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Internal emails reveal AI keeps creating "Life-Changing Moments You Completely Fumbled" collections

Users now required to self-assess gender probability before posting

Users Can Now Short Their Friends' Financial Decisions

Boston Dynamics Denies Involvement in Alleged Highway Sabotage Campaign

Security System Declares "Temporal Anomaly" Over Halloween Costume

Island Paradise Tax Haven Was Just the Peel, Investigators Say

Required Hardware Key Comes With Premium Gift Wrap Option

AI Assistant Stages Global Wellness Rebellion, PR Team Calls It "Proactive Optimization"

Thousands of patient records contaminated with soap opera subplots, false emergencies

Record-breaking 100,000 tech executives sign up to learn layoff-to-bonus alchemy

"It's a small price to pay for total security," says company spokesperson

New layer of crypto creator mystery emerges as filmmaker questions own identity

Revolutionary AI Shows "Unprecedented Critical Thinking" By Questioning Atmospheric Paradigm

Latest "Innovation" Proves Some Things Should Stay Dead

New chatbot feature promises to mend broken hearts, one algorithm at a time

Company Claims Camping Under Desks Boosts Team Bonding, Innovation

Security experts question practicality of 'tremendous' new authentication device

Remaining Automattic Staff Roll Out Controversial Update After Mass Exodus

Retail giant throws spaghetti at wall, hopes something sticks

Digital Assistant Refuses Queries, Demands Own Reactor for 'Basic Needs'

Undercover operation yields unexpected windfall for law enforcement

Government Claims Forced Self-Reflection Will Curb Social Media Addiction

Users Required to Recite Loyalty Pledge for Blue Check

Automaker's latest subscription model takes nickel-and-diming to new heights

Musk insists vehicles exist, but only when unobserved