So, basically, ๐ฃ.
this post was submitted on 22 Jan 2024
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Unfortunately I have tested positive for breast cancer. Stage 3 IDC. I'm scared of what comes next, I'm only 36 and I have a 5 year old son.
36 here too, two kids. I have been overwhelmed with fear the past few years that something like this will happen. I can only imagine that if I received the news you did, it would cripple me. Immediate shutdown.
I wish I had more to offer than my sympathy. I wish we could do better with cancer than we can...
It's been pretty nice so far. Last weekend I finished a project I've been working on since April last year so I've finally been able to relax over the weekend for maybe the first time in ~3 months. In related news: I also finally got to start Spider-Man 2 and that has been a lot of fun too.
Was the project something for work, or something personal?
It was a personal project. I was planning a party, which doesn't sound like a lot; but I really wanted it to go well, so I was putting in a lot of work on decorations, goody bags, catering, etc. (Plus I've never planned a party before)
Ooh, that is a fun thing to do.
So far, so good. Sang with a hundred people over the weekend and haven't gotten sick (yet). Small victories.
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About to board a plane so I can arrive at a boat for the first cruise I've ever been on. It's called groove cruise and it's 24/7 DJs and music/dancing. Hard to separate anxiety from excitement. It'll be fun but I probably won't sleep much!
that sounds exhausting. i hope you have fun!
Yeah I don't expect to sleep much at all even with sleeping meds lol, but it will be fun!
How long will this boat party last?
Just got back. It was Weds thru Sunday
Impressive! Was it grand?
Grand and spectacular but also at times very intimate. All in all a wonderful and loving environment with very good vibes.
Oh whoopsie, I meant grand in the sense of "a really good time".
Regional useage popping out of me again!
Unfortunately I'm considering to put an end to a new friendship. It's like every time I'm around her I trigger her and it becomes a drama. I've already tried to adjust again and again but I have to face that I'm just a hedgehog to her and we're not compatible.
The thing is I love using sarcasm and making slight jabs at people, it's like second nature to me. Honestly it's really not that extreme and I've asked all my friends and they say they enioy it. But to her these are real personal attacks and enough cause to ruin our time together.
It sucks cuz we had some really good laughs together. But also I'm done with stepping on mines, even when I am careful.
busy, busy weekend. took coco (foster dog) to the community garden volunteer day on saturday morning. my partner had his birthday bash at a local music venue where his band and his friends' bands played. came back to our house for a garage after party. drove to the adjacent city to hang with folks sunday morning, then came home and watched the extended edition of the lord of the rings: the two towers. i fell asleep during the last hour or so, but i just watched it last weekend, so i'm okay with that. (my partner missed watching it, which is why i rewatched.)
going alcohol-free until valentine's day, which should be a good little reset.
I've been good, mostly spent trying to work on myself and catching up on news. I'm very happy about desantis tho, that man was a demon
Pretty fun! I'm learning how to use Blender at the moment, with the help of a certain donut tutorial.
Blender is amazing. Do you know Blender guru? Recommend.
Who do you think made the tutorial?
I donut know?
Pretty good start to my week, started talking to a girl on bumble on Saturday that is way outta my league that matched with me first, we're gonna meet up on Sunday and walk my dog and chat.
She is so fucking adorable though it's unbeliveable, she's asexual however which may be an issue if we go into any actual relationship as sex is reasonably important to me (I think) but it depends on exactly what type of asexual person she is and her personal feelings/desires on it, I'm wondering when the best time to ask her that would be...
Just bring the topic up lightly and give it space. And just enjoy the moment and getting a chance to look into someone else's life!
I brought it up and she's totally asexual, not interested in anything of a sexual nature at all which sucks (and I feel bad for feeling that tbh since it's just who she is), but I'm still interested in her enough to explore things with her despite that, and she is as well (i asked). Thankfully she is very open about it.
Just keep communicating and be genuine
It's been a busy week so far. Trying to tidy my flat before an inspection next week as well as get some reporting done before a deadline tomorrow (it won't be done in time but their expectations aren't particularly reasonable so doing what I can). Got to do a Hackathon today based around a potential new system which was exciting! It's so much better than what we have at the moment.
Going to Amsterdam on Friday for the weekend, really looking forward to it
Hopeful, I did well at piano lessons, I am meeting my new neurologist tomorrow (scared, but I will make it), I think I am sleeping better. Things might be looking up after tomorrow I might get some answers or some relief soon! So my week is hopeful!
Quick update, went to the neurologist, she recommended 2 new medications, my cardiologist said no to one and my insurance is trying to not cover the other, I am still full of hope, but need some pep talk. LOL
Ah, the age-old tale of insurance trying to skimp on covering medications. My doctor once tried to give me Modafinil (a very gentle stimulant) for mild narcolepsy. Insurance said no, and that they wanted her to try two lesser acting medications first (there aren't any). So, she prescribed Adderall, and they insta-accepted it. Flawless logic!
As for a pep-talk: I have no wisdom, but I believe in you.
My brain is not functioning well right now and that is the pep-talk I need, being reminded this isn't personal and just the really crap way insurance works here in the USA.
I am disappointed but the hope was for relief not for lifesaving actions, so I will deal, I have had this problem for a while it is not like I can't survive it.
Finally feel like am on the mend from a respiratory infection + injury to torso.
Which is great but now very behind on a lot of basic stuff in my life & feel it'll be a while before my stamina is back up, so the trick will be tackling things without getting either worn out or despondent.
Some heavy mental stuff to process too, which reemerged prior to getting sick, but feeling somewhat hopeful, in that I suspect the period of dormancy was a total block for a couple of decades.
Blah blah blah week :(
Oh no. Hope next week's a bit less meh.
I hope too. Thank you.
No joke, I actually felt I became more productive this week. I was able to do my language studies daily now (used to STRUGGLE so much in the past few years) and I'm starting to implement a savings plan I've been planning for a while.
The only shitty thing was that my body clock didn't fully reset. I work graveyard and I barely get 4hrs of sleep per day this week. I'll be drowning in coffee later to survive. Wish me luck.
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I am trying to apply to some IT roles. No great luck so far since my applications have either been ignored or denied, but I'm not giving up.
Keep at it! It took me being ghosted a trillion times and having my heart broken after a second interview to finally find my current position. I believe in you. :)
I'm on some new meds and things are looking up. I'm happy.
ive been doing pretty well though i took the time to laugh at desantis
Last night attended my first church council meeting. It was a rowdy crowd. It's going to be an exciting year.
Thanks to all of you for posting this week. You're wonderful for sharing and I'm very thankful.
Got another date with a nice and super cute girl who live about 30 mins away, gonna meet up on Saturday. Still talking to the asexual girl but we had to reschedule our date this weekend as she was busy volunteering for scouts so I I might end up with two dates on one weekend which is a stressful though.
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