this post was submitted on 17 Nov 2024
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I remember a friend of mine apparently got it when I was younger, when attempting to look into testing for it, I found most doctors don't even test men for it. With a high amount of men showing no symptoms, women get the unfair hit of such. Apparently a lot of people view it as "acne" down there and no big deal. I think that's shit, but it was eye opening seeing how much our medical field didn't care about it.
That said, to those who may not know, it is transferred via physical contact, so condoms will not guarantee it does not get contracted. As the condom protects the member, it does not protect your inner thighs and other areas.
I got lucky and never got it, but be safe out there.
Most doctors don't want to run full panel STD-tests anyway. I remember in the military I had to basically tell my doctor I slept with anything with a pulse for her to do anything beyond the basic STD panel (despite me not sleeping with anything with a pulse).
I had some bumps down under and had a doc look at them (after I got out of the military), and asked about an STD test, and she said they were skin tags, no test needed if I hadn't been with anyone lately. Alright, fair enough, and the skin tags eventually went away on their own.
Now for herpes specifically: there are two main types, Herpes 1 and Herpes 2. I don't remember which is which off the top of my head, but, they correspond to oral versus genital herpes. They're not the same virus, though similar. Something like 80% of American adults have oral herpes and most don't even know it. They're cold sores more or less on your lips, and they can remain dormant for the entire time someone is alive.
Genital herpes is the "acne" type, and same thing, they tend to come during flare ups that can be exacerbated by stress or other life circumstances. It is possible, but rare, for someone to contract oral herpes on their genitals, and vice versa, and you are correct that it only takes contact or a small open wound for the virus to be transferred.
Does having either form of herpes make you unlovable? No, while there's no cure, you just need to take precautions if you or a loved one has either form. Basically, do your best to avoid intimacy when you or your partner has a flare up, and if you still gotta get the deed done, consider mutual-masturbation or other sexual activities that don't require direct skin-to-skin contact. Condoms obviously help, but they don't protect against everything.
Thanks for the add-on, the woman who came up positive contracted it with her second partner. (Turns out the guy she got it from got it from their first partner, knew him for years prior to this).
That said, I entered a loving relationship with her after this all happened and we were together for ~3 years, and while she was worried at first I never cared, and I never even contracted it because we avoided direct physical contact of the area during flare-ups as you said.
It isn't something to have gut wrenching fear about like some do, but it is always best to be responsible and make sure any partners are aware prior.