in my head like "what are we gonna do when the thread rolls over" lol.

[–] ashinadash@hexbear.net 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

spoilerI love that pet rat though, that's sorta funny. Beloved biggs

wow, as soon as I read this, I realized that's exactly how it feels.

Yeah, mostly I only mean socially though. I have fought my dad a little about Palestine, to no avail. But I am woefully socially inept irl, so I can't really talk to people much. The five-senses input pulls my focus from the conversation...

not only is she literally me fr fr when I was a tiny enby,

Oh based as fuck, congrats on becoming fullsized btw. I should watch Lain sometime, it is a classic it seems...

this is a real test of your rtstragedy knowledge

Wife and I have been saying "rts" for short in conversation, lol. I have no idea though, trouble is I believe very firmly in the things I give solid recs to, mostly. I guess people may not like This Is How You Lose The Time War for its fucky chronology and avant-garde tone.

now i just shitpost and read i guess.

Lol same, cool that Safe Partner plays music too though, you both have so many skills and hobbies waowee...

We are gonna POST when the thread rolls over!!!!

[–] rtstragedy@hexbear.net 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

i dont know how to nest spoiler tags.

frick, i keep doing it

I love that pet rat though, that's sorta funny.

haha yeah i dont have pets now, but i think rodents are cute :3 rats are pretty cool, apparently they communicate above the range of human hearing (obv don't adopt wild rats, they can have diseases apparently)

Yeah, mostly I only mean socially though. I have fought my dad a little about Palestine, to no avail.

oh no, sorry that that didn't work out. i usually fillibuster my parents about communism, i'm an only child, what are they gonna do? talk to their dog? (their dog is very cute and my dad loves her to pieces lol) my mom is Russian/Ukrainian (Ukrainian mom, Russian (dead) dad) so it's been surprising to hear her start agreeing on this stuff as she was very anti-communist prior as her parents fled Russia "for practicing religion" (I don't have the historical knowledge to unpack what that could mean). When I feel safe, I guess I can talk freely, but there's no way I'd be able to talk about this kind of stuff outside my Partner and family. I used to talk very angrily at them ... I've softened a lot. So have they. I cut them off for nearly an entire decade when I transitioned. I still refuse to talk to the extended family.

But I am woefully socially inept irl, so I can't really talk to people much. The five-senses input pulls my focus from the conversation...

i hear you, i struggle with trying to maintain cisheteroneuronormativity as well as distractions and sensory issues in public spaces, so i mostly just mask and do small talk, or talk about something safe like tech. unfortunately, masking for me also means political-normativity, so at best i'm doing some weak-kneed suggestions about Parenti, or talking about UBI lol.

Oh based as fuck, congrats on becoming fullsized btw. I should watch Lain sometime, it is a classic it seems...

First time I watched, I thought it was edgy for edgy's sake, and maybe that's a bit true (starts with a suicide, but I think it's meant to be read as metaphorical). It avoids a lot of anime tropes, but ... shit, ok, here we go...

spoiler spoilers for Serial Experiments Lain, but mostly aesthetic spoilers so I really like Lain as a character.

  • I like her outfits - I read the one especially in the intro as her being simultaneously dressed too young and too old for her age, and I really really relate to that, as someone who literally can't understand age at all, or fashion, etc.
  • I like her quiet demeanor - when I was young, I used to be that stereotype. I didn't talk to basically anyone at school, and at recess I would just walk around the edge of the playground, lost in my own fantasies. I now know this is an autism thing, lol.
  • She is computers. Her room slowly fills up with more and more gear and becomes absolutely abnormal as the series progresses and this is actually how my relationship to technology feels. I uh, may have a server rack in my garage (okay BUT there's only one server in it right now...i got rid of the other two...)

I also really like her friend Alice, who is the best friend I wished I had when I was in school. I read her as trying to include Lain in things, even though her friends were a bit apprehensive, and genuinely caring. Damn, she's great. :::

Wife and I have been saying "rts" for short in conversation, lol.

uhh I still call you Tactics Ogre Enjoyer to Safe Partner, I hope that's ok... it takes me a very long time to be able to refer to someone by name to someone else when someone else doesn't know them personally. I don't know why, its a weird brain thing for me, like I don't have permission to use their real name (or even handle) somehow lol.

I usually name all my characters in video games Kara (not my real name, in case you are worried), you could try that if it's easier to say, but its nbd. I don't even know why I picked this name lol, it's a self-deprecating joke about how I mispronounce words... my real name is super common anyway, so it'd probably be nbd, but in the spirit of opsec this is probably better.

I guess people may not like This Is How You Lose The Time War for its fucky chronology and avant-garde tone.

As agents Red and Blue travel back and forth through time, altering the history of multiple universes on behalf of their warring empires, they leave each other secret messagesβ€”at first taunting, but gradually developing into flirtation then love. When Red's commanding officer detects the interaction between Red and Blue, she forces Red to send Blue a message that will kill Blue when it is readβ€”even though she is warned of the danger, Blue reads the message anyway.

haha, nice try, this sounds fucking sick actually and i'm going to read it. we'll see if i can handle the fucky chronology though, sometimes I do struggle with that.

Lol same, cool that Safe Partner plays music too though, you both have so many skills and hobbies waowee...

i cycle through things, or go through seasons being into something. it sounds better than it is i think.

We are gonna POST when the thread rolls over!!!!

hmm idk not sure, write words to people on the internet? lea-think couldn't be me ... wouldn't have been a week ago... :::

[–] ashinadash@hexbear.net 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

FRICK

obv don't adopt wild rats,

Oh no ofc, I just appreciate all rodents and other similar Lil Guys. I mean what are cats if not oversized rodents?

i usually fillibuster my parents about communism, i'm an only child, what are they gonna do? talk to their dog?

waow-based Also Idk, if the soviet gubmint was oppressing the church, good, lmao. Also I'm glad to hear you've made tiny bits of progress with your parents, by like cutting them off for a decade, classic strat I use it myself.

i struggle with trying to maintain cisheteroneuronormativity

I do not do this :3 I am the weird autist everywhere I go. Although I do engage in the "mask and just talk about safe topics" because am I gonna explain Unjust Depths or even Wayhaven to my 60something year old dad??? I did make him really mad by saying that the existence of Russia as it stands is entirely the west's fault, lmao.

It avoids a lot of anime tropes, but ... shit, ok, here we go...

Yeah sounds breddy gud honestly =)

uhh I still call you Tactics Ogre Enjoyer to Safe Partner,

This makes me snort, and Tactics Ogre Enjoyer's Wife? I said to wifey that of all possible things to be identified by, that's a pretty good one, lmao. You can feel free to use Ash or Ashina for me though, less of a mouthful lol. I will attempt to affect "Kara" though, saw on your Wayhaven save!! Very cool!!

lol, it's a self-deprecating joke about how I mispronounce words...

HEY FUCK YOU, maddened My wife and I went back and forth for ages about its pronounciation and still stumble over it often!!! Grrrrrrrr joke too good!!

haha, nice try, this sounds fucking sick actually and i'm going to read it

Alright well good luck ✨ it's a little aloof for some people but it is popular Idk.

i cycle through things, or go through seasons being into something.

waow-based Hyperfixations.... cycling special interests...

wouldn't have been a week ago

Lfg online messages gang!!!!

[–] rtstragedy@hexbear.net 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

it happened againok i'm at work, i'm working, need to work the working, so this post will be short (she is lying)

Oh no ofc, I just appreciate all rodents and other similar Lil Guys. I mean what are cats if not oversized rodents?

damn totally, i love animals, allergic to cats tho :(

if the soviet gubmint was oppressing the church, good, lmao.

i uh don't use this language in front of them, but I have been to Russian churches, and seem what that kind of belief system provides. I ... secretly ... agree, completely. It fucked me up, I'm thirty-X years and still struggle with things from it.

by like cutting them off for a decade, classic strat I use it myself.

haha many such cases

I do not do this :3 I am the weird autist everywhere I go.

this is why I like you & magi, I love this. I'm sick of hiding, it's so much effort. And if I have to hide, I want to minimize the amount of time I'm doing it. I was masking 24/7, even from Safe Partner, before I discovered what it was. I'm finding myself unable to mask in some situations, now that I know what it is (and I'm also finding that I was not masking already in a lot of ways) - I have a problem presenting anything but authentically. I can't lie or even lie by omission (as I'm sure you've noticed, I give big answers to small questions because, in part, I want no room for misunderstandings).

Although I do engage in the "mask and just talk about safe topics" because am I gonna explain Unjust Depths or even Wayhaven to my 60something year old dad???

tru, I have not mentioned Wayhaven, but I would probably talk to him about Unjust Depths (once I read it) just to confuse him or to rant about communism lol. They like hearing about communism from me, he feels very seen when I start talking about it, my mom too I think. He usually likes it when I rant for an hour or two, but sometimes I feel like I should at least attempt to talk about things he might be interested in.

I did make him really mad by saying that the existence of Russia as it stands is entirely the west's fault, lmao.

based, let's hope it's the kind of mad that turns into eventual agreement.

Yeah sounds breddy gud honestly =)

thank you for reading!! i never know how long anything I write will be, it can be tough to figure out how much I have to say until I'm actually saying it, and I try not to give only partial thoughts. Every serious post is all in for me, unless I am tired or distracted.

This makes me snort, and Tactics Ogre Enjoyer's Wife? I said to wifey that of all possible things to be identified by, that's a pretty good one, lmao.

I call magi Goth Wife, actually (I hope that's ok!!!). I'm glad to hear you talk about me, I thought I was being weird doing the same with Safe Partner. At least knowing it's mutual helps haha. I've called you Tactics Ogre Enjoyer since I saw you posting about Tactics Ogre, before we started really talking and while I was still too scared to post. I will try to update my mental model haha, but it may take a while. (also, how to pronounce magi? "maj-eye"? "mah-jee"?)

(this is extremely weird sorry...) I struggle to try to explain the nickname thing, I do it for some people. There's something weirdly intimate about me in particular referring to a person by a name that could be given to an actual human, it's like saying they're a close friend, or that I would be sad if they stopped talking to me or disappeared. (100% not an issue on the receiving end, dw). Maybe it's that I get a lot of emotions about people easily, and this lets me kind of keep a polite distance to protect myself. That's the best interpretation I have right now, maybe hold off reading too much into it as I'm not totally confident this is 100% me fr fr yet. I use nicknames for fun, too, they're usually fun to say, and it's 100% used as a term of endearment.

Of course, I figure I'm the only one that thinks this way, since it's really really weird lol.

I will attempt to affect "Kara" though, saw on your Wayhaven save!! Very cool!!

oh shit, actually, was the last name on there?

My wife and I went back and forth for ages about its pronounciation and still stumble over it often!!! Grrrrrrrr joke too good!!

it's a unique vocal thing I do, I mix up phenomes in words, sometimes I swap back and forth between correct and not. Words like stragedy, stanima, etc. I didn't notice until people pointed it out, but I kinda refuse to change it. It's how I talk, people should deal with it, and I refuse to change it because I think it's cute and I already spend a lot of energy talking as is without worrying about it. soviet-huff if anyone I knew IRL read this post they'd probably know my online handle from this lol, show yourselves cowards

edit: struggling with pronouns sorry!

[–] ashinadash@hexbear.net 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Okay well I'm blowing up your inbox but don't fuss, just prioritise what you need

allergic to cats tho :(

yea I am too but I have a cat anyway tbh

I ... secretly ... agree, completely. It fucked me up, I'm thirty-X years and still struggle with things from it.

rat-salute-2 I hope you can win the struggle. Also welcome to the resistance, if you want to join the cultural revolution on kkkhristianity, there will always be a place for you ❀

this is why I like you & magi, I love this. I'm sick of hiding,

waow-based Genuinely flattered at this, thank you lol. I mean safety is a factor but not-masking is a good thing, although I do find it kinda funny that you just can't now, honestly. Also re: leaving long replies to minimise misunderstanding, waow relatable.

but I would probably talk to him about Unjust Depths (once I read it) just to confuse him or to rant about communism lol.

My dad is one of those USamerican guys (he is KKKanadian but lol) who grew up in the 60s and drank the CIA koolaid, he earnestly still lives in a red scare and thinks Vladimir Putin is an ebil gommunist dictator who is gonna take over yurop. I am pretty sure he would unironically kill me if I said "there is a specter haunting all of europe" lmao. I wish my parents were open to communism rambles like yours... I might make progress with dad but it's like arguing against the state department lol.

Every serious post is all in for me,

lets-fucking-go

I call her Goth Wife, actually (I hope that's ok!!!).

I told her and she laughed, I think that's breddy gud. Her username is pronounced "māge-eye" like the Zelda magi, I guess. Also waow you read the Ogrepost ✨ I talk with wifey about bearsite goings-on very frequently, honestly. It's big social.

(this is extremely weird sorry...)

Nah you're fine dw, it's about familiarity, I see. Makes perfect sense to me, although I can admit I don't put as much weight on nicknames.

oh shit, actually, was the last name on there?

Not to my memory?

I mix up phenomes in words, sometimes I swap back and forth between correct and not. Words like stragedy, stanima, etc. I didn't notice until people pointed it out, but I kinda refuse to change it.

MAKING PEOPLE DEAL WITH YOUR AUTISM HABITS lets-fucking-go This is extremely based, I love to see it.

[–] rtstragedy@hexbear.net 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

i actually get excited when people i feel safe around blow up my inbox

I am too but I have a cat anyway tbh

damn that's based, wish i had cat. love visiting cats, they're just like me fr fr

Also welcome to the resistance, if you want to join the cultural revolution on kkkhristianity, there will always be a place for you ❀

fuck yes

although I do find it kinda funny that you just can't now, honestly.

it's funny, and kind of a relief lol. luckily there have been very few consequences, and I try to keep a lot of it under wraps still, but if I get deep into a conversation with someone or something unexpected happens in a social situation whoops there it goes.

...I might make progress with dad but it's like arguing against the state department lol.

oh no, that really sucks, frick why do people not think past propaganda? is it material interests? it's probably material interests, isn't it... i have and had very mixed feelings about the idea of family in general, preferring the idea of "found family" to blood family. my family is very large and very shitty, so I cut most of them off entirely with no desire to reconnect, despite their advances and reassurances from my mom that "they're okay with how you are, as Kara, they use your name..." like, what do i have to gain from talking to the Christian cishet nutjobs? I'm not planning on having kids and that's all they care about.

Her username is pronounced "māge-eye" like the Zelda magi, I guess.

noted!

Also waow you read the Ogrepost ✨

i did, back when it was posted, but haven't gone back yet haha. Partner read it last week because I insisted lol

I talk with wifey about bearsite goings-on very frequently, honestly. It's big social.

ya same

Nah you're fine dw, it's about familiarity, I see. Makes perfect sense to me, although I can admit I don't put as much weight on nicknames.

yeah, i'm not sure I have it figured out. surprised by my own emotions again...

Not to my memory?

I went back and found it, and removed the image from the post. It was one of the suggested last names in the game, but still uhhh yeah shit I shouldn't say more.

MAKING PEOPLE DEAL WITH YOUR AUTISM HABITS

lol. i mean, it's never malicious, but people usually think it's cute, so...

[–] ashinadash@hexbear.net 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

spoiler

love visiting cats, they're just like me fr fr

yea They truly are just like me fr fr

it's funny, and kind of a relief lol.

Good!! I worry sometimes because I don't wanna be saying JUST YAP AUTISTICALLY IRL if it could put people in danger, so I'm happy to hear you had a good experience with it, mostly.

frick why do people not think past propaganda? is it material interests? it's probably material interests, isn't it...

Idk, my dad just took it at face value and thinks commies are bad and killed billions. It's very fucking silly. He knows the governments in imperial core nations are bullshitters and yet... this.

preferring the idea of "found family" to blood family. my family is very large and very shitty, so I cut most of them off entirely

Absolutely based, and yeah fuck these people. I can only imagine that even "accepting" cishet christian nutjobs would have freakish thoughts about trans people and having kids.

Partner read it last week because I insisted lol

Okay this fucked me up, lmao. People are passing my thing around to others waow...

surprised by my own emotions again...

This happens to me a lot, if I haven't felt something before I feel it BIIIIIG

and removed the image from the post

Oh yeah okay, soz. I was pretty sure it was a suggested name, yeah.

t's never malicious, but people usually think it's cute, so...

I can admit some autism habits are cute tbqh..................

[–] rtstragedy@hexbear.net 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

spoiler

Good!! I worry sometimes because I don't wanna be saying JUST YAP AUTISTICALLY IRL if it could put people in danger, so I'm happy to hear you had a good experience with it, mostly.

generally, programmers are pretty ND or have some ND traits, so it helps me blend in. and i don't get out much, lol.

Idk, my dad just took it at face value and thinks commies are bad and killed billions. It's very fucking silly. He knows the governments in imperial core nations are bullshitters and yet... this.

oh, yeah, the both sides... good luck :/ but I do want to say my parents went through that. my dad was a Musk lover for a bit, he'd agree with all the things i'd tell him, and then also repeat liberal talking points. still sometimes he whines about "this thing is garbage because it was MADE IN CHINA." I calmly explain every time, and eventually he starts correcting himself... eventually...

Absolutely based, and yeah fuck these people. I can only imagine that even "accepting" cishet christian nutjobs would have freakish thoughts about trans people and having kids.

actually, I have a lot of thoughts about found family based on our earlier conversations, I'll post about it sometime soon, maybe tonight or something.

Okay this fucked me up, lmao. People are passing my thing around to others waow...

in a good way?

This happens to me a lot, if I haven't felt something before I feel it BIIIIIG

helps to know i'm not alone, lol

I can admit some autism habits are cute tbqh..................

yes absolutely. i love hearing/reading infodumps usually, this is something i find cute and awesome about autistic people - they way they can write a thousand words about a short story and make me feel it too. that ruled, btw.

[–] ashinadash@hexbear.net 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

spoiler

so it helps me blend in. and i don't get out much, lol.

Based and based, I wish my autism helped me blend in, but I also don't get out much soooo...

"this thing is garbage because it was MADE IN CHINA."

My dad does this and it's very funny. He thinks china bad which is y'know, blegh.

actually, I have a lot of thoughts about found family based on our earlier conversations,

Aw fuck yeah looking for gorup, looking for grooooup!!!!!! New post!!!!!

in a good way?

Yeah in a good way =) that's one of my proudest posts so y'know.

helps to know i'm not alone, lol

It's an emotional regulation thing, I have to know a feeling so I can put internal strategies in place to be regulated about it.

this is something i find cute and awesome about autistic people - they way they can write a thousand words about a short story and make me feel it too. that ruled, btw.

crush Naw it was just a dorky post cmon.... I mean I agree but not about my stuff yaknow...

[–] rtstragedy@hexbear.net 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

spoiler

My dad does this and it's very funny. He thinks china bad which is y'know, blegh.

i just remind him all the good things that he thinks arent made in China are actually made in China

Aw fuck yeah looking for gorup, looking for grooooup!!!!!! New post!!!!!

As soon as I saw you doing this in my inbox I immediately had to tell Partner excitedly, lmao.

It's an emotional regulation thing, I have to know a feeling so I can put internal strategies in place to be regulated about it.

Oh! This makes sense. Yeah, I've been feeling a lot of new feelings lately. Not really sure about any of it, lol, but I think that I probably do this too. It's been a strange couple of months in general, since I started seeing Cool Therapist. I went from just thinking I wanted to go back on ADHD medication and feeling like I had too many hobbies and being sad about that to being like "I want my full time job to be posting on bear site. Someone pay me." and "also, autistic btw." I've read so many books, listened to so many different autistic people on YouTube, made an effort post in one of these threads a while back about it too for someone...

Then I read the Gender Accelerator. And now I'm reading Orange Book (slowly lol, the bear site is very good and fun actually) and giving work the respect it deserves (lol).

Naw it was just a dorky post cmon.... I mean I agree but not about my stuff yaknow...

no exceptions, sorry you'll just have to accept this, your posts are good actually

[–] ashinadash@hexbear.net 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

::: spoiler spoiler

all the good things that he thinks arent made in China are actually made in China

some-controversy

As soon as I saw you doing this in my inbox

anya-heh kinda funny bit tbh

Yeah, I've been feeling a lot of new feelings lately.

That sounds like a lot of really good turnaround since you've been seeing Cool Therapist, then, which sounds rad as fuck. And then gender theory! Also waow I sure wish my fulltime job was posting...

you'll just have to accept this, your posts are good actually

not-built-for-this

[–] rtstragedy@hexbear.net 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

spoiler

That sounds like a lot of really good turnaround since you've been seeing Cool Therapist, then, which sounds rad as fuck. And then gender theory! Also waow I sure wish my fulltime job was posting...

totally, i'm happy about it. i'm trying to work on this fond family post, but realizing that ... i don't actually have any answers for any of it. i just kinda started writing and then ran into a wall, lol

[–] ashinadash@hexbear.net 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I believe in you though :3 glad you are happy abt it.

[–] rtstragedy@hexbear.net 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

cat-trans

(oh, it finally happened, didn't it)

[–] ashinadash@hexbear.net 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] rtstragedy@hexbear.net 2 points 2 months ago

(i am not sure honestly. i am trying to decide if i should change my profile picture or not ... i did not expect it to be this big of a decision)