this post was submitted on 25 Dec 2023
320 points (97.1% liked)
Asklemmy
43944 readers
743 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
Search asklemmy π
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- !lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
Some good advice I heard once is that you canβt change what happens to you but you can change how you react to it. Bad things will happen but how you react to those things makes such an impact. Reacting positively to negative things happening affects not only your mood, but also how you deal with those things. It takes time to shift to this style of thinking but it will definitely improve your way of life.
This mindset is helpful especially when compounded with general therapy techniques that you can use in your day to day, diet, exercise and sleep. Sounds cliche but it all compounds in ways that we don't really notice consciously (at least for me)
Definitely agree. I was raised with this mindset, but it never stuck until I went to therapy and got other things sorted. It's hard to react calmly and logically when the rest of your brain is fucked.
Reacting versus responding.
As I've progressed from my early to mid 20s this is something I've really tried to focus on.
I was extremely reactive and volatile emotionally, and a single thing could fuck up my entire day. Between my brain doing its last bit of developing, and getting a hold of my generalized anxiety disorder and depressive disorder through therapy, I've gone from, "this fucking sucks" before having break downs in the worst case to, "I can feel bad once it's fixed, but it's gotta be fixed first".
This is definitely a healthier mindset, but I catch myself trying to fix things that just can't be fixed. Sometimes you just gotta let go, so that's been my focus recently. It's hard, but I think recognizing it has been a great first step.
Honestly this often makes me more frustrated at myself for acting a certain way. I know what I'm feeling is irrational and I know it doesn't help the situation and I shouldn't be feeling or reacting this way. And then it drives up he frustration because of how ridiculous it is.
You do not need to be that hard to yourself when your feeling "wrong". Yes it is probably better for yourself if you don't overreact. However you cannot really cotntrol your feelings. So it is still better to accept your anger. First, as you said, it drives up the frustration, because now you are also worried about your feelings. And second your original emotion wants to be "noticed". I read and experienced a few times myself, the "wrong" emotion disappears often quickly when you accept it. It is an essential concept of mindfulness, to accept your emotions.
Edit: As far as i understand it and experienced it, saying to yourself "no i shouldn't be angry about this" won't change your thinking
Yeah sometimes you just gotta laugh about things and move on. Losing your temper usually doesn't help.
Also you can often change what happens to you. If someone is treating you badly don't let them keep doing that, correct or avoid them. If your bed is full of cracker crumbs, change your sheets.