this post was submitted on 18 Jan 2025
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[–] Ilovethebomb@lemm.ee 127 points 2 days ago (28 children)

There's a big problem with the "women message first" gimmick, and it's that they just don't.

If they don't simply let the match expire, you either get a shitty Gif, or something along the lines of "hey."

Maybe one in ten will actually send a message that genuinely starts a conversation.

That ratio was much higher for me. I'd say about 70% sent a message. Probably work on the profile, make it more interesting? If that is now really gone I'm not sure whether I ever install that App anymore, it was nice not having to come up with first messages with questionable outcome...

[–] nutsack@lemmy.world 122 points 2 days ago (4 children)

it would work better if it was "women swipe first'. men can look at and swipe the women who swiped them already. this solves two problems:

  1. women are not seen by anyone they don't want to be
  2. men don't need to spend hours swiping hundreds of women

please give me 1 million dollars

[–] echodot@feddit.uk 7 points 1 day ago

That's the premium feature in pretty much every dating app. You get to see who likes you but you have to pay the money to find out if anyone swiped on you at all.

They imply that lots of people swiped on you but you don't actually know until after you've given the money.

So basically your plan is to just remove the con part which I'm all in favor of.

[–] Nindelofocho@lemmy.world 13 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Facebook dating kinda has this where you get notified if someone likes you Ironically it works better than any other dating app. The whole swipe til you both match deal is just to keep people paying and using the app for longer

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[–] MothmanDelorian@lemmy.world 16 points 2 days ago (13 children)

This means men will see many fewer women on the platform in many cases.

[–] nutsack@lemmy.world 49 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (8 children)

it means men would not spend hours on the app, which means nobody would ever do this

[–] Ulrich@feddit.org 4 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Who wants men spending hours on the app and why? Most of these are subscription-based, not ad-supported.

[–] monotremata@lemmy.ca 2 points 1 day ago

Sure, but you've got to build that habit of checking the app. Gotta lure people back for more little hits of dopamine. The men aren't going to subscribe (or at least stay subscribed) if they aren't getting that illusion of lots of options for people to date.

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[–] john89@lemmy.ca 5 points 1 day ago

Maybe it's you guys, but I never really had this issue.

[–] Vanth@reddthat.com 42 points 2 days ago (1 children)

you either get a shitty Gif, or something along the lines of "hey."

So same result as when men message first.

[–] boonhet@lemm.ee 10 points 2 days ago (4 children)

Might just be my experience, but men put in more effort. Probably because women are more desirable so they don't really need to.

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[–] Deceptichum@quokk.au 129 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I literally saw so many profiles being like “I don’t message first”, like do you even understand what the app you’ve signed up for is?

[–] Ilovethebomb@lemm.ee 59 points 2 days ago

I always wondered if they realised we actually can't send the first message.

[–] kitnaht@lemmy.world 15 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Well, men CAN message first, as of like 8 months ago.

Great, so I can just use any other dating app now, and don't need Bumble anymore? What kind of genius move it is to kill the signature feature. But oh well the person responsible already left...

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[–] Ledivin@lemmy.world 11 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I loved bumble when I was on it 🤷‍♂️ much, much higher hit rate than any other app

[–] ifItWasUpToMe@lemmy.ca 4 points 2 days ago

I have by far more luck getting matches on tinder

[–] flamingo_pinyata@sopuli.xyz 8 points 2 days ago

Well cultural habits are slow to change. I suspect it would take some 20 years to change the dynamics such than women are always expected to make the first move.

Bumble was well positioned to push for that change, unfortunately earning revenue has a priority, they are are a business after all. Still their gimmick got the ball rolling, we'll see who picks it up next.

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