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Shave it all off
I'm bald
I do go to get my beard trimmed occasionally though, I just describe what I'm looking for- I like the length, just kind of square it up a bit and make it look neat, and fade in my sideburns.
It helps that I do a decent enough job of keeping it trimmed on my own, I just go in a handful of times a year before weddings and other fancy events when I need to look particularly nice