Negro Matapacos (“Cop-Killer Blackie”) was a famous stray dog from thestreets of Santiago who joined student protests across the city from 2010, and in particular during the 2011 movement for free education.
he was a stray dog from the streets of Santiago, and began joining student demonstrations in 2010. The following year, one of the biggest social movements since the fall of the military dictatorship began, fighting for free education and against neoliberal reforms to the education system.
Negro Matapacos was then seen regularly at every demonstration, defying tear gas and water cannons and always barking at or attacking only the riot police, and never any students or rioters. He subsequently continued to appear sporadically at future demonstrations, and hung out on university campuses, becoming beloved to student and radical movements as a symbol of resistance to violent authority.
His last days were spent resting with people who took him in, with a crowdfunded veterinarian.
Some people who knew him sent us some of their memories of him, telling us how he defied tear gas and water cannons, and only ever barked at or attacked police officers, and never students or rioters.
After his death, his legacy lives on in songs, street murals, an award-winning documentary and in the memories of all those who knew him. He was a good boy.
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I really need to structure my day or something, mental health stuff cw: depression, suicide thoughts
I was just kind of thinking of how much time is wasted doing nothing. like actually nothing. just sitting around. waiting for something. and in lots of ways I just hate it because like, I sometimes think of how like. I could be doing something or could be practicing or getting good at something. instead most of my day is just spent doing nothing besides other stuff like house work or dealing with my dad. maybe if its a better day, I'll do something besides house work. but otherwise it just spent being sad. and if not that, just spent not really being here mentality, just waiting to go back to sleepbut I sometimes can't help but think that in lots of ways, some things could be resolved just by doing something! anything really! but just doing something! yet I don't for some reason. I just feel tired a lot with hardly much energy. and if I do have some, it doesn't last forever. and if I really want to do something I really have to force myself that it just exhausting, too exhausting.
and in other ways it's also partially due to just wanting to die. especially when im in that kind of mindset at times, just wanting to die and for it all to come to an end. because why bother doing things in that kind of mindset when your ready to just "let it all go"? especially when that mindset becomes less passive and more active at times? vacillating.
at least when in that mindset I do find a way to work around it. as in like. "I might want to die, but I still need to do x, or y or z. because I'll probably still be here like always. and it's better to keep these things up instead of forgoing it and having more work to do. besides, don't want to worry anyone either! except no one would notice if I did stop bothering"
I don't know. It just sort of feels like a state of "paralysis" sometimes. but that does remind me of times where like. For example, like if I need to cook something or really need to do something simple like just getting up and going to bed. Instead of just getting up. I just end up maybe spending an hour or two telling myself to just get up as if my limbs don't want to move. Until I eventually do.
just I don't know. I'm just getting really sick of constantly being in this state of existence. Because it is soul killing in a few ways. I try not to like linger in the thoughts of like, how much time is wasted or like. how to word this. if I started doing something a few years ago, that I could be good at it now! Instead I try to think of what I could be doing if I started doing stuff now. and try to encourage myself. but even still, I still just have trouble bringing myself to do things.
also hopefully im not bothering anyone by constantly talking about suicide thoughts on here. I just don't know where to talk about them. And I don't trust therapists or psychiatrist to talk about this stuff. I don't want to be involuntary detained again, especially without health insurance.
you've just described my entire life. i take bupropion and it helps a bit with that feeling.