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I'm going out on what is kind of sort of a date but I don't know what I'm doing. Would appreciate some thoughts lol (lemmy.world)

submitted 1 day ago* (last edited 23 hours ago) by dingus@lemmy.world to c/general@lemmy.world

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Context: I'm in my early 30s. I've only been on a date like once in my life a decade ago and it was awkward and I hated it. The guy was nice but I didn't know what I was doing and then he wanted to kiss and I didn't (and still don't) know how to do that either and I found it unpleasant.

I do not have the capacity for attraction like 99% of the world does, so I figured it meant that I cannot date anyone since I am incompatible with the world. I have always been that way and it was very confusing growing up. It's ok for the most part but it can get a bit lonely.

I also have intense social anxiety. My only friends are online and one coworker.

Well I will be visiting with a stranger who I am closer on the same page with in terms of them not instantaneously expecting sex. But I am panicking a little bit still and still don't know what to do about the attractiveness thing. I've not done anything like this before.

We're going to a nature trail. Tbh I wish it was an environment where I could have a drink because that helps me relax, but it doens't really make sense in this context lol.

I guess I don't know what kind of responses I'm looking for but idk help lol

Thanks

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[–] Zachariah@lemmy.world 1 points 23 hours ago

Perhaps have a little chat with them about love languages (more accurately called appreciation languages) would help. Figure out together how each of you prefer to show and receive appreciation.

If physical affection of kissing isn’t your thing, do you like other physical affection? Or do you prefer quality time, gifts, etc.? Are you interested in providing them physical affection at some point down the line if that’s something that would make them feel appreciated? If not, let them know, so they can decide if that’s a deal breaker or if they’ll appreciate however you can show your affection.

This doesn’t have to be a serious talk. There are plenty of love languages quizzes out there, and those can be fun to do together to learn about someone (partner, friend, coworker, etc.).