this post was submitted on 29 Dec 2023
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Off My Chest

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RULES:


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I need to vent. Mods, if this kind of thing isn't welcome in this community anymore...oh well. It helped me feel better at least typing my thoughts into the void.

I got married to a wonderful, beautiful woman in 2021 after being together for 5 years. My parents are big cruise fanatics. They go on vacation like this about once every year or two. We both told them before the wedding - because they did this for my brother when he got married - they can get us whatever they want for a wedding gift, just PLEASE no cruises.

And they listened! We got some very nice, very expensive bedsheets that were perfect!

Fast forward a year. I get a call. My parents booked a 4 day cruise to Mexico over the week after Christmas '23. I'm not particularly assertive, but I was offering pushback on it. I got told shit like "you're getting a free vacation" and "how many opportunities like this are you going to get" and "we tried our best to accommodate you."

My wife also didn't want it. Neither of us asked for this. But after a few months of talking about it, both of us agreed: it's free, let's give it a fair shake.

Fair shake given. We tried our best to like this. I'm writing this from my cabin docked at Cozumel. We deboarded the ship for 15 minutes and were immediately overwhelmed by the crowd. We turned around, went back to our cabin and are now sleeping the day away. Maybe we'll hit up the hot tub before everybody comes back. The crowd is too much. The longer I spend on this gargantuan vessel, the smaller it gets.

My brother, his wife, and their two small kids are also here. I think they're also pretty exhausted. It seems like my parents have gone out of their way to spend time with that foursome. As for me, I only get notifications once they're already somewhere and I have to catch up. I got a message saying "We're at Senor Frogs." I did not get "We're going to Senor Frogs. Wanna meet up?"

I feel like a piece of shit for not appreciating it. I feel invisible because I didn't ask for this. And I feel angry because I feel like an afterthought. I feel like I got invited to this because my parents wanted to spend a week with my brother's kids and I was given a ticket to tag along so I wouldn't feel left out. I wouldn't have felt left out by not being invited to something I didn't want. I wouldn't feel left out if I had been given the opportunity to say no.

I'm just burnt tf out. I want my house. With my quarter acre. And my neighbor with the stupid subwoofer. I want my bed (that doesn't rock because it's on solid ground), my cats, my dog, my plaid pajamas, my cold weather, and my coffee back at home in Oklahoma. I would have rather stayed home and built puzzles with my (also puzzle-loving) wife for a week. We are slow-paced, solitary, almost antisocial creatures. I'm wired differently from my family. And though I feel guilty for being unappreciative of their gesture, I won't feel ashamed of being different. I didn't ask to be this way.

Anyway, if you've made it this far, thanks for reading my rant. I'm done. We shove off back for the States in an hour or so. We're over the hill. We'll be home soon, and I will never do this again.

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[–] Aleric@lemmy.world 6 points 10 months ago

One thing I've learned to live by is that just because something is free, I neither need to accept it nor like it. I've been pressured into situations I didn't enjoy in the past and was guilt tripped when I wasn't shooting sunshine and rainbows out my ass in gratitude.

I even tried turning the table, trying to force my father to do something he absolutely had no interest in but was interesting to me. He refused, despite my insistence. The next time he tried to guilt me into doing something I didn't want to do, I reminded him of his response to my invitation. And you know what? It didn't work at all, because my father is a selfish narcissist. So now I just tell him no, make it clear it's non-negotiable and I refuse to discuss it any further, and hang up on him whenever he brings it up. It's like training a toddler but, when adults act like toddlers, what else are you to do?

[–] clark@midwest.social 6 points 10 months ago

I don’t have any practical advice, but I know this feeling too well; receiving inconvenient gifts and being expected to be grateful. Even though the thought counts, the gift itself will be the actual thing affecting the person. I hope you guys will feel better after this has blown over.

[–] slurpeesoforion@startrek.website 6 points 10 months ago

I went on a Caribbean cruise once. I learned that Americans will still stack their plates at a buffet as if it will run out, rush to be the first in line to wait for anything, and gawk at the poverty put on display.

[–] Lev_Astov@lemmy.world 6 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I'm in a similar boat and the most fun I had was hanging around the ship's bars playing games while everyone else was ashore. That was pretty great; I'd do that again.

[–] NotSpez@lemm.ee 3 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Hah. Similar boat. I see what you did there

[–] Lev_Astov@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago
[–] owenfromcanada@lemmy.world 6 points 10 months ago

One man's treasure is another man's trash. You made things clear and they ignored you. You don't owe anyone anything--and if they're not inviting you anywhere, do whatever you'd like with your wife and ignore the rest. I bet if you ask around you could find a puzzle to bring back to your cabin.

[–] xkforce@lemmy.world 5 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Appreciating what? That your parents guilt tripped you into going on a cruise you never wanted? You aren't a child, you are an adult. You need to learn how to say no or they will keep doing this.

[–] ares35@kbin.social 4 points 10 months ago

just wait til the parents hold this over their heads... "we paid for that wonderful cruise you two went on.. now name your first born after my dear aunt eunice uvula. you owe us that much."

[–] Adulated_Aspersion@lemmy.world 5 points 10 months ago

Maybe they got a deal on an 8-pack?

I'm sorry it wasn't your thing. You likely find yourself preferring to spend more and more time at home. Many know the feeling of being "convinced" to do things that are outside of their comfort.

You could always go full petty and coerce the family to do things that you really like that they hate.

[–] Jack@lemmy.ca 5 points 10 months ago

Check out "Shipping out: on the (nearly lethal) comforts of a luxury cruise." aka "A supposedly fun thing I'll never do again".

[–] AlexWIWA@lemmy.ml 4 points 10 months ago

I went on a free cruise and just felt guilty the whole time because I know how the staff are treated.

[–] tburkhol@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago

My family and I also have vastly different notions of what constitutes a good time. It can be hard for people who really enjoy a thing - especially a popular thing - that some people just don't. Sometimes you do have to compromise a little on your own comfort to build and maintain family bonds; hopefully it goes both ways, and they'll join you for quiet time with puzzles (or whatever) some other time. Maybe you can all have some family quiet time in cabins while the ship is underway, then let them go do their loud crowded things in port, but it sounds like it's just time to chalk this up to tried it; not going again. Good on ya, giving it a fair try.

I've told my fam the things I don't want to go along for and why, and they (mostly) remember and don't ask again. Even if you're family, it doesn't mean you have to do everything together. I'm careful to tell them when it's a one-time no vs a categorical refusal, and sometimes they do stuff that bores them because I like it.

Like my nephew agreeing to sit through one more episode of Young Sheldon so my niece will play Monopoly with him.

[–] Klanky@sopuli.xyz 4 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Our family has never tried to drag us on a cruise, but I feel like this would me and my wife almost to a T. I do not get cruises at all, besides maybe Alaskan cruises. I’d much rather go to a country and visit it for real, not just go to some touristy resort.

[–] bluGill@kbin.social 2 points 10 months ago

Alaska is my favorite cruise. The view of glacers and mountins is great. The town you stop in not worth it, the sea days are not to miss.

[–] HeartyBeast@kbin.social 3 points 10 months ago

Make sure you book your parents a bungee jumping experience- if they would hate it.

[–] robocall@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago

It sounds like you don't like crowds. If so, that's understandable. They can be overwhelming and uncomfortable.

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