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I can't help but imagining you walking around with a shitty ass all the time. When you get poop on your hands do you just wipe it with a napkin and call it good or do you wash your hands?
Also the freestanding bidet seems to be the minority these days compared to those mounted on/in the toilet itself.
I wash my hands because I use my hands to manipulate objects, touch my face and prepare food. Perhaps you perform these tasks with your anus?
If I had a sphincter on my hand with shit inside it, which occasionally farted or shit came out, and washing it would never actually make it hygienic because it's not a hermetic seal and bacteria from the shit inside would always be on it anyway, then yeah I'd just wipe it with paper. And use the other hand
Sorry, I didn't realize that you had some prior medical issue that left you with nothing but a loose sphincter on your backside with no other tissue around it. Does it hang down like a tail? Now I understand why you do so little cleanup.