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How can I improve my communication with a friend I like? (mander.xyz)

submitted 2 months ago by Mothra@mander.xyz to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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There is this guy I like, I have reason to think he may like me too but we're both playing dumb, or maybe I'm just imagining it all.

Yes, that's how immature I am. Now please help me.

We've known each other for years and we seem to get close to each other, then we take distance, then close again, repeat, repeat, repeat.

I'm terrified of losing him as a friend for trying to be more than just that. I've already lost people for showing my interest and I've also had to burn the bridge with guys who wouldn't give me space or kept hitting up on me repeatedly. This happens.

I would like to create a consistent, regular conversation going on. I'm afraid of overwhelming him so I don't even know what's a good frequency to reach out.

Personally the biggest challenge for me is finding ways to deepen our conversations. Things tend to stay pretty much on the surface most of the time, even though we can talk of almost any topic openly. Another barrier is our very different interests, we have almost no shared media in common (different music, different shows watched/liked, different videogames liked etc).

Usually when talking to other friends, conversations tend to naturally steer towards more meaningful topics. I don't know if I'm inadvertently holding myself back with him, or if finding meaningful topics has always been a thing started by the other person and I've never realized it.

So, any tips?

Have you got ways to deepen conversations?

Guys, have girls ever impressed you positively and how?

Thanks

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[–] Mothra@mander.xyz 2 points 2 months ago

Thanks. I don't know where I got my sources, possibly internet experts, some of my friends, my mother, other women I've met briefly.

I am a recluse practically, and we've been meeting just the two of us so there would be no toxic environment or anything. The one with stakes to lose is me, since we work in a similar industry (well atm I'm on retail but hopefully I can find a job doing what I like again) and word spreads fast. I already have two embarrassing experiences with people who are in the industry and it does NOT look helpful at all when applying for jobs. I'm always wondering if any of those guys is ever reviewing applications and if that has any impact on it.

But what you say is true though. I hate this so much