There's really four parts, but give it a read-through.

I talked about this video in this post here.

It really helped me. I mean, this was a godsend (except for the jump-scare near the beginning). I would heartily recommend it to people who struggle with productivity either way.

cross-posted from: https://hexbear.net/post/1852371

I ended up opening up to ten books and reading them for a few days (going one by one by one and then back again, trying to repeat the process).

Then asked myself "What am I doing?"

I was trying to be productive now that I don't have a job, but I realized that I'm almost done with university and have an internship now; I'm already focused on those two things and was just trying to make up for "free time." I mean, what the hell... I didn't have to make myself "more productive" but here I am.

I also decided to stop another activity of mine that I was practicing 'cause, again, I felt I needed to do it rather than wanting to do it.

A YouTube video that inspired me was here, btw. But it wasn't the only inspiration. Just a creeping realization among other things.

In the end, I got overwhelmed and realized I didn't want to do... any of these things. There were only two books that I wanted to read immediately anyways and the rest I could save for later if I wanted to get to them. I told some friends and I now know someone who admitted to trying to read up to twenty (I'm guessing by going through each one and then back again each week). I'm not judging, but now I know how extreme things can get.

And here I was being against "required reading" (which I kinda still am as I believe, outside of a few classics and fundamental material, Marxists should read whatever the hell they want, and even then, I'm pretty lax about that rule).

Welp, that's all.

How are you all doing this week?

I just read the entirety of shotgun boy, a 68 chapter webtoon in one sitting. It took a solid 6-7 hours with a break or so to eat and talk to my girlfriend. I could not put it away, every moment I could fit in I was reading it. It's 4:30 am, I have class tomorrow. They're just so easy to consume. I didn't even sleep last night, I'm exhausted but I had to finish it. Even now I'm posting this because I'm still thinking about it while I struggle to fall asleep. I want to reread sweet home.

WHERE TO GET THE BOOK: http://libgen.is/book/index.php?md5=F6B31A8DAFD6BD39A5986833E66293E6

People have been kind enough to link the audiobook in past posts, so hopefully they'll do that here, too.

In this chapter, Dr. Price goes over those who are often found to be Autistics who discover that they have been masking their whole lives without realizing. Again, lots of Literally Me moments spread throughout for all to enjoy and cry about when traumatic memories you kinda just pushed down a long time ago come back up to the surface. Fun!

We're introduced to a few of these folks, starting with Bobbi. Bobbi is an autistic nonbinary person who was raised as a girl but never got clocked as autistic for their entire life until well into their thirties. Before that, they were just the weird kid who was shoved off to the side. Appropriately, Autistic women and gender minorities are the first group Dr. Price goes over, and how their misdiagnosis is often rooted in the "white boy who likes trains and talks like Rainman" stereotype of autism, and gender roles in general. He talks about "female Autism" and other such nonsense, and how being a social butterfly to compensate for Autism symptoms can lead to an internal life of incredible pain and needless self-sacrifice that goes completely unnoticed by everyone around the Autistic in question, and about his own gender transition as well.

After that, Dr. Price discusses the issues of ethnic minority Autistics, and how failing to mask can be downright dangerous for them, and how this necessity leads to terrible rates of underdiagnosis, and the overwhelming majority of therapists being white meaning they lack critical cultural context for the social aspects of treating Autism, not to mention how good ol' racism just turns them invisible to the people looking for more of those Sheldon Cooper types . And again, the necessity of masking and how it parallels code-switching, meaning that Black Autistics in particular get to navigate even more complicated social variables now, and if they don't they can end up imprisoned or dead.

After that, the outgoing Autistics who are highly verbal who are straight up told they don't have Autism to their faces becuause, you know, they're not so cringe that everybody feels okay being cruel to them without guilt. So though highly visible, their pain remains hidden, and people guilt them for it when they try to talk about it. More nuances on sensory seeking, predictability discussed.

Next, Dr. Price goes into an in-depth discussion of people with comordid conditions. ADHD is a big one (that's me!) and there's so much overlap between symptoms that some people think that they might very well be different expressions of the same thing. PTSD's another big one, and what's fun is lots of Autistic people also have PTSD from all the horrible treatment they've received from people their entire lives, including gaslighting therapists who try to "fix" them using ineffective therapies.

Lastly, there's that pesky "high functioning" label, basically "You can't be autistic because you're not a completely useless piece of shit! You can do a job that makes money, so you don't deserve to be scheduled for extermination!" There's lots to unpack in here, and I'm sure a lot of it is familiar to the people who are already interested in this book club. After that, some advice on seeking out fellow neurodivergents to find a community of similar people.

DISCUSSION:

• Any passages or quotes that stick out to you? Experiences similar to the ones described in this chapter?
• What hit you the hardest here?
• Was there anything about the communities featured in this chapter that you got new insight on? New things to relate to?
• Anything clarified in this chapter that relates to the last one for you?

Again, tag post to follow, and my thoughts later on once I have the time and energy.

cross-posted from: https://hexbear.net/post/1805789

So, I have a problem that I won't be able to solve until the end of 2025. If everything goes well, it will be like nothing ever happened. If everything goes wrong, I might have to pay money I cant really pay right now. (No idea how much exactly but mor than I can afford probably) This is obviously a stress factor at times. I "could" try to solve it right now, but I can't really afford to solve this if it doesn't work out and have to rely on my parents' money, which sucks and is bad. In a way, it's probably not the end of the world; I heavily doubt I will go to prison, at least, but it sucks to have something that feels like a set-in-stone bad end. Feels like knowing the day of your death. Also, my dad has cancer, and that also is a bit of a stress factor, to be honest.

I'm schizophrenic, and usually just browsing the internet/games/anime is enough to keep my stress and thoughts at bay. Today, though, I couldn't think about anything else while doing other things, and it is really messing with me.

Do you have any tips for dealing with (I think you call them intrusive thoughts)? Other than drugs. I only do alcohol and I dont want to become an alcoholic.

Actually typing all of this out was nice if nothing else.

I feel stressed and overwhelmed with the constant amount of stuff I have to do all the time. There's work, there's family, there's chores, there's personal finances, there's my health, there's personal relations, there's a thousand little things that screams for my attention. Somewhere in there there's also the desire to one day relax and maybe do something because I want to do it instead of it being something I have to do.

There's just so much and the pile of tasks keeps growing and growing. I don't have the time and energy to do half of what I feel I'm supposed to do and almost no time and energy to do what I have to do. I'm exhausted and stressed and I feel guilty all the time for letting people down.

I feel like I never have the time to do things right or to handle the problems that are draining my time and energy. Instead I'm constantly running around and putting out fires. If I were to put enough time and effort into actually improving some of the things that are stressing me it would mean I would have to let go somewhere else and suffer the ramifications.

I was diagnosed with ADHD a few years back. I got meds and they have improved things a lot but nobody helped me figure out how to organise daily life with ADHD. I don't even know if time management would help, I don't waste my time, I get things done, I just never get enough things done. And besides, what good is a schedule if there's constantly some external factor demanding a change of plans?

How do you manage this?

People keep telling me I only deal in absolutes, and that it's unhealthy and I should sometimes find the middle-ground between two different positions. (I.e. caring for myself vs others, putting all my energy on a task vs not even bothering)

So what's the procedure to finding a middle-ground so I can apply it to literally everything in my life, as the Autistic Gods demand? \s

cross-posted from: https://hexbear.net/post/1796476

I have OCD.

And I've lately developed a penchant for clicking on the blue dotted YouTube channels on my subscription list to the left-hand side of the page.

I would rather that I didn't have to see that or deal with that so I can try to "willpower" my way through not clicking them or clicking all of them or as many as I can before getting tired.

But ultimately, it would be easier if there was a way to get rid of the blue dots entirely.

Is there an extension for Mozilla Firefox to adjust the UI so I can get rid of the blue dots?

Or maybe there's a trick to change the formatting on YouTube as is?

Thanks in advance, comrades.

I hope I explained myself well. Thanks!

I’ve said for the longest time that it’s like being a prisoner in my own head because I have so much emotional retention. Only now am I beginning to discover that is because of years of being afraid to express how some of that stuff made me feel. Because most “men” or whatever would toughen up and not let it bother them. So I can’t tell if it’s toxic masculinity which traumatized me or autism. Maybe a little of column A and a little of column B

But as an adult, I am inherently people-pleasing, struggle with decisions, have extremely low self-confidence and act like I don’t even exist, etc

I reduced my 150mg / day dosing by just 10mg and I already feel depressed, very irritable and self harming out of nowhere for the last 3 days. Am I doing this too fast?

Lmao it’s so fucking ironic

This exact same situation I’m facing is one which is source of everything

I tried to share what I’ve discovered with a family member, they say I’m overreacting and “not that special.” Then I share something with someone (historically the only other irl person I know) to establish the slightest sense of trust as a last resort , they thank me for sharing it with them and we continue to talk about it a bit more. And then I feel like shit because I may have unintentionally traumatized them and they’re too nice to admit it. Goes back to the lifelong idea of not knowing “how much to share.” So you shut yourself away, ending in the most precarious feedback loop imaginable

I’m literally Charlie from flowers for algernon. “You mean I get to decide?” I have no idea how Daniel Keyes so brilliantly captured the essence of and gave meaning to all of the thoughts in all of my adolescent notebooks, but fucking bravo to him.

this is what i need/am looking for:

1. note taking on android, maybe PC too.
2. easy to check them off, ability to set it to push notification about specific notes
3. tied to a calendar
4. voice to text capabilities. i need to be able to dictate a reminder on the go.
5. preferably free but i would totally pay for these features. just not subscription model

WHERE TO GET THE BOOK: http://libgen.is/book/index.php?md5=F6B31A8DAFD6BD39A5986833E66293E6

People have been kind enough to link the audiobook in past posts, so hopefully they'll do that here, too.

CHAPTER ONE: WHAT IS AUTISM, REALLY?

In this chapter, Dr. Price discusses what the popular perception (read: stereotype) of Autism is, as opposed to what it actually is, and how it is just as much a social thing as it is a medical thing. How Autism often goes undiagnosed in people of color, women, gender nonconforming people, etc. He discusses the concept of neurodiversity and how it applies to ASD and ADHD people, AuDHD people, schizophrenics, BPD people, people deemed "low intelligence" or "low-functioning," etc. and how neurotypicality is not so much a described set of behaviors as an oppresive social ideal that literally everyone deviates from in some small way at least.

There's a heartbreaking passage in here where Dr. Price recounts his father tearfully revealing his cerebral palsy and seizure disorder to him as if it was a source of secret shame, how this is tragically rational because if he didn't hide it it might lead to losing his job or other forms of discrimination that disabled people of all stripes face. How avoiding a label can be a social asset in a world that deems you unfit for public life in many ways if you're labeled autistic. How even a late diagnosis can open you up to a world of new possibilities, and get rid of toxic shame you've had for a long time.

There's discussion of how the stereotype of Rainman Bazinga Sheldon is tied into the roots of Autism's first descriptions in medical literature, and how Hans Asperger played a role in this with his eugenicist beliefs and willing cooperation with the Nazi regime to exterminate children dubbed Autistic (as opposed to "useful" ones that could be trained to fit in as a lower class of person -- essentially "Asperger's" meant you got to live) and how that harms minority Autistics, causing them to go undiagnosed or forcing them to mask in more fundamental, soul-crushing ways, to avoid social misunderstandings that can literally be deadly for them.

From there we get a medically and socially up-to-date definition and breakdown of what Autism is, a simple explanation of some of the neurobiology involved, the neurological markers like focus on details and diminished ability to prioritize and differentiate stimuli and delayed emotional processing, and the various medical, psychological, and social impacts Autism has on those who are Autistic. There's a lot in here on neurodiversity, intersectionality, how stereotypes were formed, how to start recognizing them as such. There's also a lot on how unfairly the medical community and especially health insurance treats neurodivergent people, and so on.

Most importantly, this is where Dr. Price first advocates for the notion of Autistic self-determination. He stresses "self-determination" or "self-realization" over "self-diagnosis" because of the social aspect of Autism, and promises to expand on this notion further, which indeed he does.

So, discussion questions:

• What did you think of this chapter? Is there anything new you learned? Anything that really activates those almonds, gets the noggin joggin'?
• Are there any passages that really stuck out to you? Something you think warrants deeper discussion or really crystallizes something you were struggling to express or share?
• Any certified "literally me" moments that touched you?
• Anything you hope to explore further in upcoming chapters?

Tag post to follow, plus my thoughts in another post.

cross-posted from: https://hexbear.net/post/1756185

It's dangerous to go alone.

Use this.

1.) Upon deep reflection, many of the words defined one way in the dictionary mean something entirely different in real life

2.) The DSM criteria for autism is fucking shit and should be rewritten

3.) I’m usually silent in whatever social situation I’m in or stick to very “safe” words because there are sooooooo many ways to express the same thing and my brain can’t decide which details to focus on

4.) I’m learning it’s OK to have needs even if they’re quirky and jumping from thing to thing to thing is what I do sometimes (even to momentarily distract myself from something scary which I need to work on).

5.) Emotion words are very hard and something I will probably be working on for the rest of my life

Maybe this’ll help someone :)

I've got a degree in engineering. I love engineering, programming, electronics, CAD and physical prototype design. I love identifying problems and figuring out requirements and designing something to solve it. I know I'm really good at it, but I can only really perform what feels like 20% of the time.

I'll get into some hyper focus for some problem, learn some complex technology, solve the problem, then not be able to look at tech for weeks. This is cool for hobby stuff but man I gotta work too.

I find it nearly impossible to work on things which I don't find personally interesting which isn't good because most "work" isn't interesting whatsoever. I envy people who are able to just go "ah time to do this boring thing" and they just fucking do it. It genuinely feels impossible to just start.

I'm medicated for ADHD but it feels like it only works like 20-30% of the time. The rest of the time my eyes just lose focus and I stare blankly at a screen waiting for hours to pass.

I don't know how to make this work for me either. I know theoretically I could be a prototype engineer, the type of freelance generalist who gets an idea out and disappears but I don't know how to network sufficiently enough to do that. I've got a good job right now, but COL is so high and full remote isn't possible so I'll always be living in a small apartment or be in so much debt I'll never be able to retire.

I want to do more hardware stuff but that's so rarely a remote type job and offices just hurt my soul with how uncomfortable I am all day long. I could probably make a living as a software engineer but I don't know if I'd be able to keep up any kind of pace long term that would let me keep my job.

I almost want to take a stab at doing youtube videos and see if I can make a handful of neat projects that get me a sponsor. enough to score a house in a rundown rustbelt town and be able to fuck off and work at my own pace without the impending doom of rent or mortgage staring me down.

I drink plenty of water, jog when its warm, use a pomodoro timer when I remember. I learned the fundamentals of Rust in a weekend, designed and manufactured a run of PCBs in under 3 months. I just can't keep that momentum going, even if I try to slow down.

thanks for letting me rant. Its not lost on me how privileged I am in this scenario. I'm quite lucky and comfortable but it terrifies me how even someone doing well like myself can't see an exit off this awful ride.

Basically I don't experience yippie yay joys but I don't get sad or angry a lot either. I have things I like and dislike but I don't get internal reactions like "i hate this >:(" or "omg I love this sm :3" a lot, unless it's something integrated into me like really non-enjoyable thing. I sometimes feel silly and whimsy moods but I wouldn't feel like jumping in the air with my feet touching like a cartoon character, I'm just neutral idk

But somehow my facial expressions/tone are interpreted as hostile but I just think of myself having a long face and a monotone voice. I mean I do get annoyed but only if ppl insist that what they project onto me actually applies. I sometimes feel like I have to mask that aspect and say stupid catchphrases/be silly to be more palatable and it's turned into feeling the need to use emoticons or "unserious" language a lot so ppl don't get the wrong idea. It also plays into how ppl will laugh at me if I'm serious so I might as well just play the clown

Idk let me know what you think/experience down below

Like holy shit no I’m not. I wish I could film myself all day every day because I know I talk fucking strange, make weird facial expressions, walk funny, move my head weird, etc., all things I want to work on, because I know people look at me like I’m a fucking alien, because these are all things I should have smoothed out by the time I was like 13 but fucking didn’t.

I know there isn’t really anything wrong with me, but when I listen to the way I talk, see the way I behave in the wild, etc., I am exactly someone who I would be embarrassed to be around. I know that’s shitty of me, that I would be embarrassed to be around someone, but idk what to tell you.

Even when I’ve been awake for a couple days and say some fucking bizarre shit to someone they’re like “Oh no you're fine you talk normal” NO I DON’T.

Are these people concerned about being ableist or something? Because it’s even more ableist to fucking coddle me and lie to me when I’m trying to figure out why (generally) nobody likes me.

Godamn it pains me. I’m convinced that all of my irl friendships/relationships always fizzle out because I’m stale beyond words and am just so fucking dry. I have some friends who I’ve only heard laugh a handful of times, and it probably wasn’t even because of me. And if it was, it was surely because I did something awkward/socially taboo

I've been speaking some time with an obviously ND person. I'm not sure exactly what they struggle with, but it's outwardly noticeable as such (kind of stumbling around, shaking, general social awkwardness, sometimes having outbursts). They also have explicit hearing problems.

We were in a larger group making small talk, and they asked me to repeat what I said, to which I reponded, "oh, nothing important". They responded immediately "isn't it the listener who should decide what's important?" which I accepted and then did repeat what I said.

Their instant response signaled to me either that they often have the same situation where people don't want to bother reprating themselves, and/or that they are much more mentally lucid than I prejudiciallly assumed.

Then I thought, isn't one of the core aspects of social awkwardness that you don't understand the situation you are in? That you can't even hear what people are saying? And then if people don't even bother repeating themselves upon request, wouldn't you feel that people don't value you, thus compounding alienation, anxiety, etc? This is obviously where I am part of the problem.

And all this because I don't like repeating myself, to ND/hearing-impaired people or not. I don't like having to raise my voice. The prospect of not being able to hear things is not something I ever have had to consider.

Anyone else have experiences like this? Know the view from the other side? Am I making sense?

no, this is not in the wrong sub

i've watched jeremy blake/red means recording for quite a while. his OP-1 videos have always been mostly focused on the workflow and music creation with some side chat about life and stuff, but here the script is kind of flipped. he talks about reading devon price's 'unmasking autism' and goes from there. anyway, this video/final track is unexpectedly profound on the subject of living a neurodivergent experience in the modern condition. i think its worth your time

also if i turn a few heads on to this guy's genuinely high quality content then cool

Haven’t been diagnosed with anything, probs autistic or something considering how much I resonate with this comm BUT I can very easily get myself in and out of “the zone” with enough mental energy. As a result, kinda makes it hard to determine what my actual interests are. Ofc there’s a people pleaser angle to it all, but there’s also the the side where I just like learning new shit, keeping it in my brain for a few seconds and moving on to the next thing 🥴

It seems no matter which deoderant I pick, it immediately ceases to be sold. I haven't found my brand in weeks now.