What has y'all experience with fidget or stim toys been? I'm getting assessed for ADHD, and it's likely i have autism, too. Today, during one of the ADHD assessments I mentioned to the psychologist applying the test that I pick the skin around my fingernails constantly, and she recommended getting one.

Do they help, in your experience? Anything to look for in one?

Working remote made me forget this but hanging around NTs I find one of them will absolutely be unable to suppress making a shitty comment to me usually about my face or something "oh gorb you should smile, whats the matter you look upset" I'M LITERALLY JUST EXISTING FUCK OFF.

Today was annoying because I was just behaving the same way i always behave and this turd burgler decides to exclaim to the room that they never see me act like this amd that i should do it more.... I'm literally just doing what I do every day the same way I do it and have done it for the last 10 years like what?

Can't people just like leave me alone and stop trying to police my every action and facial expression because it isn't exactly what they want. And why me? Why not pick on some other nobhead do i just emenate "pick on me" aura or something?

Anyone into philosophy/ethics/theology?

I’ve only studied technical fields, but I love trying (and typically failing) to engage with philosophical material. One of my old roommates studied philosophy, and we’d stay up late discussing it so I’d get tangential exposure and a good dialogue on ideas (I credit them with helping me “discover” actual theory). Anyway, they’ve been dead for a while now and while every day I wish it weren’t the case, so is my only connection to engaging with philosophical topics.

Anyway - I wanted to pick up more background info of ethical philosophy, and have been wading into Kant (like literally getting started with reviewing overview pages like this: https://iep.utm.edu/kantview ) and the page author’s summary stood out to me:

Kant’s ethics are organized around the notion of a “categorical imperative,” which is a universal ethical principle stating that one should always respect the humanity in others, and that one should only act in accordance with rules that could hold for everyone. Kant argued that the moral law is a truth of reason, and hence that all rational creatures are bound by the same moral law. Thus in answer to the question, “What should I do?” Kant replies that we should act rationally, in accordance with a universal moral law.

Kant also argued that his ethical theory requires belief in free will, God, and the immortality of the soul. Although we cannot have knowledge of these things, reflection on the moral law leads to a justified belief in them, which amounts to a kind rational faith. Thus in answer to the question, “What may I hope?” Kant replies that we may hope that our souls are immortal and that there really is a God who designed the world in accordance with principles of justice.

Maybe I’ll have my own understanding when I engage with Kant’s actual writing, but I find the mentioned notion of a “categorical imperative” interesting. I guess when I’ve heard disagreements framed as “philosophical differences”, I never took it literally (ironically), but it seems like differences in worldview stem from a disregard of the

universal ethical principle stating that one should always respect the humanity in others, and that one should only act in accordance with rules that could hold for everyone.

and it makes sense then that common ground cannot be found when opposing viewpoints are rooted in incompatible principles. (Assuming that all parties have principles of sorts).

Idk where I’m going with any of this post, but I don’t have anyone to engage in my philosophical dumbassery with, so you’re all the lucky recipients.

Also can one hop around between authors? Or is there a benefit to interacting with older material? I was interested in reading some Kierkegaard, but thought I should go through Kant and Hegel first… but should one go further back to idk… Plato?

Got the dreaded backorder text for concerta 27 two weeks ago. No change. Talked to my prescriber who called in Ritalin 30 LA today. It's backordered also.

Six tabs left and it's time to start the pharmacy phone tag game. Win and you get meds before you run out. Lose and you're out of meds, losing the executive function required to find your meds 😎🤙

It's been two years now how is this still a thing

How do you deal with mornings? I’ve long struggled with morning emotional dysregulation. Most days I try and get out of the house as quickly as possible (if I have to) so I don’t get caught in a spiral of disdain. As long as I can remember I’ve had an extremely low tolerance for social interaction, and even more in the morning.

I thought getting a stimulant would help (I’ve been prescribed for less than a year, so still very green on the topic) but idk if it actually does. I’ve stopped taking them for the past few weeks since I haven’t hoisted up my bootstraps enough to jump through the hoops to have the doctor resend the prescription (THAT THEY HAVE TO DO EVERY FUCKING TIME). Plus what’s the point idk if the efficacy is even there.

I thought I could trick my brain by bribing it with dopamine for getting out of bed with substances.

Idk per previous therapists I’ve tried all of the cbt, mindfulness, etc. and I feel like I have a good handle on those. The issue is that when I’m “in touch with my emotions, body, etc.” it’s resolutely pissed at the state of things. I’m obviously very happy and grateful for the life I have in the imperial core (/s) on top of the mountain of corpses of comrades and those I’d be with if I were a less “useful” ND or had a darker complexion.

Maybe this is just another vent post. But I’d love to hear if any of you have good ways of making it through the day.

Vent - After spending yesterday in a depressive episode from burnout I’ve decided that I’m too old to be anything but aggressively ND. Literally every day is systemic violence against ND folks to force us into their boxes- so fuck it. Maybe this is the year I’ll file an EEO complaint for forcing me to be in the office. I’m sick of it all. Or maybe it’s just working in the climate/water field and internalizing how fucked we are- or how little anyone cares. Idk. I usually rely heavily on dissociation as a coping strategy for making it through days of inane bullshit while the world burns, but am giving sobriety a try (5 days and I hate it!). Any way- I hope your years are off to a good start, and hope you all find peace and happiness :)

My stepdad is a great and nice guy, and I've suspected for a while that he might be autistic. He's very quiet and reserved, rarely shows strong emotion. Chuckles rather than laughter. He's also fixated on certain things and hobbies, and can talk/ramble about them for quite a long time. He likes puzzles and, what have been given to him, legos. Putting together and taking apart things.

Like I said, no hard evidence, but I could see it.

im not sure where else to post this. it's a bit of a vent, but I'm not gonna take too long

I've been on mastodon for 7-8 years now. mastodon has been pretty cool because unlike other social media, it allowed me to form closer ties to the people there. but this also made me realize how hurtful I can be to people who care about me

making a long story short: mastodon gave me a sense of security about expressing myself, so I went all out. just said whatever came to mind, responded to people honestly, etc. most of the time I always try not to insult anyone, especially when replying to people I care about. one friend made me realize I was being too combative for no reason sometimes and then I decided to take things easier

still, that didn't prevent me from hurting people I care about, which led me to be blocked by people I interacted a lot and who I considered to be friends a few times. one of those times, I was soft-blocked and saw the guy subtoot about me, so I knew what it was about and had the chance to reach out and apologize. he accepted my apologies, but said I sometimes come across as needlessly aggressive, which, according to him, contradicts what people who know me personally say about me. the other times I wasn't so lucky, so I just got blocked and have no idea why

all this reminds me of my childhood, when people constantly told me I'm annoying and that I should be quiet, which probably rendered me into a very quiet and shy teenager. I remember taking the piss out of people and enjoying it, so maybe people are right

not sure what to think of it. in the flesh world, people around me say I'm one of the nicest people they know, that I'm very caring and kind. some people say that about me on mastodon too, but I wonder if it's all just a mask and the true me is the annoying kid I suppressed early in my life.

I specifically try to keep the language neutral too. I know other ND users dont post because they're afraid of being accused of sealioning or catching a temp ban. I don't know where else to post this but I needed to vent and I'm sick of it.

Edit: thank you carcosa. Appreciated.

About ten years ago following a consultation with a doctor, I got diagnosed as having "treatment resistant depression." I gather this is maybe not the most broadly accepted terminology out there, but having tried out a few SSRIs and an SNRI (and multiple therapists) to absolutely no results or worse, I've come to respect it as the only diagnosis that makes any sense to me, and accurately describes the situation.

Anyway, I'm still here and still not on any kind of meds. I get a lot of exercise and have a physically active job that keeps me off the computer/phone for long stretches of time, get lots of sleep (always been great at sleeping), try to eat decently, cut back on drinking, do wholesome activities with others, see friends when I can, etc. I'm sure I would be doing a lot worse if I wasn't doing all those things, but I'm always looking for ways to make life more bearable.

So I guess I'm wondering: chronic depression havers of hexbear whomst are not on meds for whatever reason, what are your strategies for gettin' by? (Or if you are on meds but don't find them sufficient as a sole strategy I guess.) Much love to you all and here's to getting through a lot more years.

Treatment Options for ADHD-Related Sleep Problems

If the patient spends hours a night with thoughts bouncing and his body tossing, this is probably a manifestation of ADHD. The best treatment is a dose of stimulant-class medication 45 minutes before bedtime. This course of action, however, is a hard sell to patients who suffer from difficulty sleeping. Consequently, once they have determined their optimal dose of medication, I ask them to take a nap an hour after they have taken the second dose.

Generally, they find that the medication’s “paradoxical effect” of calming restlessness is sufficient to allow them to fall asleep. Most adults are so sleep-deprived that a nap is usually successful. Once people see for themselves, in a “no-risk” situation, that the medications can help them shut off their brains and bodies and fall asleep, they are more willing to try medications at bedtime. About two-thirds of my adult patients take a full dose of their ADHD medication every night to fall asleep.

Source

Good luck convincing my doctor of this. 🙁

[Edit]

Heya all,

As the title implies I recently switched from Concerta (27 mg) to Vyvanse (20 mg) because I had heard very wonderful things about the latter and upping my Concerta dosage wouldn't be ideal given my blood pressure. I'm about six days in to the swap and quite honestly I feel like shit. Like, obviously I'm experiencing withdrawal symptoms from a stimulant I took habitually for years but this still sucks. I'm curious to hear from others who have had the same experience, particularly about how long the adjustment period was.

So I'm sure a lot of us have been dog-piled before, where several people are jumping down your throat or demanding things of you and even in the best of times it would be hard to keep up but now you're in crisis, etc. It devolves into being the 'lolcow' for those present, especially if you're like me and can struggle to disengage and sometimes lash out especially when spurred on so it gets funnier the more people fuck with me, how cool!

I've dog-piled people, too.

I enjoyed doing it many times and only regretfully recently did I realize what I was doing, and the hurt I'd caused all those times.

I realized what I was really doing once a couple of years ago when WAY too late, after the dust had already settled and all the distress had already been caused when I went back for MORE like some kind of ghoul did I realize it was just a person who, just like me, me who struggled to disengage and due to the frantic pace and number of participants in the argument couldn't reevaluate or think or process and of course they just kept doubling down, and miscommunication on top of miscommunication to boot... it was bad, and gross, and it was my fault. I was the person who started the argument with them, in the end it had all been a miscommunication, we set up alternate definitions for central vocabulary in the argument very early on and didn't realize we were talking past each other, and neither did all of the NT's who joined in to dunk on the weird wrong internet loser, poke them more and laugh when they get upset and say more funny wrong things

I felt and still feel bad about my active participation, and worse the joy it brought me, I was there too, dunking on some lib with my friends, how fun! except it wasn't fun and cool, it was trapping someone in our little arena and watching them gladiator battle for us. Most of the people who were joining in with me were NT, and I was the one who slammed the gate on them after leading them into the arena

That said, I would not have any sympathy whatsoever if this happened to a proud zionist who says the quiet part out loud, but I think its a fucked up pattern that exists broadly throughout contemporary English speaking internet, and even (gasp!) within the culture here on hexbear. It does still make me uneasy, as we all know how quick that can be used on us and not because we support genocide, but because of a faux pax or other NT social bullshit, or just a straight up misunderstandings that are perfectly reasonable to have happen to a person sometimes.

It should only be employed carefully to remove poisonous people from the community as self defense, preventing us becoming a nazi bar for example, but its use should be conscious, not wanton. People should KNOW that they are dogpiling, and what that implies, and the dangers that holds for their neurodiverse comrades who could get caught in the crossfire if they start doing it when the stakes aren't 'make nazis get the fuck out' but 'this person is dumb and fun to fuck with'

I made this post because I almost did it again, when I saw that fuckin AOC stanning loser who was arguing with dozens of people, one of which was that shared bureaucracy account that half a dozen different people were using and replying to all of their comments across the entire comment tree, and how they had been posting continuously for hours and hours in a row, like, probably not a neurotypical person here right? When I saw the thread there were people saying stuff like "lmao he's still posting? It's been hours!" and I've totally been there so it just makes my stomach twist a bit. I couldn't help but think of the times I had hurt people and how it looked a lot like that (they weren't nearly as wrong as this guy tho I mean cmon, AOC? That's where I draw the line) I almost went in and started adding my own comments, dancing on the grave, but realized I was doing the same fucking thing again, reinforcing the same harmful norms and behaviors, even though this person is a loser that likes AOC. Again I wanna emphasize, wah their feelings got hurt because they have terrible politics, this case is kind of riding the line because it is really only occurring because the person has terrible politics, but I also don't like that there's no emergency brake or tolerance built into the system to allow for neurodivergent people who mean well and want to learn and be better, like how I like to think I did

I'm also not saying get rid of dunking culture generally, I actually kind of like it in the form of taking an incidence of someone saying or doing bad politics, and then us collectively mocking and deconstructing the bad politics and putting forth the correct, or possible, alternatives. This is politically useful, very fun, and importantly doesn't trap the target of the mockery and arguments IN the post, getting tormented in the comments drowned between a dozen simultaneous arguments. I think that's an important difference.

I usually feel a bit disappointed when I see a big comment tree and all the comments are removed and the person got banned pretty quickly, but I'm starting to think that's safer as a moderation strategy. I hadn't thought about that until writing this post and thinking about that AOC stan and how the mods explicitly didn't ban and remove their posts so we could go to town (no shade on the mod its the expected culture and I didn't even question it until just now either). Idunno, another adjacent thought there for ya

anyway, am I being a pissbaby about this? Is this an example of how dog-pile culture hurts neurodivergent people and doesn't always discriminate between friend and foe, and how fostering this kind of culture is hostile to the inclusion of neurodivergent people broadly? I accidentally wrote a giant post again and I rearranged and added to things as I went so it's probably hard to follow good luck I hope I went somewhere with it 👍

Leave a comment :)

p.s. the parts where I'm weirdly hostile and rude to that poster is just because of my username and me bein a funny bean, sorry if it had a weird tone clash, LAUGH DAMN YOU!

Do the other branches next

I'm in my mid-20s. I don't often see my parents, but when I'm out with my mother, I'll ocasionally point in excitement at someone or something I saw that interests me. My mother always disapproves of this, and she always says "don't do that, it's rude to point" in a sharp tone. Is she right?

It's getting quite late, having a sleep inversion in the last few days that I tried to squash today by sleeping around 3 hours (and feeling quite tired too). I was sleepy earlier and then felt into a rabbit hole of neuro divergence YouTube and here I am kinda missing my old self.

Got diagnosed with Bipolar2 a few years ago, still changing some medication this fall but it seems to work. I feel boring.

And now I'm kinda missing being depressed, and also when it broke down into hypomania. I remember all of it. Missing work, dropping out of every started project, wanting to die - but having anxiety attacks when about to sleep about the void of death.

My last hypomania was fueled by Vyvanse (to treat ADD) and the feeling was so great. I asked someone at work who has extras if I could buy them. But they know I have bipolar, seems like they won't, I won't push it.

But yeah, mostly, missing being depressed tonight and I kinda feel ashamed posting it here where people could just wish to get rid of it, and I hope you do if it's the case.

That's it, take care you all magnificent people.

Hi Friends,

ADHD/Anxiety/OCD haver here. Coping with the symptoms of those 3 disorders especially around the holidays has me feeling really crappy. Mostly because of my poor communication skills with regards to my family. It’s causing stress and strain on my wife and resulted in a fight today.

I don’t know what to do, all I can think about is how much I resent myself for letting this behavior go on for most of my life and now letting it negatively impact my marriage.

I’m not here looking for solutions, but any advice wouldn’t be unappreciated.

More so, I am just looking to say out loud the thing that is eating me up inside…

I am so resentful of myself and wish I could snap my fingers and be better at life. I’m sick of people around me taking the brunt of the mental/emotional baggage I unleash on my surroundings just because I can’t handle being an adult. It’s so exhausting being me and I hate it.

Thanks for reading.

On a related note, I think I'm the only one who played Zone of the Enders more than the MGS2 demo disc it came with

I was only able to stream for an hour before I had to stop.

Now I solidly can't enjoy anything. What do I do?

I've been trying to get my life back on track and thought part of that might be reconnecting with people. So i just sent a few text but holy shit my social anxiety brutal, like I have no idea how I'm going to calm down for the rest of the day. Like I know the worst that can happen is i just get ignored but I guess part of me is worried someone is going to text back "fuck you I'm glad you're out of my life." Ugh this sucks.

I saw a post elsewhere that was just a picture of giant construction machines and I was like HELL YEAH and it reminded me of this story:

A couple of years ago I heard that a nearby city's public works department was having a BIG WHEELS EXPO where they were going to have all the giant trucks and machines out and people to talk to you about them and I was like, amazing, sounds fun, can't wait!

So, I make plans to go with my husband. I'm a 40-ish year old lady type. Somehow I was surprised that this was literally an event for children. I became wildly embarrassed and even though my husband was really trying to encourage me to have a good time I was like, nah let's GTFO.

Anyways, I've since leaned in to the joy I feel from GIANT MACHINES AND STRUCTURES (it's important to capitalize that lol). In hindsight, things like this should have probably been a pretty big sign that my brain worked different and I wish I had figured that our through my joy and not burnout.

That's a wrap for today. Hope to see you at the next one!

Does this make sense at all? In my head, it’s the most clear. When written, I feel like I’m not able to fully express what I’m thinking. When speaking, it’s like fucking Russian roulette and can be wonderfully put together and eloquent or stroke-like.

Is there any way to improve this or is it just the way my damn brain works?

I have schizoaffective disorder which comes with such lovely features as psychosis, which is a physical symptom that causes it to be difficult for me to distinguish between reality and fantastical things my brain makes up. (or other people's brains think up for that matter) Often I have difficulty even recognizing the thing isn't real, simply assuming it's part of the real world other people are used to, ignoring, or unaware of.

The experience I want to talk about is with ghosts. I don't think belief in ghosts is a very Materialist belief, but my experiences with them have been real enough that I don't think it matters that much. One prevalent ghost is that of a cousin of mine. I never met her, all I know is that she fell victim to suicide very shortly before I was born. I think that's partly why my mom has been more supportive of me through my mental illness journey, so in a way her shadow has affected my whole life. But in more recent years, I've noticed when suicidal thoughts creep in, she appears and will just sit with me. She doesn't say much other than to assure me she doesn't condemn me for my feelings. She just sits there with me through it. Having someone who has experienced the feelings I'm having sitting with me through them is a comforting feeling.

I'm not sure why I felt the need to post this. Maybe to just give some insight into the psychotic experience? Maybe to show not all psychotic encounters are negative? Maybe I just wanted to vent about it. In any case, take this as you will.