When I was a child, autism didn't exist. Obviously it did, but it wasn't in the DSM then. It was a fringe diagnosis.

I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I'd known early on that I want to crank out spreadsheets for 8 hours a day—for fun.

Anyway, I hope you folks get dealt a better hand than me, now that our condition is real and acknowledged.

I’ve seen it referenced on TikTok but I’m curious about the evidence. It seems pretty plausible. The same gene is involved apparently. There’s very high “comorbidity.” Even in non “AuDHDers” many of the symptoms of one (that an individual “doesn’t have”) are present. Autists can be very different from eachother and it seems like they may sometimes have more in common with some ADHDers than eachother. Dividing things into specific labels like this is kinda lib and undialectical anyway. People already realizing Aspergers and other things were just autism. “Pathological Defiant Disorder” (allegedly) seems to basically just be a common presentation of AuDHD. There’s also the monotropism theory that both tend to be high in.

This is just my uneducated opinion on something I’ve been fixated on and pondering for a little while. I’m curious if anyone has any serious evidence or more interesting thoughts. There’s probably also connections to other neurodivergences.

Here's the talk if anyone is curious

i live with my parents right now, and i often have thoughts that they are tired of me and going to have me killed or something.

my mom tells me she loves me all the time but i always feel like theres some secret resentment that im still around.

idk i just wish i wasnt so scared all the time.

it sucks living like this

This is a belated follow-up to a post from several months ago.

TL;DR: New restrictions on controlled medications require that patients use a pharmacy within a few miles of their prescribing physician, and my psychiatrist is two hours away. Many comrades suggested looking into online pharmacies.

Developments

I called three online pharmacies and inquired if they could fill controlled prescriptions. They all said yes!

However...

None take patients without health insurance!

And so, my routine continues. I'm going to the pharmacy tomorrow. If I leave by 8 AM tomorrow I should be back in time for afternoon classes.

My Refill Workflow

1. Leave a voicemail with my physician's clinic requesting a refill

2. Pharmacy never automatically fills it, so I have to follow up.

3. Call pharmacy. Robot says

Hi. What can I do for you? :blob-no-thoughts:

I'm inquiring about my prescription's status.

Okay, I can help you with that! Please say or enter your prescription number. :blob-no-thoughts:

As a matter of fact, I don't have it because controlled substances cannot be refilled and thusly every dispensation requires a new, unique prescription number which I have literally no way of knowing until I receive it. :morshupls:

I'm sorry, I didn't quite get that. Please say or enter your prescription number. :blob-no-thoughts:

I don't have it.

What can I do for you? You can say things like: "what are the pharmacy hours", or "refill a prescription" :blob-no-thoughts:

Motherfucker, if you don't put me on the phone with a person RIGHT NOW I will crawl through this goddamn telephone wire and SHOVE your stupid-ass code through your interface!

Okay. I'll get you to someone. :blob-no-thoughts:

Hello, mister pharmacy tech, sir. Can I pick up my prescription tomorrow morning?

I don't see any prescriptions here... Wait! Oh, it looks like there is a problem with your prescriber's DEA number.

Yeah, that sounds right. The very same thing the last five times, too. The head pharmacist should be able to straighten it up.

Okay. Check back this afternoon.

4. Call pharmacy again for Follow-Up: Round Two. Repeat the locution with the bot to speak to a pharmacist who confirms it's ready.

5. Drive a zillion miles and pick it up.

God Bless America

I have trouble telling what the pain in my stomach is telling me, so I pretty much only just realized how bad my body hates certain sensory and social stuff. It’s as though my insides were on fire and the only way to slightly affect it is to cry (and obvi get away from the noise). I thought it was just anxiety or under stimulation before, but no, those are separate things. I have spent hours today doing various self care type stuff (meditation, being in nature, exercising, mindfully eating, yoga nitra, massage, taking a bath, fun things on the internet, positive stimulus of other sorts, zoning out), and the feeling’s still there. I don’t even mask. How do you deal with having to be in a sensory hell for hours of the day? How do you calm down? Please don’t say drugs.

Context: ADHD often makes people struggle with interoception and being able to relax.

Posts:

• Advice on how to prepare for seeking an ADHD diagnosis
• There are two wolves inside you: a description of co-occuring ADHD & autism from an auDHDer
• Being nonverbal is a permanent condition, selective mutism is not
• Ranting about Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria and ADHD
• When PTSD feels like ADHD • a comparison between the symptoms of PTSD and common ADHD traits
• Suggestions for replacing ableist words

Comments:

• "Welcome to the neurodivergent club - we're glad you could finally make it!"
      Also comments regarding autism co-occuring with OCD ^
• All the things I wish someone had told me when I started on stimulant meds
• Tolerance to ADHD meds
• A barebones/scrappy comment on autistic burnout and catatonia
• CW! Child abuse and masking autism: Similarities, co-occurrence, and support networks
• Allistic ritual for beginning interactions in social places
• Recommendations for messaging
• Replies to "What is ADHD medication supposed to feel like"
• Forming relationships
• I don't know how to name this
• Sleep hygiene/Sensory diet (stims)
• Organising your ADHD life
• "General advice for note taking and task management in a system that I've developed"
• Misophonia
• Moving out as an autist

If anybody has better summaries for the comments, do post them.

"I'm pretty sure I have the chronic procrastination disorder but I don't know why I've spent so much time procrastinating about seeking a diagnosis for it."

I feel obligated by my username to mention that Frantz Fanon was influential on the Palestinian liberation movements. The Wretched of the Earth is his most important work in this regard.

I'd strongly recommend giving that book a read.

Idk if this is common it happens to me a lot.

Timing the start of something is not a simple process. Punishing people for being late disproportionately impacts poor and disabled people. Not all of us can drive a car or even have a car to drive. We might have to wait on other people, or use public transportation, and the more steps we add to the process the more likely something is to go wrong. Punishing people for being late is systematic oppression towards these groups. This punishment can include starting without people, especially if that itself is framed as a punishment.

“Let the late ones be late and miss out (they can read the minutes), and reward the prompt ones by not wasting their time”

From the rusty's rules of order, something the IWW uses to organize. They are ableist.

On the other hand, waiting too long to start can impact people with limited time or energy. Not everyone can stay awake an extra hour just to wait for something to start.

This means that there is not one singular solution for how to start things (although obviously don’t do punishment). In small groups the best solution is to talk things over with everyone and get an idea for what everyone wants to happen, what can go wrong, and plans to mitigate any potential issues. If public transportation is running late, maybe someone with a car can go pick you up.

For large groups, most things do not need a strict starting time. If it is a large group and it requires strict attendance then you brought hierarchy into it long ago and ableism and such was always the conclusion you were going to get anyways.

I've never had, like, permanent psychosis, and psychedelics/weed/"normal" drugs have never triggered it.

However, I have had it a few experiences, mostly down to stimulant binges. It usually starts off pretty innocuous, I just get a little jumpy at little things. Then gradually I start to get jumpy at things that aren't really there, mostly just things in the corner of my eye, some ghost sensations as well. I haven't ever gotten any full on visual hallucinations with this, and the tactile sensations don't feel too much like something crawling under my skin.

At it's peak, the big thing is auditory hallucinations. I hear people whispering behind doors, I hear music playing where there is none. It all sounds so real, and while I can make a little bit of differentiation, I can't really. I can usually tell when distinct voices are just a product of my imagination, but whispering is practically impossible. Even worse is the sounds that aren't human. Once, I was hearing the sounds that a computer program I have would make. I went and checked each and every single device with speaker that I owned, and it wasn't coming from any of them. And yet, I could still hear it. Very eerie. Tapping on my window, cars driving by that shouldn't be, bells and pops that don't exist. Another thing that I really don't like is the hallucinated gunshots, and what makes it worse is that once they were real, not imagined. I'm don't touch any weapons (not just firearms, but pepper spray or dangerous objects) when I'm high, much less when I'm like that, so it puts me in a bit of an unpleasant state of mind. Imagined gunshots are usually far off though, so it's not too much of a worry.

All in all, while interesting, it's an unpleasant experience. It's not really similar to psychedelic hallucinations (I've had some pretty powerful auditory hallucinations with those too, but it's really not the same). It's like a fever dream, but with none of the pleasant aspects. Getting psychosis from low doses of a deliriant would probably be more enjoyable, because then you don't have all of the other unpleasantness associated with staying up too long.

I definitely take effort to avoid it now, but earlier on my "usage" was a lot harder to manage, and it happened more often. I know my limits, and when to dose (even if I don't always follow my knowledge). Also, even just low level tolerance helps, because then the high doesn't last "forever". Sleep also gets a lot easier with tolerance and experience (experience matters, even after a relatively long T-break I keep my sleep skills). Being able to sleep just fine after two (very generously) to four hours after an oral dose of meth (oral ROA is the longest lasting, also I currently generally avoid other ROA's, as they are less safe) isn't unusual.

It's not something I would recommend, at all, but honestly I'm glad I tried it at least once (more than once is too much, though). It gives me a lot of sympathy for people that have similar symptoms more long term, in a way no art or description could (not that I wasn't sympathetic before, but I was basically walking in their shoes). Sorta like the inspirational moments a psychedelic experience can bring, but different, weirder, and perhaps more meaningful.

So, yeah. I'm not in psychosis right now, I just felt like sharing some clear neurodiverse connections to some of my SUD.

Substance User Disorder (drug addiction, basically) is in the DSM. It has "atypical patterns of thought or behavior". So talking about it fits here, right? What should go in c/drugs and what should go here?

Anyways, I'm making this post in part because I've been taking longer breaks from meth. Four days between the last time I used and now (I am currently high, it definitely potentiates my posting powers). Maybe I'll actually commit next break. Oh yeah, and tapering benzos is going quite well. It's been 7 weeks, and I'm down to close to a third of my original dosage. The taper schedules I've seen seem to show I should wait a while before lowering my dosage again. SMART and such have been great in terms of motivation, but a lot of the details have been DIY. Getting my GP or an actual doctor involved would be cool, but is also probably a terrible idea in practice (and I've been doing fine so far).

idk, I just don't see much posting about it here, but then again it's really only a handful of Hexbears that post about it in general. also, just posting for the heck of posting.

I've always struggled with math my entire life. It's so bad that if I can't count it out on my fingers I need a calculator. In school I was in special classes for it along with reading (not quite sure why I was in reading classes when I can read just fine, although sometimes words seem to run together, not like seeing them backwards like dyslexia though) and in those classes I still struggled. The highest math classes I took in school was algebra which I had to pass to graduate.

Anyway it's something I feel a lot of shame over, even if it's not my fault my brain is weird, it still does a number on my self-esteem when a child can calculate numbers better than me.

Worth noting I also have depression, GAD and OCD.

WHERE TO GET THE BOOK: http://libgen.is/book/index.php?md5=F6B31A8DAFD6BD39A5986833E66293E6

MASTER THREAD

PRIOR THREADS:

• Introduction
• Chapter One
• Chapter Two
• Chapter Three
• Chapter Four
• Chapter Five

So uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh yeah been a minute lol

Life comes at you fast. Been going through a lot lately. Met my new nb girlfriend and got into my first relationship at 38 years old , then we went to the ren faire together dressed as an orc and a goblin (me and her respectively given our over a foot of height difference) then work absolutely beat the shit out of me when I was on the clock for about a month solid, and the free time I did have I preferred to spend cuddling and watching anime with the gf instead of impressing a bunch of weirdo communists on the Internet. I know, I've failed you all

Anyways, in part six, Dr. Price talks about building an autistic life, meaning starting to build a life that centers around your sensory needs and the things that give you joy and meaning. He begins the introduction with the tale of an influencer who found great success chasing trends but eventually starting having panic attacks and shutdowns from the social pressure. She got diagnosed, began questioning her sexuality, changed her whole image, lost tons of followers as a result, but is now happier than ever. A little parable for the chapter.

He explores the concept of divergent design, that is building living and work spaces around the sensory requirements of the neurodivergent. Making self-care tools like earplugs, sunglasses, and fidget toys available, keeping walls clear of clutter and distracting colors and designs -- or, alternatively, embracing such designs for sensory-seeking ND folks. Focusing on things like specific textures to include or avoid like the plague, lighting options, white noise or sound-dampening surfaces, etc.

Reimagining success and time is the next section Dr. Price elaborates on, focusing on things like re-examining productivity, the old ADHD pattern of getting everything done in one massive burst and then requiring a long time to recover, foregoing niceties allowing people to actually get shit done, and the benefits of self-employment. Abandoning neurotypical frameworks of success and timekeeping where possible and focusing on a longer view of things, cycling back to old projects, analyzing your improvement over several years, etc. can improve your motivation. As can slowing down in general.

Finally, Dr. Price goes into the benefits of doing things your own way, abandoning the "normal" way of doing shit just because it's what NTs expect and doing what works for you. Anyone who's ND knows exactly what I'm talking about. He uses the example of someone setting up mirrors at the exit doors of the kitchen and wearing a special apron for kitchen cleaning tasks as visual reminders to stay on task. Looking ahead at restaurants on Google Maps and looking over the menu in detail long before we arrive like the little weirdos we are. Take to it. Do it without shame. Be radically visible, as Dr. Price puts it. Studies show people are more amenable to autistics when they know they're autistic before interacting with them. Quit hiding it (if it's safe to, of course) and let your colors show. You'll be happier just by virtue of freeing up brain processing power.

Discussion questions below. Tag post to follow.

• Any passages that stuck out to you? Super relatable? Hard to understand?
• Are there any ways in your life that you've embraced your neurodiversity to your benefit? Any insights to share?
• Anything that confused you or felt was not elaborated enough upon?

what mask are you wearing all day?

bonus points if you'd like to disclose who you are underneath it, so we can admire and adore the real you ❤️

and if you don't know who you are under your mask, we will support and encourage your discovery process, should you choose to undertake it ❤️

Please I want to stop pretending to be a youtuber while I talk out loud to myself about the subject while I lie away or get stuck in the bathroom doing it in front of the mirror in a hyperfocused way while I forget to eat and drink water.

This isn't directed at anyone here, I've just been hitting my head against a wall of willful ignorance and lateral ableism elsewhere and it's frustrating as hell.

Nonverbal isn't even the preferred term as it's a misnomer and it denies the fact that most non-speaking individuals have words, it's just about not having the ability to speak those words.

The clinical term for a person who cannot speak temporarily due to circumstances like being overstimulated or due to being anxious is selective mutism. You might hate the term and you're well within your rights to. I don't like it at all personally and I think that verbal shutdown is a better term. But that's a battle for the people like me, who experience verbal shutdowns, to wage in mainstream discourse.

What isn't okay is colonising the term "nonverbal" as this causes major problems for the non-speaking community because it promotes the false notion that nonverbal people can speak but they just aren't able to in particular moments. This makes accessibility much harder and it makes advocating for accommodations far harder as people in the community without disability will develop a fundamentally incorrect understanding of the needs of non-speaking individuals.

As an analogy, imagine if the accommodations for wheelchair users was based purely around the needs of people who aren't permanent wheelchair users and so the expectation becomes that things like toilet stalls, steps, and small amounts of walking are manageable for all wheelchair users without any adaptations or alternatives so therefore all of the accommodations of wheelchair users are only suitable for people who use wheelchairs part-time and who are capable of some amount of walking at any given moment - this would be extremely harmful to accessibility and to the wheelchair using community. In a similar sense, a person who experiences selective mutism and refers to it as "going nonverbal" can directly impact accessibility and accommodations negatively as it advances the concept that a non-speaking person just needs a little bit of time or a less overwhelming environment to speak rather than requiring the use of sign language or AAC.

The higher needs autistic community has been trying very hard to get people to understand why it's important to avoid the use of the term nonverbal/non-speaking except where it's accurate to do so but, unfortunately, the higher needs autistic community gets routinely overlooked and ignored.

I've just been trying to tell some people that they are misusing the term nonverbal, gently but firmly at first, and instead of taking this as a cue to do the basic research or to listen to leaders in the disability advocacy community who talk about being non-speaking and all of the issues around it, instead they are just digging their heels in and refusing to listen or even to just go and spend two minutes on the Wikipedia entry for selective mutism because they feel like their honour is at stake and that they must defend their claim over the use of the term nonverbal against all who threaten it.

Online discourse often frustrates the hell out of me. I'm polite and respectful unless someone is being intentionally disrespectful so it's not like I'm just yelling "You're wrong and stupid and evil!!" at a random person online but some people just refuse accountability and self-crit, and I lose patience with this because no amount of explaining the fact, quoting relevant information, or describing the negative consequences for others due to these actions is sufficient because some people's top priority is their ego and they just want to be free from genuine, good-faith constructive feedback.

Anyway, rant over.

Just try to keep in mind that the terms nonverbal and nonspeaking are intentionally specific out of necessity and try to remember to use a term like selective mutism or verbal shutdown when you're describing the intermittent phenomenon of losing your ability to articulate your words. It would mean a lot to me if you do and I know it means even more to the non-speaking community – this is one small way to act in solidarity with the disability community.

I don't like being referred to as a "person with autism". I can't just set it down, it's not something I can remove. It is fundamental to the way I interact with the world, right down to how stim enters my brain. If my brain has types of inputs no allistic person can even approach, and methods of processing inherently different, it is an existence no allistic person can reach. There is no version of me that is not autistic.

A "cure" is the same as shooting me and replacing me with someone else.

The type of person I am is autistic. I am autistic.

I know it is a big trend in leftist spaces to use person first language, but in many situations that just sounds like eugenics to me. Personhood is not some distinct universal experience. There is no “ideal human mind” floating out there in the aether for them to recognize in me.

I get that person first language helps some people recognize that thoughts happen behind my eyes, but if the only way they can do that is by imagining I’m them, I don’t care.

Started a half dose yesterday per my docs orders, upping to full dose after a week.

Damn i feel like it knocks me out of commission. I slammed 2 energy drinks this morning and have brain fog like a mother fucker. It's like im high, got that wet blanket feeling in my brain, but without the fun stuff.

I'm so small and useless.

How the fuck am I supposed to survive this crazy world?

Sorry i just idk where to post this.

My nono (grandpa) is dying. Only hours left now. Only just found out he was even in this state while visiting my sister for the first time in awhile. Had his wife give him a final message. Having a rough time.

Called my dad (not my nono's son) and he helped me with it but. Feeling guilty for not reaching out more. Would have liked to see him more over the years. He came into my life late because my mom didnt talk to him until i was in highschool. But he was very good to me. Got to see him one more time at my sisters wedding a few years ago at least. Plus his wife sent him my love one last time.

But loss is hard. And looking forward and not woulda coulda shouldaing is hard.

Had a good cry in the shower though. Cathartic. I dont cry much.

It feels weird to say but I hate them. I don't know if I Would describe them as painful, but they're definitely uncomfortable. It does not feel right in my chest or my throat. And I hate how irregular the rate at which I inhale/exhale air is when I try to do it slowly. And I can't breathe in/out for as long as I've been instructed to. Ok when I write all that out it kind of sounds like I have a medical problem. But to my knowledge my breathing is fine I passed the test with that thing doctors wear around their neck the stegosaur or whatevr

The reason I ask is because I'm autistic, but I wasn't diagnosed until I was 18 so I never received any kind of assistance growing up. And every time I've used an NMDA antagonist drug, I've experienced amazing relief from all of my sensory issues.

I've never tried Ketamine, but I have used DXM and Nitrous Oxide, both of which are also NMDA antagonists. It's like they partially sever the connection between the mind and the body. Nitrous Oxide isn't very useful for this because it only lasts a couple minutes before you need to redose, but even on lowish doses of DXM I feel totally unencumbered.

My sensory issues tend to take up a lot of cognitive load when I'm out in public and interacting with strangers, resulting in social anxiety. My whole life I've been too focused on the feeling of wanting to crawl out of my own skin too much to put any effort into being social, making friends, or having fun.

But on NMDA antagonists that all just goes away and I finally feel free and clear headed in a way I had never imagined possible. They literally just make me feel free to be me. Has anyone else here experienced something similar? Is there any existing research on this?

So I am finally able to express insecurities about my body that I've held onto my whole life due to, you know, feeling like a singularly fucked up freak which unfortunately is a common experience for us autistics and neurodivergent folks. I've had some recent experiences that have me feeling pretty down about my body and I guess I want to write it down and get some validation from others that may share some of these experiences or have some guidance or information to understand myself better. Unfortunately, some of these "quirks" lead to some serious social avoidance behaviors and anxiety because I feel like I have no control over when my body seems to decide to just stop working properly. I just want to understand better why I, for example, can seemingly randomly lose my coordination and take an embarrassing tumble or knock over and break things; why I can overheat and start sweating profusely so easily; why my reflexes can be so reactive and I get jumpy or overreact, like having a gag reflex that can cause me to puke or spit up over nothing; why I can sometimes be very sensitive to pain or not feel it all; why I have IBS and other stomach issues that don't seem to correlate to any particular food or activity; why I have nerve pain in my legs and restless legs; why I can sometimes feel the constant urge to go to the bathroom or have embarrassing episodes of sexual dysfunction. I hope this post doesn't come across too much like a "woe is me" thing, just trying to understand myself better so I can stop feeling so insecure about something I can't control. How much of this is related to general executive dysfunction that is a hallmark of autism and ADHD? Does anyone else have similar experiences? Is it possible some of this is completely unrelated to neurodivergence? Do others also feel this way about their body?

And it’s hitting as hard as it probably could right now. Does anyone else wish they could just live life in a vacuum, their decisions completely unperceived