Toilet Paper USA

Explanation: Diocletian was a Roman Emperor of the late 3rd century and early 4th century AD who royally fucked the government he took over, and then promptly retired to a nice villa in the Balkans. When one of his co-emperors wrote to him begging him to come back and unfuck the mess he seeded, Diocletian responded "If you [the messenger] could show the cabbage that I planted with my own hands to your emperor, he definitely wouldn't dare suggest that I replace the peace and happiness of this place with the storms of a never-satisfied greed."