Today I Fucked Up

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/GealachFola on 2024-11-08 21:38:17+00:00.

I (20F) live on my own in an apartment complex in an apartment of about 600sqft. A couple of days ago, my toilet clogged really bad. I've been in a huge depression lately, and I was sick enough that I could barely get off the couch to bathe for a month and a half, so my apartment was really messy, and I didn't want to call the building maintenance for them to see it. Alongside it, my tub had ended up clogging as well without my noticing until after a recent shower. My toilet had overflowed, so I caught some of the water (and other fluid) that spilled out and tried to pour it in the tub, only to remember how badly it was clogged. The water level started to go down in the toilet, thankfully.

This clog is lasting a couple of days, and I still have to use the restroom on occasion, and I think nothing of it. Usually if my toilet clogs, it goes down by its own and I don't have to worry about it. A couple of days started to pass. I had to worry about it. I ended up telling my mother about it, to which she suggested I use bleach. She gave me 2 bottles of it today so I could use it.

I had never done something like this before, so I wasn't sure how much I should use. I, using my little common sense brain that didn't think about the effects of bleach at all, ended up pouring half of the bottle into the toilet, and half of the bottle into the tub. They don't really tell you much about how awful bleach smells. It burns your throat if you get too close. After trying to wait a minute to see if it would go down, my eyes and lungs started to burn.

Immediately, I flipped on the ventilation fan in my bathtoom and opened every single window in my apartment, as well as turning on the overhead fans in my bedroom and living/dining room. I started to frantically search on my phone for what could be going on. Meanwhile, the bleach in my tub and toilet started to bubble up a lot. Apparently, when urine and bleach mix, it can create something called Chloramine Gas, which is toxic and can cause pneumonia (which is also why you shouldn't pee in the pool). Funny thing is, I'm familiar with this gas, as it caused me to develop pneumonia back when I was working as a swim teacher for little kids.

I ended up closing the door to my room and covering the cracks so as not to let any more in and currently have two fans to vent the area out. Apparently it can take a whole day to air out of the apartment. I called poison control and 911, both of which said that I should be fine so long as I'm airing out the apartment. I can walk around the apartment pretty normally, but the bathroom is extremely bad. I've already gone in there once to try to run the tub to see if I could dilute it more to no avail. Lesson learned. I'll just call the building maintenance. I did ask my mother where she heard about using bleach, and she said that a plumber used it when he came over to take care of a clog in her toilet. Apparently you aren't supposed to put more than a cap in there, according to him (Which I wish she would have told me earlier.) And, after all of this, I think the worst part is that the clogs in the drains haven't even started to become undone, so I'm losing on every aspect of this entire fuck-up.

Moral of the story: Just call building maintenance if you live in a complex and you have a clog. Bleach isn't worth it.

TL;DR: Poured half a bottle of bleach into my clogged toilet and half a bottle into my clogged tub, accidentally creating highly concentrated chloramine gas, all because of a messy apartment. Don't recommend, 0/10 experience.

EDIT: The building maintenance (Whom all loves me and I sort of forgot about that fact) just came over, unclogged both of the drains, got rid of the bleach, and asked what happened. I explained everything to them and they told me to just call them next time. I also contacted a friend of mine who specializes in cleaning and he said that his company has a payment plan option, so I'll be able to pay him to come over and help me with just how bad the apartment got over that period of depression and sickness. So the story does at least have a happy ending.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/numbspaghetti37 on 2024-11-09 03:42:38+00:00.

Not necessarily today but it was a fuck up years in the making. So a couple years back I got selected by a company to do some field testing of a Detroit style jacket. They sent out two, both identical minus the outer shell different materials. Anyway I tested them out and gave my input and that was it. They were real nice jackets but they just fit a little short and snug but not in an uncomfortable way. I just figured that was the styling of the jacket. Fast forward to now; I’m selling one of the jackets on EBay only to have the person to cancel the order because he was looking for a men’s jacket, not a woman’s.

I was a bit confused considering I still used the other jacket I was selling (it fits like a jean jacket but the material is more stretchy.). The jacket is a Large but gives numbers as to the size, 12-14. A men’s jacket from this company in also a large but in men’s is 42-44. Safe to say I refunded the man his money and now Im contemplating whether or not to sell the other jacket.

TL;DR field tested out some “men’s” jackets for a company. Tried to sell them, turns out they’re woman’s jackets.

Edit; the support for you guys saying to keep the jacket if it looks good on me has been really nice. It’s been a rough week and didnt think I needed the affirmation (is that the right word?) even if it is about a jacket.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/BrokenJellyfish on 2024-11-08 17:18:33+00:00.

I suppose technically yesterday, but I called the VA patient to request a different provider, due to a lack of comfort being seen by a male doctor. Today, he himself calls me, directly asks me about calling the patient advocate, and the graciously tells me I can be reassigned to another provider.

All this was after I asked him to get me a referral to the breast clinic. Had a biopsy in September (its benign), but after the biopsy healed I began having extreme sensitivity away from the biopsy site. The ER found nothing, and he wanted me to come in for an office visit that I didn't think was medically necessary. Which it must not have been, as he immediately put in the referral when I pushed back.

Tl:dr - Didn't think I'd have to ask the patient advocate to maybe not tell the doctor I was complaining about, that I was complaining about him.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/SuccessfulWarning104 on 2024-11-08 18:50:38+00:00.

TIFU by accidentally hotboxing a coworker in my gas.

Apologies for any mistakes, English is not my first language. So i work as a custodial cleaner for a certain company. Due to the nature of their work, I have to work with them present in the office. Today when i had to vacuum one of the offices, my coworker left to give me space to vacuum as always.

Now because I'm a lazy POS, I don't usually pack a lunch. And because of that, I stack up on coffee. Now if you know anything about coffee on an empty stomach while constantly moving about, you can probably start to understand my situation.

My stomach started to rumble and thinking quickly I thought if I farted into the vacuum, the smell would be taken along. Little did I know. As soon as the fart was sucked in, the smell was expelled at extra strength and quickly filled the entirety of that office. I turned off the vacuum and that's when they opened the door assuming I was done. I could do nothing but keep my head low as I left and having no option but vacuuming the next office, I had to close the door to minimize the noise that entered their office accidentally hotboxing them in my fart.

TL;DR: I farted into the vacuum and instead of the smell being sucked in, it was spread.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Wai_Naut_XD on 2024-11-08 15:31:12+00:00.

Title pretty much says it but I'll elaborate. I (F) was 21 or 22 at the time. Needed to have my wisdom teeth pulled. Got referred to an oral surgeon and went to my first appointment/consultation. He was a young looking doctor, handsome (but not my type), and super friendly and smiley. We met in his office first to discuss a few things then he led me to the exam room so he could check out my teeth. When we got to the exam room, he turned around and faced me, had a big smile on his face and his left arm extended wide open (right hand was holding my chart). I looked at him confused and awkwardly stepped forward into his arms and gave him a hug. He stiffened like a board and that was when I realized I f*cked up and he was simply doing an "after you" motion for me to enter the exam room. I turned bright red and it was so awkward as he was in my face examing the inside of my mouth and my teeth.

TL;DR Young, handsome doctor did an "after you" gesture and I misunderstood and hugged him instead.

Bonus note: I had my wisdom teeth extraction later on. Did all 4 at once so was put under general anesthesia. Everyone gets loopy after coming out of anesthesia, but I apparently would not shut up from the moment I woke from anesthesia. The nurses told my dad they've never had a patient as talkative as me.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/d0ntcallmebabe on 2024-11-08 06:38:49+00:00.

TIFU by giving my ex a nickname on FB messenger, not realizing they would be able to see it..

So, my ex "borrowed" a lot of money from me. A LOT. My entire life savings, and then put me into debt by being emotionally manipulative.

When I asked about repayment, he had all the excuses and threatened to just claim bankruptcy so he wouldn't have to pay.

The last contact we had, he basically said, do whatever you want because I don't have anything and there's nothing you can do about it.

I've been keeping track of everything. I recently archived our FB message history because I was tired of seeing it evey time I opened messenger.

Tonight, I was playing around with settings and saw that you can set a nickname.. I changed his nickname to "thief", only to see moments later that it showed in the chat...! 😳

I quickly changed it back but now it shows that I changed it twice. Should be interesting to see if he responds..

FML..

Tl;DR: gave my ex a (justifiably) crappy nickname on FB messenger, not realizing they would see it.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Ok-Appointment-5573 on 2024-11-08 05:06:24+00:00.

I worked all day today installing 150lb+ wall panels for a commercial walk-in freezer. It's extremely hard work and I sweat a lot. Fast paced and heavy lifting all day for 8 hours. I didn't drink much water throughout the day, just 1 bottle and an energy drink so by the end of the day I was severely dehydrated. On my way home, I bought a large gallon sized jug of 100% pure apple juice made from concentrate. I absolutely love apple juice and haven't had it in a long time and was super thirsty so I drank glass after glass, non-stop for about 20 minutes until the entire gallon was gone. I watched a 30 minute youtube video after that and went to lay down. I noticed that I was farting a lot, like 10 good long rips back to back, maybe 20 seconds apart. Then I went for fart #11 or so, in bed, while laying down and I could tell after a little push that this pitch needed a catcher. I got up so fast outta bed, squished my dog in the process scrambling and ran to the bathroom as fast as possible. I pulled my shorts down and jumped on the toilet and just like a firehouse, about 1/3 of a gallon of liquid came shooting out of my ass. Following that was more horrendous gas, then streams, then gas and so on. After like 15 good sized sprays and splatters I was wondering WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?? I hardly ate anything today and then I thought to google "apple juice side effects." Violent diarrhea was the first thing that popped up and it all started to make sense. I found an OG reddit article about a guy drinking 2 gallons of apple juice and sharting all over his company van while on the phone with his wife and driving 2 hours home in all the shit. Luckily that wasn't my case because I've shit myself so many times in my adulthood that I can almost always tell if it's an untrustworthy fart. So, here I am, legs completely numb and scared to leave the safety of my toilet because I don't know when the next tsunami is coming. Today I learned that excessive apple juice consumption causes extreme diarrhea. I'm just so grateful I drank it AFTER I got home. Could have been way worse.

TLDR: Worked a hard day at work, drank 1 gallon of apple juice, had uncontrollable diarrhea and still on the toilet as I write this. Didn't know that this could happen.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Mid_Night_Rose on 2024-11-07 23:25:53+00:00.

So, I just switched to a new eye doctor because my old one retired. My first appointment with Dr. Cooper went fine until he had me in that exam chair, leaning in super close to adjust the machine for my eye test. Naturally, it’s awkward having someone so close to your face, so I nervously blurted, “Wow, you really have nice eyes!” The compliment came out way too sincere, and he kind of chuckled awkwardly before just saying, “Thanks?” I felt my face turn bright red. I promised myself I wouldn’t say anything weird again.

Fast forward to my second appointment. Determined to stay professional, I tried to keep things polite and neutral. But, right as he was doing that close-up eye exam with the flashlight, I realized I had been staring right back into his eyes. The silence was heavy, and I could feel the tension, but I couldn’t look away without making it weird. So, I panicked and said the first thing that came to mind, which happened to be, “Do you come here often?”

He paused, looked a little confused, and then started to laugh before catching himself and clearing his throat. “Yes… yes, I do, actually,” he managed. I wanted to disappear right then and there.

Safe to say, I might need to find a new eye doctor.

TL;DR: I messed up by accidentally flirting with my eye doctor twice.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/anima_ferita on 2024-11-07 20:33:19+00:00.

I love tteokbokki. It's not widely available in my area, the closest place to get it is an hour away. So I buy a bunch of instant cups of it whenever I go to the asian store that sells it. Usually it's €3,50 but today the spicy variant was on sale for only €1,99. So I bought 10 cups of instant tteokbokki. I've never had the spicy one before, but it can't be that bad, right?

Wrong. I overestimated my tolerance for spice, and I'm currently very slowly choking down a cup of the stuff, glass of milk next to me. I'll have to eat the remaining 9 cups, I can't just throw them away. I've tried to feed them to my family but they don't like it either. I feel humbled and painfully white, I thought my spice tolerance was alright. I guess I was wrong. Maybe after I've eaten enough cups my tongue will be numb enough to enjoy it.

TL;DR: tteokbokki too spicy. i'm a weakling.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/WeOddAbabyEatsAboi on 2024-11-07 19:54:21+00:00.

So, obligatory, this happened about 6mos ago. I was working in sales for a fire suppression/sprinkler company. An apartment complex contacted me for our services. The complex was across state lines, so I took my time getting authorization to go quote the place. About a week. My boss finally said, "Fuck it, get up there."

So I drive about two hours, head in and meet the (very attractive) property manager. She's already not pleased by the amount of time it took me to get out there. And now I have to shit, fiercely. She slowly walks me around the first few buildings, showing me what they need serviced, at one point showing me their furnished "model" apartment & the initiating devices inside. I'm in agony. FINALLY, she says, "Alright, you got it from here?" "Yes ma'am!"

I immediately grab my notebook & power walk my ass straight back to that model apartment. All the interior doors have been taken off the hinges and removed. Fuck. I run back to the exterior door & lock the knob AND deadbolt. Whew. I then yank my flat-front chinos down to my ankles & almost crack the bowl with the pressure I'm handling business. Then it occurs to me, "What if she comes to show this model?" Fuck. I'm now sweating even more. I look down to see no toilet paper on the spindle. Fuck. So I pull my trousers up to my knees & waddle to the kitchen where I see a roll of paper towels. Jackpot. Back to the bathroom, wipe my ass, flush. Whew. Go to wash my hands, no water leading to that sink. No soap either. Ew. Creep back out to the kitchen where I see the same roll of paper towels AND a bottle of Dawn dish soap! Jackpot again. I'm going to get away with this!

I wash my hands and am trying to cool off as quick as I can for fear of seeing this woman again. I shut the faucet off, but I still hear water running. I back up from the kitchen sink, see that my boots are wet & there's soapy water pouring out of the cabinets. I rip the cabinets open to see no garbage disposal, no drain pipe, no p-trap, nothing. Water is literally just pouring through the sink. I'm now on my hands & knees, in a nice shirt & pants, trying to soak up a gallon of soapy water & poo particles with maybe 12-15 paper towels. I get as much as I can & head for the pantry. No trashcan. FUCK. I open the sink cabinet back up & fling this wad of soapy wet paper towels in there & scram.

I walk the entire property as quickly as I can & get the fuck outta there. I get back to my office & draw this woman up a quote. Zap it over to her. A week goes by, zap it over to her again. A month goes by, zap it over. Crickets. Ghosted.

Last, but certainly not least, I was let go from the team for having the lowest sales for the past two quarters. Bruh.

TL;DR I power bomb shit in a model apartment & likely caused significant water damage in the kitchen. Didn't close the sale & then got fired.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/AutoModerrator-69 on 2024-11-07 16:38:55+00:00.

So, this all started as a joke. I’ve been playing War Thunder for ages and thought it’d be fun to put together a squadron—just a small group to mess around and grind some squadron vehicles. I didn’t want to be that guy spamming invites, so I tried to keep it chill, only asking a few random players here and there if they wanted to join. I figured maybe two or three would say yes.

But then things got weird. It’s like my squadron started taking on a life of its own. I’d log in to see more and more people in the chat—players I didn’t even remember inviting. And they weren’t just joining. They started recruiting others, saying things like, “We’re on a mission here. You need to join.” The squadron chat turned into a recruitment rally, and people were hyping it up like we were forming some elite War Thunder battalion.

By last night, I had dozens of messages from players asking how to join and saying they’d heard about our “squadron takeover.” Even people in battles started recognizing my username and asking if they could join. At this point, it’s like a runaway train. I went from being a solo player to accidentally leading what feels like a digital militia, and I have no idea how to handle it.

TL;DR: Tried casually recruiting a few players for my War Thunder squadron, accidentally started a full-on squadron recruitment cult, and now I’m leading a crew that’s bigger than I ever planned.

edit : P.S - after a lot of DMs asking to join. Please stop DMing me. 🤯 Don’t judge me. The squadron is called PHAGZ (Precise Heavy Artillery Gun Zone)

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/No_Pool9806 on 2024-11-07 07:24:40+00:00.

This happened a few weeks ago but I still regret over it. I matched this girl on an online dating app and everything seems to be going fine. The conversation felt natural unlike most one sided conversations I have online. Fast forward we meet in the city and I had a really nice time with her. We had dinner and we were strolling in the streets. She asked me if I want to join her on a night road drive her friends were going on. I had work next day but still agreed. We went to her friends place and then for the drive. She said the drive would take 3 hours but we were back by next morning. I was totally sleep deprived. I hugged her goodbye and went my way to home and then to work. I thought of getting early off work and meet her again before sleeping. She asked if she can come by my place to which I said yes. I got off work by 6 pm cleaned my room, and made sure everything's arranged. I thought she might come by 8 pm, she didn't. Texted her if she's coming and she said yes. Had dinner by myself and waited. Past 4 hours I asked her back if she's really coming and she said yes. It was 12:40 am when I decided I might die from sleep and decided to take a little nap. I connected my phone to my bluetooth speakers. Put those speakers on my chest, texted her to call me when she arrives at my apartment so the speakers bass blast me out of my sleep.

Woke up after 6 hours to her 7 missed calls. Felt like c shit and slept again. I asked if she came here and she said yes. Told her I was sorry and shit. Got ghosted after that! Don't even know if I should approach her again.

TLDR: called a date to my room and slept before she arrived

PS: Maybe I forgot to mention but she's in college (I am an year older than her) and she is doing an internship which sometimes she works on till late night. She doesn't drink. I was no backup plan.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Beautiful_Device_866 on 2024-11-06 19:10:56+00:00.

Obligatory this happened last year but was reminded of it and I’m still mortified. Last year I lived in the dorms on my university campus but I moved to a different “village” where the buildings were the same. I went home to get some stuff and my mom gave me a bunch of things to bring back to the dorm. I parked and with my arms full walked out from a different exit of the parking garage then I usually used. I am struggling to hold my things (but unwilling to make a second trip). I walk to my building and some people seeing I was struggling held the door open for me. I walk up the first flight of stairs and say some passing pleasantries to people standing on the second floor then proceed to the third floor. I put my key in the door to discover it’s unlocked so I go in. I put my stuff on the counter (dorms are apartment style where everyone gets their own room and theirs a shared common area). One of my roommates I hadn’t met yet as they were oversees at the start of the semester. All of a sudden a man walks out of the room of the roommate I hadn’t met yet. I assume it’s my roommate but maybe they are trans or androgynous (I’m female). We start having polite conversation until i realize that this isn’t my dorm…. I’m in the wrong building. I got past two layers of security (outside lock and the front door lock) and past two groups of people to then act like I owned the place in front of the owner. I then apologized and exited having to then walk with all my stuff to my actual building and dorm room on the third floor.

TL;DR I went into an identical building to mine and went into the wrong apartment acting like I owned it in front of the real owner on accident.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/ArklaitGigabyte on 2024-11-06 19:05:43+00:00.

So, i was not expecting to FU today in this way but let me spin you my yarn.

A few years ago I used to be in an LDR with this very amazing and beautiful woman who I had known for years. I can't give too many details just because I don't know if she's on here. We took a trip together and it was a fantastic time. We had fun and just really got to be together. It was magical and something I hadn't felt before. You ever met that one that just gets you and makes you feel something the others before them didn't make you feel? That's what this was. I didn't want to fuck it up and lose her... and I didn't fuck it up, but I did lose her.

She was learning more about herself and as she did, she had grown distant until she just had to break away to pursue her thing. I was fully supportive because I didn't feel it was my place to stop her from doing what mattered most for her. Gross time jump, but she eventually found someone and married and even got pregnant. I was shattered when I heard about it but I kept a smile on and supported her.

Well, fast forward to today and here I am sitting at work and decided to clean my old voicemails out.

Bad move.

There were so many from her in just the most loving of tones. She would sometimes leave me some to wake up to. And it just hurt... knowing it's a time in life gone. And it got even worse when I the voicemails shifted from that love to platonic. I'm not crying, and I'll be okay... but man it was like a knife twisted in me from old wounds I didn't want to open again... it hurts to know something that special got away, but i live on and move forward.

TL;DR - I listened to and deleted voicemails from someone very special to me who I've long since been broken up with.

Edit: I forgot they were there

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/RustyButterKn1fe on 2024-11-06 18:10:33+00:00.

So this just happened a few minutes ago, said boyfriend is still next to me.

A bit of context, my partner lost his smell for the most part due to long Covid. Another piece of context, I’m lactose intolerant. That doesn’t stop me tho.

So for dinner last night, I ate. A lot more dairy than i probably should have (baked potato with hella cheese and even more sour cream), so today my stomach was a bit fucked up. To say the least.

I was in the car with my bf, on our way to pick up lunch, and my stomach was starting to hurt so I decided to let a couple “Silent but Deadly” rips out. Opened the window a bit so it wouldn’t be as bad, but it only did so much.

After a few seconds, my partner starts panicking and pulls over onto the side of the highway. He started frantically checking the car, and I’m pretty clueless when it comes to cars so I asked him what was wrong with the car

He explained to me that he smelled rotten eggs, which is a sign that the battery is failing. I just looked at him and said “…babe, Jeremy (the car’s name) is fine. I just ripped ass.”

We ended up not being able to leave for another 10 minutes because he couldn’t stop laughing, but he now has me as “🚗💨failing car battery🚗💨” in his phone.

TLDR; farted in the car and made my bf think it was breaking down

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Traveller_Georath on 2024-11-06 02:09:04+00:00.

This happened back when I was in college in 2016. I was a part of a brand new campus group that was trying to get started focusing on outdoor activities like hiking, climbing, etc. (won't get too specific for privacy). There weren't too many of us to start, so we decided to try and recruit. One of the other guys suggested a girl I'd met before at a leadership retreat, and he asked her between meetings if she was interested, which she said she was. Note that she never actually attended a meeting.

A few months in, we decided to try and plan a trip, but our recruiting wasn't going well so there weren't too many of us. I remembered the girl's interest from what the guy had told us before he stopped showing up, so I said I'd check and ask.

I messaged her both on Facebook and at her campus email, but never heard anything. With the sign up deadline coming up, I, in my infinite wisdom, messaged a mutual male friend (not the same guy from the group) if he had her phone number because I needed to ask her something.

Well, that was a big mistake because I never specified in my initial message it was for an official school function. I never considered how that request might be construed, but he took it as incredibly creepy that I'd ask him for her contact info and absolutely tore into me after refusing point blank. What I didn't know is that they were also coworkers at a campus facility, so if he HAD given it to me he'd be risking his job or expulsion.

I apologized and said it for a campus group, and that I'd already tried emailing her about it. He said he'd tell her to check her email, but he'd appreciate me not contacting him again. A few days later, the girl emailed me back to say that due to my attempted invasion of her privacy, she was no longer interested in joining the group, them blocked me on social media. I later found out the guy did, too. The group ultimately folded the next semester due to lack of members.

I felt terrible that due to my social awkwardness I'd destroyed two friendships, but I moved on. The worst part came 2 years later after I'd graduated when I went to sell some of my old phones, and I went through them to make sure there wasn't anything I still needed. Guess whose fucking number I found in one of them. I had it the whole time but never transferred it over to my new phone, so I forgot I had it. 🤦‍♂️

And before anyone says it, this story is 100% real, and is not AI. Yeah, sometimes reddit stories are still legit; sorry to burst your bubble. 😜

TL;DR: I asked a mutual friend for a girl's number to contact her about a campus event, but they took the request as creepy and blocked me.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/G0TH1C_IDIOT on 2024-11-06 05:59:32+00:00.

After I came home from college, I (18F) was calling my best friend when I ended up getting a string of texts from an unknown number that kept asking where I was and claimed that I had something I wasn't supposed to have. Initially I laughed it off and played along, thinking it was my little half-sister on one of her friends' phones trying to prank me, when the number kept calling me. I kept declining because I wanted to talk to my friend, but she told me that it would be fine if I answered since the person said they'd explain everything over the phone.

The person who answered sounded like a 30-something-year-old man. He told me his name and said he liked to stand on business, but the voice was so hard to understand that I got impatient and hung up. I called my friend back and told her it wasn't my sister, but some guy who had the wrong number. Finally, the unknown number texted me "Ight so you think this is funny? You don't know how dangerous we are. Answer the phone, or else. I know where you live."

I roll my eyes at this point. I'm home alone, since my mom just left to go to the store with her boyfriend, so what happens next disturbs me to the point that I'm nearly paralyzed with fear. The person asks, "You live near (restaurant name), in (my town's name) right? With your mom (Mom's name)? Yeahhh I've been watching you, (my name). And I know your little sister too, (half-sister's name)." I freak out and call my mom, suddenly unable to leave my room, because I'm actually thinking that someone is stalking me. I ask my mom if she knows anything that's going on, to which she says she doesn't, but that she's on her way back to the house. Her bf is in the passenger seat telling me to barricade my door in case someone breaks in and tries to go into my room. I begged my mom not to hang up, just as I hear something in the kitchen. I lock my door and remain nearly frozen, save for me texting my best friend, my bf, and another friend to let them know what's going on.

I block the unknown number out of fear they'd reveal more personal information about me, to me. Plus, the name that the person supposedly had was, coincidentally, the name of a guy that my mom used to know back in the day, who was convicted for doing something awful to his daughter. I hear something in the living room again, and finally my mom and her bf come home. Her bf checks around the house, and my mom takes my phone, looks through the messages while I explain to her what's going on, and finally, she calls the local police department. They tell her they can't do anything, since a threat hasn't explicitly been made. I panic slightly, and then my mom calls my dad and asks him if he knows anything. My dad tells her that he had literally just given my little sister a phone and that the number belonged to her. He then complains that he can't trust my sister to be respnsible with anything, but tells my mom quickly that he has to go since he's out with some folks.

That's all it was. A freaking prank. The noises in the living room were from one of my cats. The name that my sister had randomly chosen to prank me with was merely a coincidence. Yet I worried my friends, my bf, my mom, her bf, and myself by not using my brain. My mom had called the police. All over something that I should've just trusted my instincts with. My mom was livid, saying that she's angry with my dad for not paying closer attention to my sister and giving her a phone when she acts out the way she does. She goes back to the store with her bf, and there I'm left embarrassed. I let my friends and my bf know it was all a prank and that I'm just a paranoid idiot. My best friend told me that I need to try and get back at my sister soon, but my mom says that none of this was funny.

TL;DR I freaked out over a prank that my prank obsessed sister, who had just gotten a new phone, pulled on me, pretending to be a stalker who knew where I lived, and I called my mom home. My mom ended up calling the police, before my dad revealed that it was just my little sister, before frustratedly taking her brand new phone from her.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/0wljolson on 2024-11-06 01:42:02+00:00.

I need preface this story with the fact that this happened when I was young. But it’s something that haunts me TO THIS DAY. Friends and family will not let me live down the trauma I have endured because of that stupid ape movie.

To set the scene, the year is 2001. After years in development and anticipation, Tim Burton’s reimagining of the classic “Planet of the Apes” has hits theaters. My father, who is a nerd for the monkey movies, takes 6 year old me to go to the first showing at our theater. This started as a good bonding moment: father and son, sneaking in snacks, watching angry monkeys together…but it slowly turned into something that hangs over me like a dark cloud… For the most part, I loved the movie because I was a huge monkey kid. For some reason, I really fucked with them…so seeing a movie that has talking monkeys enslaving humans was a rollercoaster for me. I remember thinking they actually got monkeys to to talk on camera because I’m dumb. My dad grew disappointed over the course of the movie, and even asked if I wanted to walk out. But I enthusiastically begged him to stay..and It was all fun and games until the end of the movie.

If you are unlucky enough to remember the details of this movie all these years later, let me give you a rundown: Mark Whalberg’s enslaved character, Leo, finally flies out of the Planet of the Apes and crash lands back on Earth. He has crashed in front of the steps of the Lincoln memorial and takes a look around. Everything seems fine, until he sees Abraham Lincoln has instead been replaced with an ape. Aperaham Lincoln. It’s not a cute ape by the way. it’s a menaced eyed, smirk having, dictator looking kinda ape. The way this entire scene was shot: the closeups of Ape Lincoln, the “shocking reveal” music, the fear on Leo’s face…it all sent this wave of primal fear throughout my body. So much so, that I just cried like a baby in the middle of the theater.

So for some reason, this movie triggered a new irrational fear: Abraham Lincoln. I could not knowingly look at, hear of, or be around anything Lincoln related. $5 bills. History book. Hell, even Lincoln Logs made me see the face of that damned dirty ape…I remember one time my grandma handed me a bunch of pennies and just walked away, and you would swear I saw a monster manifest before me the way screamed and sprinted out of the house. I was just terrified of him to a point that is hard to articulate.

Now that you know this, I can get to the meat and potatoes of this story. So the year is either 2003 or 2004. Everyone in my family is aware of this weird Lincoln fear and openly mocks me about it. We are on summer vacation, and the family gets the grand idea to go to Disney in Florida. I’m a kid so I obviously love Disney, and had a great time. But for some reason, my family thought it would be funny to drag me, the kid scared of Lincoln, into the one and only “Hall of Presidents” I remember thinking “yay another ride” but when we got inside, I was wondering why nobody was strapped into their seats. All I remember was being blissfully unaware as to what we were doing in this giant and dark room. I look at the stage, and I see shadows of someone but I assume it was someone getting ready to talk. Suddenly, everyone hushes as they prepare for their experience. The show is about to begin. All I remember from this point, was that a spot light turned on, and revealed a life size, realistic Abraham Lincoln robot. Before it could even move a single gear, I remember thinking the following: “he’s alive? He’s a robot? Is he going to walk off stage and come near me?” all in about 0.5 seconds. The he begins to slowly rise out of his chair, and open his mouth. Everyone else in the Hall of Presidents is looking in awe at Robot Lincoln, and they finally get to hear:

“FOUR SCORE AN-“ “GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Apparently my only response was to let out a blood curdling scream from the front row. A scream that resulted in a gasp from the audience that is forever burned into my memory. I then jumped out of my chair, ran down the aisle and towards the exit. I remember thinking I was the fastest kid alive, and i was going to be safe once I got out. I got closer and closer to the exit, but before I could get there everything just went black. To this day, all I remember was seeing Lincoln, and running…that, and waking up with several paramedics and my concerned family all kneeling around me, looking down at me. After it was established that I was okay, I was told that because it was so dark in the Hall, I didn’t see the ropes blocking off the open doors I was running towards. So when I did make it to the door, I was abruptly stopped by them. So pretty much, I was clothesline slammed onto the ground and knocked out cold…in front of hundreds of people. The whole incident resulted in the Hall of Presidents being shut down for the rest of the day.

While this is embarrassing as hell, I think this incident may have knocked the fear out of me…because if I’m being real, I don’t remember ever being scared of him after this.

TLDR: Tim Burton’s dumb monkey movie gave me a fear of Abraham Lincoln that spiraled into me ruining vacation for a lot of Disney-goers

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/midnightmare58 on 2024-11-05 18:13:56+00:00.

So, I(F16) have to take a tech class as a graduation requirement in my school. It’s important to note that I am utterly USELESS with anything that has to do with technology; like I’m that one person who slams my phone against a table till it starts working again. I didn’t know what airdropping was until a week ago. So obviously, I was not excited to have to take a tech based class. I decided to take computer science, due to knowing the teacher, and knowing he’s AWESOME. The thing is, I transferred over from a magnet school, and missed the first quarter of comp sci, so said teacher had to sit me down and teach the basics of coding. He pulls up code.org and we start with the basics, but oddly enough I’m flying through all them, no explanation or anything needed. Neither of us can figure out why I already know how to do all this, when it’s well known I’m clueless with technology. It was only halfway through that it dawned on me why. I’m sure if you’re on Reddit, you’ll be somewhat familiar with the Fanfiction website Archive of our Own, or AO3. Now I post fanfics on AO3, and whne I started I didn’t really know how to use the website, so I fooled around with it a lot to just kinda learn how the website worked. For those of you who haven’t ever posted a work on Ao3, it’s not very simple, and you have to fool around with it. After you enter in your writing in the box, and post it, it doesn’t always transfer over the way you write it, in terms of spacing, italics, and bolded or underlined words. When you go in to edit, there’s a bunch of weird stuff in there that’s been changed, which I had realized in the middle of class, was code. And by taking the initiative to learn the workings of the website by picking it apart in hyperfixation, had taught myself the basics of coding. I realized this, changed races with how mortified I was at this discovery(I blushed so hard I was just completely PINK), and then my teacher, who I was very close with, insisted I tell him how I knew how to code now that I realized. And that’s how I fucked up, enough that I actually had to explain what Ao3 was, and why I was writing on it so often that I was actually ahead of the class in coding skills. Which included discussing WHAT I wrote about to my teacher and the several people sitting around his desk, which lead to discussions about a bunch of odd stuff, even the omega verse!! And ya… ya. I don’t even like the omega verse guys. I’ve never written an omega verse fanfic, nor do I read them. No shame, it’s an amazing concept, but having EXPLAIN that concept to a bunch of sane people is… yikes. I’m mortified, and so was our teacher. So ya.

TL;DR- I knew the basics of coding because of how often I used the fanfiction website AO3 and therefore had a mortifying conversation with my teacher and classmates on how I knew said basics and what AO3 was. I don’t think I can look said teacher in the eyes.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Effective_Interest_7 on 2024-11-05 11:08:36+00:00.

This one is actually nice and fresh, I only found out a little while ago and I'm mostly writing this to make me feel a little better. Won't be giving many details for anonymity.

My GF of around 3 years and I have a quite strong relationship, and I admit that shes done nothing but treat me well. No reasons to be suspicious of anything. We have our disagreements, as any couple does, and her usual method of approaching serious conversation often comes as long-winded text messages that take her, on average, numerous hours to write. Once, it took an entire day to hear back from her. This is an important piece of context for later. While this may not perfectly match with what I think of as the optimal method to solve problems, I was perfectly fine with her choosing that way, until now that is.

I was getting ready to type out a paper on my PC when I realize that theres numerous tabs open from when my girlfriend had last borrowed it to do the same. I was closing them until I stumbled across her Snapchat, which was open to the My AI feature, and it seemed that was the only thing she used the app for in ages. She was using a cheeky bit of AI assistance on her essay. which I didn't judge her for. However, a couple thoughts came to me that made me inclined to start scrolling up to see what else she had asked the AI. Part of me wanted to genuinely figure out her weak points in writing so that I could help her on her next paper. Another part of me wanted to find something slightly embarrassing so that me and her could have a good laugh about it later, like a saucy message. All of me was pretty assured that, from my understanding, the AI message box wasn't anything of a private or serious place to put sensitive information, especially considering that Snapchat would have likely automatically deleted any messages she wouldn't want anybody else seeing. Whether this assumption or the scrolling up itself was the FU, I'm not sure, but around here is where I 100% FU and couldn't go back.

Past the essay advice, I found a long message typed out and seemingly saved for later use. I recognized it as a message (or a very similar version of a message) that I was sent before as we mended our feelings after an argument. I thought that was generally a normal practice, as I had tons of info saved within the DMs of bots before, but what caught me off guard was that it wasn't her who sent the message, it was the bot. At that point, my heart sank, and I kept scrolling so that I could confirm or deny if this was what it seemed. Unfortunately, my fears were confirmed when I found a history of mainly two things. One was her just generally venting and complaining about me and my actions, which is something I can't fault her for. Personally, I think bots are too focused on giving a desired answer to have say in real-world conflict, but if it was cathartic for her, I see no problem in venting her anger. It was the other portion that made me want to hurl.

All I was seeing was clear evidence that multiple of the long-winded messages I thought she had painstakingly wrote for me were actually produced by an AI. The gimmicky Snapchat AI nonetheless. She was trying to workshop the message over and over, trying to get the AI to write in a way that evoked specific emotions in me, or better captured her stance. Seeing all of this was honestly crushing, especially considering that I myself do both personal and academic writing as an important part of my life, and not only was I made into a fool who fell for a robot's words of love, but I also am just left so disappointed in both her and myself for giving genuine credence to messages she didn't even come up with. I honestly think my only option is to try and pretend it didn't happen. Now that I know it was a serious forum for her, I see that I totally shouldn't have snooped. Played with fire, got burned. But I still feel like this will take time to see past, and that I'll always be checking in the future, questioning her messages and just how long she actually spent writing them. Plus, theres bonus sadness in the fact I ended up reading a tirade that was correct about me being a shitty boyfriend. Safe to say that wasnt my best idea.

TL;DR:

I checked my GFs Snapchat AI messages and found out the important texts she has been sending me were actually written by a robot.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Idmaybefuckaplatypus on 2024-11-05 09:42:47+00:00.

Ok so to start, me and my gf have a 6 year old border collie who's extremely clingy. He doesn't like being outside the room without us and claws on the door to let us in and even barks.

Obviously this causes issues with things, such as sex. He's a little cock blocker... There were a couple nights where me and my gf were getting very intimate and either had him decide he wants in and scratch the door, or we realize he's in the room and it ofc kills the mood

So there's a few times lately I have given him frozen dog food in a toy for him to lick which keeps him busy

At first it worked so good, he'd not barge through the door and stay downstairs even when hrbfknidhed... But then recently he did try to come back a second time, interrupting the sex... And I made the mistake of giving him more food. And then the same thing a few nights ago.

Now he's expecting food and drooling as soon as he sees or hears us getting intimate. He is so smart and can totally tell we're bribing him and pushing our limits

Wat do?

Tldr I gave my dog food to leave me and my gf alone during sex and now he expects food each time he notices us intimate

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/undercover_union145 on 2024-11-05 04:28:42+00:00.

So obligatory not today but over a decade ago years ago.

When I met my wife I was severely overweight and decided a couple years after dating to love myself and lose weight before we got married. I lost a good amount of weight on my own but during our engagement I decided to try a nutritionist and program to get in my best shape for the wedding. During that time I was on the Keto diet and the month before the wedding went pretty strict and even abstained from alcohol. That is the basic background leading up to the wedding.

Now on to the day, so I am the lightest I have been. Feeling good, and still going strong no carbs but I was nervous as hell. I married the most beautiful and kindest woman I know I didn’t feel worthy of her love but knew it was going to be alright. Naturally since my best man was getting ready with me he offered me a drink at first beer but I didn’t want the carbs so instead a few shots of vodka, low carbs so cool I’m down. I had about 3 shots which after they hit helped calm me down. After the church about 2 hours later we had a couple more drinks on the bus going to pictures before the reception. I was shocked how hard these drinks were hitting me but enjoying the time and not thinking much of it.

I had eaten that day but again no carbs. This is where it is important to know and I had no way of knowing at the time. CARBS BREAK DOWN ALCOHOL TO BE PROCESSED IN THE LIVER. So if you are not having any carbs you’re gonna get more drunk for LONGER.

Now we are at the photos in a beautiful park and I am hammered. I stumble through the photos but not messing them up too much luckily. After the photo we have another drink and head to the reception. Now I can usually handle my liquor but today I could not hold anything. When we got to the reception I barely remember anything so everything here on was told to me the next day when I woke up in a hospital bed.

Apparently the beginning of the night went smooth got through first dances, dinners, and speeches. Then the party really started, apparently when Mr.Worldwide came on I took my shirt off and was swinging it around, I gave my new wife an impromptu lap dance (everyone thought it was funny), and did shots with my grandmother. Then as the night was wrapping up I wanted some dessert and went to get myself a piece of cake. We had been gifted a cake cutting set by my parents that had been a family heirloom. Now at this point I was starting to experience alcohol poisoning can as I went to cut the cake I passed out and fell onto the knife. It went into my forearm and I was bleeding decently. My wife ran up to me getting blood on her dress (clearly white) and I was transported to get my stomach pumped, the blade removed and arm stitched up.

While my wife was understandably furious she was happy it only happened near the end of the night when guests had left and I was ok. Needless to say I always have pizza when I drink now.

TL;DR TIFU by giving myself alcohol poisoning at my wedding cause I was doing the Keto diet

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/neighborhoodmuse on 2024-11-05 03:32:52+00:00.

Today, a couple of plumbers came by to fix a few issues at the place I'm renting, including a small leak coming from my bath tub knob in the master bathroom. I let them in, showed them what needed work, then said I was going to lie down and to holler if they needed me. I was sick all last week and still recovering, so I just wanted a painless transaction. The two plumbers were yelling back and forth at each other about what they were doing. I could hear them from my room, but just tuning it out and watching my show. They had shut off the main water valve while working on the leak. All of a sudden, I hear one of them shout something to the other, then they both left, got in their trucks, and drove away. I thought it was weird that they left without saying anything to me, but maybe they are "get in, get out" kind of folks. I am renting, so maybe they don't have an obligation to make sure I am satisfied with the work/get payment.

I go to use the toilet in the secondary bathroom, and realize my water is still shut off. I was annoyed that they left without turning it back on, but I went to the basement to turn it back on, no problem.

I go back upstairs and hear water rushing. Did I leave a faucet on? Did he leave the bath tub knob turned?

No. They were not done working. There is a geyser shooting out of my bath tub where he was working on the leak. I start freaking out immediately and go turn the water back off. Did I know working on a leak involves a situation where a water geyser could shoot out of my tub? No. But you live and you learn.

One plumber returns right after I have stopped the geyser. His response, as my bathroom is covered in a layer of water: "I hope my drill still works" Luckily, it did. My vacuum that was also soaked? I'm not sure yet because I'm waiting for it to fully dry before plugging it in...

Moments before I was questioning if I should go to urgent care because I still feel like shit, but now I have a new issue of my bathroom being covered in water. I just bought a whole set of towels, otherwise I would've been screwed. I even have a dehumidifier on hand, so it really isn't a huge deal. But...

HIS DRILL WAS STILL IN THE BATHROOM. If I had checked the worksite before turning the water back on, I could have avoided this. If I had questioned why they would have left without saying anything to me, this wouldn't have happened. He says that he yelled to me (in a different room) what he was doing before leaving. Obviously, I didn't hear that. I really wish he had hollered to get my attention and then explained what was going on face-to-face. Still, I definitely should have checked for any potential geysers before turning the valve back on.

Unfortunately, being sick and dehydrated gave me brain fog, and I didn't even consider the possibility that the plumber would leave and come back. Anyways, a reminder: if something leaves you going "huh, that's weird" LOOK INTO IT. Don't just accept it. I have done so many dumb things by not double-checking some random odd occurrence or interaction. There's a reason it seems weird, and it's because there IS a reason you're not aware of!

There I was. Hot and sweaty from panic-cleaning, and no clean towels to shower with. A horrible position to be in, truly.

TL;DR: Plumber left in the middle of fixing a leak with the main valve shut off. I didn't know he was coming back, so turned valve back on and mildly flooded my bathroom.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/AnonymousIVplay on 2024-11-04 06:10:33+00:00.

So as the title implies, my husband (27M) and I (26F) are currently visiting his family for a week. This is the first time I've stayed at their house, and I noticed all three of their toilets happen to have simple bidet attachments. Now I'd never used a bidet before this visit, and with it just being a simple two-setting attachment instead of the much more intimidating luxury bidet units, I figured I'd try it out while getting ready for bed. Ended up enjoying it, except for one problem.

The way this particular bidet works is it has a knob that can turn right or left, with each side having a different setting you can use, and the more you turn it the stronger the water pressure gets. Only thing was, I couldn't quite figure out what the difference between the two settings is supposed to be. They're only labeled with simple icons, and one just looks like a butt getting sprayed while the other has an arrow shaped kinda like an 8, if the bottom half was a triangle. Using both settings felt just fine on myself, but the water streams also felt identical no matter what I picked.

So, I got the bright idea to try turning on the bidet while not sitting on the toilet, to see if I could spot a visual difference. Some of you can probably guess where this is going.

After I did my business and flushed, I reopened the lid and turned the knob to the lowest pressure on one of the settings. This ended up being too low to see anything other than a trickle down the inside of the bowl, so I turned it up to the next pressure level.

Big mistake.

Immediately the water streams shot up and out of the toilet, spraying me directly in the stomach. Quickly I grabbed the knob and yanked it in the other direction to turn it off. However, in my panic I forgot one crucial thing. Remember how I said the two settings were on the left and right of the knob? This puts the off position directly in the center.

So when I yanked the knob the other direction to turn it off, I overcorrected and put the other setting on FULL. BLAST.

At that point I started panicking even more and yanked it back the other direction once again, and over and over and over while unable to figure out why the water wasn't turning the fuck off goddammit, until finally my rational brain caught up and I forced myself to turn the knob slowly until it was squarely in the center, and thankfully that got the water to turn off at last. But not before I had sprayed toilet water all over the bathroom floor and myself.

So now my pajamas are soaked, my husband is laughing his ass off at me, and I'm still no closer to figuring out what the fuck each setting is supposed to be used for. Here's hoping the water I couldn't wipe up with extra toilet paper at least dries up before tomorrow morning.

TL;DR out of curiosity I turned on my in-laws bidet attachment while not sitting on the toilet, panicked when it sprayed outside the toilet bowl and forgot how to turn it off, and soaked the entire bathroom and myself

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/StrollingUnderStars on 2024-11-04 20:30:44+00:00.

Partner of the main user here, I don't have reddit but he thinks you'll get a laugh out of this.

So my partner bought me the Stardew Valley cookbook for my birthday and we've been doing recipes from it for a while now. With Halloween just behind us, we decided to use one of the pumpkins we picked to make the pumpkin soup recipe.

The problem started with measurement translation. We're UK based but the recipe has cups and lbs, not the grams and mls were used to. As a result, I had the converter up on my phone and just started converting everything in advance.

Now, I've never used apple cider vinegar in a recipe before, so I didn't have a reference for what's normal. With all the prior measurements in cups, I got carried away. I misread 1 1/2 tbls as cups. Yes, instead of around 20ml of apple cider vinegar, I put in over 350ml. As the soup reduced, the smell of vinegar filled the house, I just thought it was boiling off quite fast.

Mistake number 2, I didn't try the soup before serving it up. So there we are, bf and I sitting down to dinner and after a couple of mouthfuls, the unmistakable sour burning coats my mouth. That's when he gets up and double checks the recipe and spots my mistake. He's laughing it off and I feel awful that I ruined our dinner. Guess I'll try again later in the week, plenty of pumpkin to still go through.

I'll let my bf (main user) take over from here while I make myself some chicken nuggets.

So yeah, dinner was a struggle. Unlike my gf, I actually finished the soup. I was hungry and couldn't be arsed to cook something else. My stomach ache is currently telling me that might have been a mistake. To be fair, my partner is usually a great cook, just a lapse in concentration on her part. But I will be a more observant sous chef next time we try this recipe.

TL;DR: used almost 20x the amount of apple cider vinegar while making pumpkin soup. Dinner was ruined and the house stinks of vinegar.