Are you going to the USA?
Why would you do that with the current situation?
You can literally die another day, if you're gonna kill yourself then why not do what you want to do and see what tomorrow has to offer. I know I've been there!
I don't envy you for being where you are it sounds shit but walk away.. if you're gonna kill yourself anyway, just walk away.
Easier said than done I know but meh killing yourself leaves no options!