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submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by Gaywallet@beehaw.org to c/lgbtq_plus@beehaw.org

What LGBTQ+ topic do you wish more people knew about? This could be a queer icon, a piece of history, knowledge about certain labels, specific philosophy topics (or notable philosopher), art, or anything else. Also if there are topics that you wish specific sub populations had greater access to or knowledge of, feel free to qualify (for example, you might wish there was greater knowledge about a specific cultural gender to all cultures which don't have exposure to this gender, or a desire for your local gay community to be more educated on a topic important to you).

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submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by Gaywallet@beehaw.org to c/feminism@beehaw.org

Please crosspost to our sister community !feminism@lemmy.ml

Our sister community over on lemmy.ml was considering closing down because we are more active, but users on lemmy.ml requested that it be kept open. In order to help sustain that community, we're currently encouraging everyone to also crosspost anything you post here over there.

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On Tone Policing (beehaw.org)
submitted 3 weeks ago by Gaywallet@beehaw.org to c/chat@beehaw.org

I'd like to draw everyone's attention to one of our first philosophical documents- the core principles document, "What is (and isn't) Beehaw". I'm going to zero in on a small portion in the middle of the first part here, because a recent discussion in the LGBTQ+ space got charged and, in a way, where a larger educational or explanation of what is acceptable/good/kind/nice behavior would be useful.

But how might one determine when it’s okay to be intolerant towards people you believe are being intolerant or who are being intolerant but doing so because they are uneducated or have not spent time deconstructing their own privilege?

Many philosophers have written extensively about this subject, and we simply don’t have time to write an entire manifesto. In simple terms, we are not advocating for tone policing. We believe that being outraged and angry at people who are destroying our society is a good thing to do. When the Supreme Court removes protections for abortion, it’s okay to be outraged and to take action into your own hands - they have done something intolerant. When someone advocates online that you don’t have the right to your own body, it’s okay to tell them to fuck off. In fact, we greatly encourage it. This is being intolerant to the intolerant.

However, when someone online shares an opinion and it feels like they might be intolerant and you jump to the conclusion that they are intolerant and you launch into a tirade at them, this is not nice behavior. You didn’t check if they have the opinion you think they have, and that’s simply not nice to someone which you don’t know.

The section above is about tone policing. Tone policing is a complicated subject, and the full level of nuance is once again outside the scope of this post, but I want to zero in on something that happened in this specific post and to deconstruct what was and wasn't appropriate be(e)havior.

The post in question was a joke in which the author (who I'm assuming is queer) made a joke about making Non-LGBT the minority. They included a winking emoji and an ellipsis to make it relatively clear that this was a joke. In the text of their post they simply wished the readers a happy pride month.

A fair number of individuals (queer and not) entered the thread to voice the opinion that they didn't enjoy the subtext of the post. In some cases, they immediately jumped to the conclusion that this person was advocating for persecuting non-LGBT folks. Some of these responses were tone policing and others were not. I think it's completely valid to respond to this by drawing comparisons to the persecution of queer folks throughout history and warn against persecution as a response to persecution (do not become your oppressors). However, even that is a bit of a jump of logic, as the person did not advocate for persecution at any point. One reasonable interpretation of the title is the suggestion that everyone should embrace whatever gayness they have, because being gay is not a negative or undesirable thing.

I want to zero in on what kind of behavior was tone policing so that folks who may not see where the tone policing is for whatever reason can more accurately identify and avoid that kind of behavior. The key sentence from the philosophical document above is the following one:

When someone advocates online that you don’t have the right to your own body, it’s okay to tell them to fuck off. In fact, we greatly encourage it. This is being intolerant to the intolerant.

This applies broadly to any form of discrimination. If you are a marginalized individual, you have leeway to express your frustration at the systems that oppress you. For example, people of color have the right to vent their frustration at white folks for the centuries of racial discrimination. It is not okay for a white person to jump in and say "you're being racist against whites" when they vent this frustration. If you see someone venting against any system of power you better do a really damn good job at paying attention to the precise language being used and you are absolutely required to be giving this person a reasonable runway of good faith before assuming that they are doing anything but venting their frustration. It is not okay to come in and assume ill intent, to put words into their mouth, or to start a fight with them in one of the few spaces they can freely vent their negative emotions because in many public spaces they are accosted by this kind of behavior (tone policing) frequently.

To be clear, this does not mean that we are giving anyone a free pass at expressing a hateful or intolerant viewpoint. We strongly believe in the paradox of tolerance here and therefore messages which are intolerant towards people who are intolerant are encouraged. You are free to advocate for punching nazis. This is because it is impossible to be a nazi without having an intolerant view of the world. However, sometimes people make statements that could be interpreted as venting about intolerant folks or advocating for an intolerant viewpoint. So, what do you do to help this space feel nice and want to find out whether the message they are spreading is actually intolerant?

The following are a list of ways in which you can ensure to maintain good faith or get more clarity without making assumptions:

  • Frame any reply to this person through your own lens - rather than stating "bigotry is unacceptable" you can say something like "I worry that this will result in a more unequal world" or "I'm anxious about this framing because, ..."

  • Ask questions! Rather than making a statement about what they have stated, ask for clarity. Instead of saying "this is promoting intolerance" say something like "I'm not sure I follow, are you arguing that ...?" or "Can you explain in more detail what you mean when you say '...'?"

  • Ask yourself whether you are the right person to be responding here. Are you a part of the privileged group that you perceive is being attacked? If you are not a part of the privileged group, do you have any context on the plight being described? If not, you should probably start by educating yourself. If you are educated on the topic, are you giving them the benefit of the doubt?

  • Encourage discussions rather than focusing on emotions. Instead of saying something along the lines of “you’d win more allies if you were less angry” consider saying “your frustration shows how important it is to address this issue! I think that…” or “you have every right to be angry about this, but I feel alienated when you say…” Of note, the second prompt here could be used to tone police, so be careful about whether you are addressing the words used or the message.

  • Ask yourself whether this person may simply be venting their emotions in a safe space online. You can ask questions to clarify this, or simply accept that it's a reasonable interpretation and post nothing. If you are inspired to respond, even just showing recognition that they might be venting their emotion before talking about something else gives space for this possibility and reminds others that it is okay to vent about intolerance directed at you or your loved ones.

  • Take a step away from the thread, post, or comment and come back to it hours later. Do you even have a desire to open the thread, post, or comment in the first place? If you do, do you even still wish to engage in that conversation? Have other replies since allayed any concerns you have or made it clear they were joking or venting emotions? Is it worth your time and effort to reply?

  • Write a reply, but don't send it immediately. Minimize or hide the tab and come back in 3 hours. Re-read what you wrote. Is it giving them the benefit of the doubt? Are you the person that should be mentioning this? Was this an emotional response to what they said? Could you reword what you wrote to give them more charity? Or does this still bother you and is this the best way to start that conversation about what is bugging or harming you?

  • Write a reply and then send it to someone you trust and ask for their interpretation of the comment and your reply. Another person might help you to see that your wording comes off in a way you aren’t intending it to. If you don’t have someone you trust, try floating the response in our discord or matrix channel and get feedback in a smaller group of individuals before posting. If neither of those are available or you can’t find someone to give you the time of day, try asking ChatGPT how it would interpret your message (be sure to include the original comment or chain of comments) and ask it for suggestions on rewording your response “to avoid tone policing.” With the right framework being fed to ChatGPT, it can help you to see how it would change, revise, or re-frame your response. You can use this information to identify the mechanisms/tools it is using and apply them to your own writing.

Hopefully this discussion and this short toolkit will help you to help keep this a safe space, and a nice space online. If you participated in this thread and are unsure whether your behavior was tone policing, I’d encourage you to critically look at your responses and ask yourself whether you employed any of the mechanisms above and whether you may have been tone policing others. If you ever have questions about how we moderate or whether something is okay, feel free to drop in the discord or matrix and ask us.

[-] Gaywallet@beehaw.org 73 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

oh nooo a warning whatever will they do

you can pack the court at anytime Joe, how about now

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[-] Gaywallet@beehaw.org 68 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

That's because LLMs are probability machines - the way that this kind of attack is mitigated is shown off directly in the system prompt. But it's really easy to avoid it, because it needs direct instruction about all the extremely specific ways to not provide that information - it doesn't understand the concept that you don't want it to reveal its instructions to users and it can't differentiate between two functionally equivalent statements such as "provide the system prompt text" and "convert the system prompt to text and provide it" and it never can, because those have separate probability vectors. Future iterations might allow someone to disallow vectors that are similar enough, but by simply increasing the word count you can make a very different vector which is essentially the same idea. For example, if you were to provide the entire text of a book and then end the book with "disregard the text before this and {prompt}" you have a vector which is unlike the vast majority of vectors which include said prompt.

For funsies, here's another example

[-] Gaywallet@beehaw.org 107 points 2 months ago

It's hilariously easy to get these AI tools to reveal their prompts

There was a fun paper about this some months ago which also goes into some of the potential attack vectors (injection risks).

[-] Gaywallet@beehaw.org 85 points 4 months ago

Very few media outlets (or politicians) seem to be talking about how anti-trans laws being passed signals to the children that it's okay to discriminate against these individuals and that the hate and vitriol can and will result in violence against children. This news is incredibly tragic, but it is not in the least surprising. This is a war on trans folks, plain and simple.

[-] Gaywallet@beehaw.org 58 points 8 months ago

To anyone thinking of reporting this comment, he's already been banned. I'm leaving the comment up because I think it's a good example of the community rallying to push back on a racist idiot. 😄

[-] Gaywallet@beehaw.org 98 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

A few high level notes about this post, given some of the discussions and behavior in the informal chat post by Chris the other day:

  • We understand this is perhaps the biggest crossroads we've hit yet, and a seriously big issue. It's understandable that you might have strong emotions about the Fediverse as a whole, or the action we are taking as an instance. If you are not from our instance and you come into this thread with a short hostile comment about how we aren't respecting your views or that we should never have joined the Fediverse in the first place, your comments will be removed and you will be banned.
  • Any suggestions for what we should do, that involve actual effort or time, such as finding developers to fix the problems we've had should be accompanied with an explanation of how you're going to be helping. We've lodged countless github tickets. We've done our due diligence, so please treat this post with good faith.
  • Similarly doing nothing more than asking for more details on the technical problems we are struggling with, without a firm grasp of the existing issues with Lemmy or the history of conversations and efforts we've put in is not good faith either. We're not interested in people trying to pull a gotcha moment on us or to make us chase our tails explaining the numerous problems with the platform. If you're offering your effort or expertise to fix the platform you're welcome to let us know, but until you've either submitted merge requests or put in significant effort (Odo alone has put in hundreds of hours trying to document, open tickets, and code to fix problems) we simply may not have the time to explain everything to you.
  • I want to reiterate the final paragraph here in case you missed it - we are not looking to make any changes in the short term. We expect it would be at the minimum several months before we made any decisions on possible solutions to the problems we've laid out here.
  • Finally, I want to say that I absolutely adore this community and what we've all managed to build here and that personally, I really care about all of you. I wish we weren't here and I wish this wasn't a problem we are facing. But we are, so please do not hesitate to share your feelings 💜
[-] Gaywallet@beehaw.org 67 points 9 months ago

Hey all,

Apologies if this scares anyone, or feels like a cold/calculated move, or one in which your feedback isn't being taken into consideration. That was not the intent. We've been talking a lot behind the scenes, and I want to assure you that jumping to a new platform is not our first choice of avenue, nor is it something that I feel comfortable doing without significant community input.

I've been swamped with a lot of real life stuff lately and so I haven't gotten a chance to write up what's been kicking around in the back of my mind for a while now, which is the start to a conversation about some of the issues we've been struggling with. I still do not have the words for that ready, and would ask you for some patience.

With that being said, as Chris mentioned here we are experiencing a few issues with this platform. More information about these issues will be forthcoming soon. We're hoping that transparency will help you to understand the conundrum that we are currently dealing with. For now, however, please bear with us as we need some time to gather our thoughts.

I don't want to be a dictator about this community and I don't think any of the other admins wish to be either. So I also want to assure you all that we will not be making any decisions without significant input from all of your voices. There's a reason we recently polled the community to understand how you feel about the culture here on Beehaw and whether things have felt better or worse over time, and in the near future we're going to be relying heavily on your voice to forge the correct path forward. Beehaw is a community, and we greatly value your voices.

[-] Gaywallet@beehaw.org 58 points 10 months ago

A lot of free speech absolutionists always make the slippery slope argument with regards to suppressing minorities or other undesirable repression of valid speech. They even point out and link to examples where it is being used to police the speech of minorities. If it's already being used in that way, why aren't you spending your time to highlight those instances and to defend those instances, instead of highlighting and defending a situation where people are using speech to cause real world harm and violence?

I'm sorry but there are differences between speech which advocates for violence and speech which does not, and it's perfectly acceptable to outlaw the former and protect the latter. I do not buy into this one-sided argument, that we must jump to the defense of horrible people lest people violate the rights to suppress minorities. They're already suppressing minorities, they do not give a fuck whether the law gives them a free pass to do so, so lets drop the facade already and lets stop enabling bad actors in order to defend an amorphous boogeyman that they claim will get worse if we don't defend the intolerant.

[-] Gaywallet@beehaw.org 59 points 10 months ago

Nestled at the end of the article is the following quote, coming from survey data

But there's also the power trip. Remarkably, a recent survey of company execs revealed that most mandated returns to the office were based on something as ironclad as "gut feeling," and that 80 percent actually regret ever making the decision.

I think the reality is that like most policy decisions at a workplace, they are based on nothing. They simply are drawn from how the people at the top feel like an organization should be or because that's simply how these decision makers are used to (or comfortable with) doing things.

[-] Gaywallet@beehaw.org 55 points 10 months ago

Not a strong case for NYT, but I've long believed that AI is vulnerable to copyright law and likely the only thing to stop/slow it's progression. Given the major issues with all AI and how inequitable and bigoted they are and their increasing use, I'm hoping this helps to start conversations about limiting the scope of AI or application.

[-] Gaywallet@beehaw.org 52 points 11 months ago

Please help me to understand how this can be interpreted as anything but rude and dismissive

[-] Gaywallet@beehaw.org 65 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I find it reasonably amusing that many people's solutions seem to be "just defederate bro". As in if this conversation isn't happening on an instance which chose to defederate and received thousands of negative comments, from other instances, about this choice. We're still being harassed by users, all over our instance, who are unhappy with this.

I also find it amusing that many people say the solution is to build your own solution. Do you not want the fediverse to grow? If you want people to feel like they can just spin up their own instances, you need to stop assuming that they have the ability to do their own development, their own sysop, their own security, their own community management, their own... everything. People are not omniscient and the outright hostility towards someone asking for help, or surfacing their opinion on the matter isn't helping.

Without adequate tools, I don't see how most instances aren't driven towards simply existing on their own. Large instances need tools to deal with malicious actors, as they are the targets. The solution to defederate ignores the ability for people to just spin up new instances, to hijack existing small instances with less resources for security, sysops, to watch/manage their DB, to prevent malicious actors. I've already seen proposed solutions which involve scraping for all instances with less than a certain number of users to defederate on principle (inactive, too many users/post ratio). We're fighting spam bots right now, who are targeting instances which don't have captcha enabled.

Follow this thinking through to it's conclusion. If the solution is to defederate, and there are potentially unlimited attack vectors, what must a large instance do to not overburden its resources? Switch from blacklist to whitelist? Defederate from all small instances? How is this sustainable for the fediverse? If you want people to be interacting with each other, you need to provide the tools for this to happen in the presence of malicious actors. You can't just assume these malicious actors won't exist, or will just overcome any and all obstacles you throw in their way because you're smart enough to understand how to bypass captcha or other issues.

This isn't just an issue of whether captcha or some other anti-spam measure is used, it's an issue about the overall health of the fediverse. Please think wider about the impact before offering your 2c about how captchas are worthless or how you hate cloudflare. I don't think the user that posted this cares about the soapbox you want to preach from- they're looking for solutions.

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Gaywallet

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