She's a full foot shorter than me and she dresses punk and kinda masc and emo, has a pink mohawk she's growing out into a deathhawk, she's a huge weeb and nerd and we're into a lot of the same stuff, she makes her own cider and leathercraft and even blacksmiths sometimes.

Spent the night at her house after work Monday night, then spent the entire day with her. Cooked breakfast for us, then we took her dog out to a park so her mom could see pilates clients, then met one of her friends for drinks and some card games while we finished watching Scott Pilgrim Takes Off, then went to bed together one last time before I had to leave at midnight. All told we spent over 24 hours together and it was great and I'm super happy and I feel like she was the exact type of person I was looking for.

So it is worth it to go out there and use the stupid apps and try to date people because you might get lucky and find someone great. It can happen

you too can go from to

I violated my oath and I've failed you all

More pure fire flowing from the mouth and fingers of Jesse Welles

This one slaps pretty fucking hard ngl

The rent is too damn high, can't have shit in California

They're gonna bury me with my badge

It's a Commodore 64-styled game that's very much Ultima meets HP Lovecraft (the horrors from outer space part, not the racism part)

The ending was, uh, not what it sets you up to expect. It was rather shocking, and felt appropriately Lovecraftian. Either way, it's got me itching for more of this stuff, and I might look into playing Ultima 7, assuming there's a decent modernization of it out there. This game left me wanting more. Which I guess is a good endorsement.

So therefore this misery I'm feeling which took about a day and a half to set back in after getting back to work is just my normal, my every day, which is deeply fucked up and very typical of my entire life and I'm so tired of always feeling miserable and moving forward despite endlessly broken promises of a better life just around the corner

I feel like I am crumbling and falling apart every day and am tired of putting myself back together so lately I guess I'm just... not doing that anymore. I've been crying a lot every day for the past few days, due in part to the fact that I have this dental emergency to think about, partially because of the 20,000 dollars my grandma left me last year I have $950 left, wiped out in equal measure by medical costs, car repairs, weed, overspending on food, and some vacations I could have saved up better for.

I turned 38 a few weeks ago. I've never left home, never had a degree, never had a girlfriend, never had more friends than I could count on one hand. I have no social life and I feel like I have no future, and have never been in control of my life. I feel at times like I'm carrying out a prison sentence for a crime I have no memory of committing, like this life is a punishment for something horrible I did in a prior life, a karmic experience of near-total isolation and failure and unending pain and disappointment, with hope only ever being a cruel lie that's yanked from my grasp every time I come close to it.

I really just don't know what to do anymore and kind of want to just sit here where I am and slowly crumble into dust. I'm so tired.