Florida Man, Florida Man, Florida Man meets Rational Man...

cross-posted from: https://feddit.uk/post/19495382

A woman who pleaded guilty to dressing as a clown and in 1990 murdering the wife of a man she later married was released from prison on Saturday, ending a case that has been strange even by Florida standards.

Sheila Keen-Warren, 61, was released 18 months after she pleaded guilty to second-degree murder for the shooting of Marlene Warren, Florida department of corrections records show. The plea deal came shortly before her trial would have started.

Keen-Warren, who has maintained her innocence even after her plea, was sentenced to 12 years in prison. But she had been in custody for seven years since her arrest in 2017, and Florida’s law in 1990 allowed significant credit for good behavior. It had been expected she would be released in about two years.

...

Marlene Warren’s son, Joseph Ahrens, and his friends were at home when they said a person dressed as a clown rang the door bell. He said that when his mom answered, the clown handed her some balloons. After she responded, “How nice,” the clown pulled a gun and shot her in the face before fleeing.

...

Palm Beach county sheriff’s investigators had long suspected Keen-Warren in the slaying, but she wasn’t arrested until 27 years later when they said improved DNA testing tied her to evidence found in the getaway car. Rosenfeld has called that evidence weak.

At the time of the shooting, Keen-Warren was an employee of Marlene Warren’s husband, Michael, at his used car lot. Since 2002, she has been his wife – they eventually moved to Abingdon, Virginia, where they ran a restaurant just across the Tennessee border.

...

Aronberg last year conceded that there were holes in the case, saying they were caused by the three decades it took to get it to trial, including the death of key witnesses.

A Florida man has been charged with second-degree murder after allegedly shooting another driver in a dispute over a handicapped parking space, shortly after telling him “Your day is coming.”

Richard Minor, 66, became “agitated and confrontational” after Jonathan Lee Arias, his wife and their friend, arrived at Hart’s Landing fishing pier in Sarasota and parked in the space.

Minor – a left-leg amputee – questioned whether Arias was disabled according to the probable cause arrest affidavit obtained by Law and Crime. A further back-and-forth between the two men resulted in Arias being sprayed with bear spray, and then shot, the report stated.

Okay, technically, woman.

In short, someone found a dead body while fishing. So, content warning, the story is about that. Though the article doesn't actually have any nasty imagery or verbal details, just a picture of the water with a sunken streetlight pole in it.

(...Yes, I'll admit I posted this because of the pun.)

A man was arrested after he allegedly "bashed" a woman's head into a tree stump because she woke him up on her way to the bathroom, according to the Marion County Sheriff's Office.

Eric Barr was arrested and charged with domestic aggravated battery after the incident that unfolded Friday at the Silver Springs State Park campsite, according to an arrest affidavit.

Deputies on routine patrol in the area were dispatched regarding a verbal disturbance and possible battery. When a deputy arrived, he found the victim "extremely shaken up" with spots of blood on her hands, arms and legs, the report said. She said she was in an argument with Barr, adding that they had been drinking and she "woke him up."

She pointed to the back of her head, which was covered in soaking wet blood, deputies said. They immediately requested emergency medical services.

Deputies found a log on the ground that had blood on it next to a bottle of liquor.

A 77-year-old Florida man was arrested by federal officials, accused of having thousands of dollars worth of illegal pills used to treat erectile dysfunction.

The man lives in the The Villages, a retirement community with homes sprawling through multiple Florida counties, is considered one of the largest retirement communities in the nation.

It is the kind of place where a particular type of prescription pill could be in huge demand. According to federal officials, Reginald Kincer allegedly was willing to satisfy that demand with an illegal pill plot.

“And they are trying to do the right thing and I’m trying to do the right thing too,” Kincer said during a quick interview with WESH from his home in the Villages.

According to a news release from the U.S. Department of Justice, Kincer had more than $1,800 worth of the off-brand pills stashed in his house, pills he allegedly got “without a prescription from a licensed doctor” and planned to “redistribute the drugs in and outside of the state.”

...yeah. This is a thing. Both of these are things.

This one is just adorable.

No punchline here.

A Florida man was arrested and charged with injecting a chemical agent with a syringe under the door of his neighbor's condo, police say, an act of battery allegedly caught on video that was released this week.

Xuming Li, 36, was seen injecting a liquid under a neighboring family’s door at Oxford Place at Tampa Palms '"on several occasions," according to a police report. The liquid tested positive for the narcotics methadone and hydrocodone.

Florida wo-man.

Irony is dead, we have killed it.

Context not required