this post was submitted on 22 Aug 2024
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I just woke up but I'll have a response for you when I can.
Take your time, I completely understand this. Thanks in advance.
Apologies for the late response, I had a day.
For some context, some time ago I ended my first long-term relationship and the following months I was highly reactive, erratic, impulsive, and perpetual filled with anger. These bouts of rage seemingly came out of nowhere and got to the point where I didn't feel safe driving or socialising. After three or so months I decided to see a therapist - where a few months, they suggested I may be on the spectrum after discussing my patterns and troubles.
One of the most important takeaways I got was:
Everyone will react to different situations with different emotional responses. You can't control a reaction, especially an emotional one. It's the following behaviour that is under your control and should be questioned. E.g. It's perfectly valid for me to feel "anger" at perceived impractical behaviour but belittling them in response is probably not the best action.
Others tid bits I partially remember and be happy to expand on:
1.Stop, pause, and don't react 2.Take a step back, walkway, and take a deep breath 3. Observe, notice your surroundings and how you feel 4. Proceed mindfully
There's so much one could talk about (mindfulness exercises, understanding what you can control such as moving away from an environment or adjusting the environment to your needs, being able to say no and draw boundaries) that a therapist can cater to your need that's it might be worth an investment in to get a solid foundation and guidance if it's available.
Again, sorry for the late message but I'm happy to expand on each of these that seem applicable, especially when I'm in front of a PC rather than my phone. Here for you friend ✌️
Thank you. This is important, but I need to process it.
My situation is a little different, but it’s similar to the end of a long-term relationship, and I went through nearly all of what you’ve described. A few months have passed, and I feel like I’m nearing the end of whatever this is. I also reacted strongly to something insignificant, like a basketball, before I realized I needed to address it. If it’s not too personal, could you give an example of what you mean by signs of being in hypoarousal and hyperarousal? I’ve noticed situations where I’ll freeze up if I feel judged, and I’ve also caught myself stimming (rocking side to side in my chair when I’m overstimulated or stressed). I haven't been officially diagnosed yet, but I no longer have any doubts that I'm on the spectrum.
Don’t apologize, I do the exact same thing, and I knew you didn’t want to reply unless it was high-quality. What you posted was perfect. Thank you.
Thanks for understanding, it's a lot to deal with and it's great your reaching out.
Understanding what over and understimulates helps identify triggers, especially since emotions can be quite intense. There's a few ways to regulate and it's all about finding what works for you.
If you can find it, the stuff my therapist and I referenced are in a book called The Neurodivergent Friendly Workbook of DBT Skills by Sonny Jane Wise (2022), specifically Section 3 and Section 5. Hopefully a pdf is available somewhere but I don't have time tonight sadly.
A pdf is available on libgen ^^
I actually found that book and managed to download a copy. I’ll start reading it tomorrow.
I’ve definitely noticed times when I’ve been in each of these states. I’ll give breaking things down into “Thoughts, Feelings, Behavior” a try too.
Thanks again for all the advice and information, it’s been really helpful!