this post was submitted on 17 Nov 2024
24 points (92.9% liked)

General Discussion

12067 readers
70 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy.World General!

This is a community for general discussion where you can get your bearings in the fediverse. Discuss topics & ask questions that don't seem to fit in any other community, or don't have an active community yet.

🪆 About Lemmy World

🧭 Finding CommunitiesFeel free to ask here or over in: !lemmy411@lemmy.ca!

Also keep an eye on:

For more involved tools to find communities to join: check out Lemmyverse!

💬 Additional Discussion Focused Communities:

Rules

Remember, Lemmy World rules also apply here.0. See: Rules for Users.

  1. No bigotry: including racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, or xenophobia.
  2. Be respectful. Everyone should feel welcome here.
  3. Be thoughtful and helpful: even with ‘silly’ questions. The world won’t be made better by dismissive comments to others on Lemmy.
  4. Link posts should include some context/opinion in the body text when the title is unaltered, or be titled to encourage discussion.
  5. Posts concerning other instances' activity/decisions are better suited to !fediverse@lemmy.world or !lemmydrama@lemmy.world communities.
  6. No Ads/Spamming.
  7. No NSFW content.

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
Jessica@lemmy.world
ElectroVagrant@lemmy.world
fubo@lemmy.world
24
I'm going out on what is kind of sort of a date but I don't know what I'm doing. Would appreciate some thoughts lol (lemmy.world)
submitted 1 day ago* (last edited 23 hours ago) by dingus@lemmy.world to c/general@lemmy.world
21 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

Context: I'm in my early 30s. I've only been on a date like once in my life a decade ago and it was awkward and I hated it. The guy was nice but I didn't know what I was doing and then he wanted to kiss and I didn't (and still don't) know how to do that either and I found it unpleasant.

I do not have the capacity for attraction like 99% of the world does, so I figured it meant that I cannot date anyone since I am incompatible with the world. I have always been that way and it was very confusing growing up. It's ok for the most part but it can get a bit lonely.

I also have intense social anxiety. My only friends are online and one coworker.

Well I will be visiting with a stranger who I am closer on the same page with in terms of them not instantaneously expecting sex. But I am panicking a little bit still and still don't know what to do about the attractiveness thing. I've not done anything like this before.

We're going to a nature trail. Tbh I wish it was an environment where I could have a drink because that helps me relax, but it doens't really make sense in this context lol.

I guess I don't know what kind of responses I'm looking for but idk help lol

Thanks

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] jubilationtcornpone@sh.itjust.works 5 points 21 hours ago

One of the cornerstones of a good "romantic" relationship is friendship. I personally don't believe a relationship can survive without it. My wife is many things to me, one of which is my best friend.

Building friendships is a process that takes time and can't be forced. So don't put too much pressure on one evening. Don't worry about where you're going to be with this person in a week or a month. You have no way of knowing that. Dates are just opportunities for you both to get to know each other, share experiences that you enjoy and just have fun in general.

Even "normal" people don't feel physical attraction constantly. My wife still loves me even when I'm not particularly sexy and vice versa. Besides, real beauty is more than skin deep.

You'll need to have an open, honest discussion about expectations if you ultimately want to keep seeing each other but that's a conversation for another day. This time, just try to relax and have fun.