this post was submitted on 02 Dec 2024
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white guy here.
I had a lady do that to me and my beard in college.
it was weird at the time but scratched a physical contact itch I had no idea I had. the interaction started a long lasting infatuation with black matriarchs.
my point is, it's fine to tell people no because it's a limit of yours, but some people get curious about things that are new(to them) and it shouldn't be held against them. who knows you might even like it.
The problem is volume. You had one interaction years ago. Black ladies get this sort of thing a lot more. I'm sure it gets exhausting.
This is only tangentially related to the point but when else am I going to get to share this story:
I'm a tall white dude with long, thick, slightly curly hair (when short it curls, when long the weight pulls it into waves), my entire life it's been expected of me to just let women touch my hair and go "god I wish I could have this" or similar
I had a few black girl friends (note the space) growing up and they saw that a few times and we bonded a bit on this hair shit, but they were actually shocked that people at least asked them whereas I'd get molested without asking
One day an older black woman did it in front of my friend Alex and she puts on her heaviest "I'm from the ghetto bitch" accent and yells "nigga why you not even ask to touch his hair? You're a sistah, you should know better!" And smacks her hand away from me
The look of shock on that woman's face and level of apology she gave me was the weirdest fucking thing I've ever experienced racially in my life. I got to see, just for a moment, what it looks like when white people realize theyre being super racist and want to undo it. It was awkward as fuck