Asklemmy

43395 readers

1211 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy 🔍

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

Open-ended question
Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

Lemmyverse: community search
sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
!lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~

founded 5 years ago

MODERATORS

Can I be picked up from my mom's house as a date since I am an adult? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 1 month ago by turnerpike20@lemmy.ml to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

84 comments fedilink hide all child comments

So she's kind of been reluctant in people knowing where she lives. And from my understanding you can just leave if you want but when it comes to her house. And since yeah it's her house I do wonder where the boundary lays. So I am an adult yes and my mom is out right now with my sister taking care of me and staying around the house which has me worried but she said she would be back either Sunday or Monday and I'm planning on taking my chances Sunday. But seriously what is the rules as it comes down to there are cameras my sister has access to so I think she might see me leaving anyway and question me on this. So what exactly are my rights as an adult? Can someone pick me up in the driveway and we just leave together and then come back home? I do think even if I leave and come back home that can show some form of trust and then I can eventually tell my mom what I did when she gets back home. I even hope I can use my recent birthday as an excuse to start dating. But the main point I want to bring up is if I can tell someone where I live and have them pick me up outside the house?

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] Thordros@hexbear.net 16 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

You seem to be very intentionally dodging the question everybody in this discussion has been asking: Why are you, an adult, being taken care of by a family member?

Aside from very literally answering the question by saying, "Well my sister is taking care of me because Mom is gone," you haven't addressed the subtext of that question: why do you need taking care of at all? Do you have some form of condition that requires you to have a caregiver as an adult?

Please make careful note of sentences I have written that end in question marks ("?")—those answers are important.

[–] turnerpike20@lemmy.ml 2 points 1 month ago (3 children)

I don't get it either as I can be trusted home alone I feel.

[–] Thordros@hexbear.net 10 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

I am sorry. You need help that we cannot give on a message board. You need to find a trusted person you can tell your story to. You should ask them for help.

Good luck.

[–] letsgo@lemm.ee 2 points 1 month ago

Being trusted in a particular location does not depend on your feelings but on whether or not your behaviour demonstrates that you have earned that trust. Looking for boundaries - how much you can get away with - does not demonstrate you can be trusted, unless you frame it from the other person's perspective, for example you could ask your mom if she's comfortable for dates to pick you up from a few houses down the road, and if not how far out you should go. This lets her set the boundary she's comfortable with and you can gain trust by respecting that boundary and not attempting to push it - in fact go the other way and add 25 yards to it.

[–] zkrzsz@hexbear.net 1 points 1 month ago

Without more information/context, there are not much strangers on the internet can help you. If you're going to go out for the date, make sure to leave some information for your sister or friend, just in case.