this post was submitted on 28 Nov 2023
953 points (94.9% liked)
Comic Strips
12725 readers
4453 users here now
Comic Strips is a community for those who love comic stories.
The rules are simple:
- The post can be a single image, an image gallery, or a link to a specific comic hosted on another site (the author's website, for instance).
- The comic must be a complete story.
- If it is an external link, it must be to a specific story, not to the root of the site.
- You may post comics from others or your own.
- If you are posting a comic of your own, a maximum of one per week is allowed (I know, your comics are great, but this rule helps avoid spam).
- The comic can be in any language, but if it's not in English, OP must include an English translation in the post's 'body' field (note: you don't need to select a specific language when posting a comic).
- Politeness.
- Adult content is not allowed. This community aims to be fun for people of all ages.
Web of links
- !linuxmemes@lemmy.world: "I use Arch btw"
- !memes@lemmy.world: memes (you don't say!)
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
If feel like us guys are at a disadvantage here. All our lives were are told not to complain unless we bring a solution, not to cry, get up, keep moving.
Then suddenly the thought pattern we have been trained on all our lives turns out to not be healthy for supporting others and it's a hard transition to make when we want so desperately to help and are asked not to.
Not saying it's wrong, just hard.
Listening is helping. It took me a while to get that, but we're helping just by being quiet.
Yes, but there's a disconnect between helping directly and helping indirectly. Listening is indirect help, passive help. It's helping simply by existing, which is antithetical to the above commenters train of logic.
I'm not saying you're wrong, or that it's not something that people should learn to do... but it's not always something you can solve by making that connection.
Many people don't want advice and that's fine. I complain not because I want them to fix it but because it helps me organize my thoughts and verify that my complaints are valid so that I can see if it's something I can fix myself, often though complaining about bad things that I cannot fix. I am perfectly capable of handling problems as an adult, but people need to vent so they can actually focus on a solution.
Not in my experience. The listener is helping the speaker organize their thoughts, work through their feelings, and (in some cases) decide on a course of action. The listener needs to ask questions, understand the speaker, and help them sort things out.
In a spouse or friend situation, the listener is probably also providing emotional support. Which can be immensely helpful, since it validates the speaker.
There's also follow up. The listener should talk to the speaker and see how their feelings have evolved.
Yup. It's akin to "not making a choice is itself a choice". It doesn't feel like it is, but can be equally impactful.
I think my problem is also we're told to be empathetic and emotionally present. So what we're being asked to do is suffer alongside without being able to alleviate the suffering.
I find this much more difficult than solving whatever the problem is, because, maybe I'm weird, but I feel pretty much all the suffering around me as if it's happening to me, and especially when it's my wife suffering.
I know that isn't actually what people think they are asking for, but it sure feels like it so often.
Thanks for putting this into words for me.
Perhaps everyone wants to vent a while before they get a solution, but men aren't allowed to do that.