Thanks. That makes total sense. I'm pretty grossed out by most tropes so my tolerance for what's "just joking" is minimal. I believe I do what you suggest IRL. My 8 yr old son does too. There's a great Ted talk called feminism is a man's problem or something that reshaped my perspective many years ago - we have to use our privileges to upstand bc only haves can give power, have nots can't just manifest it. In any hierarchical dichotomy. I try to make space in work meetings and help people feel comfortable speaking and telling those with the privilege to be comfortable to stfu sometimes. I think the difficult part for some men (I know how those words sound together!) is reconciling wanting to help but not knowing how to ask whether it's welcome and they fear it'll be construed as offensive. Perhaps bc society allows boys will be boys, and they're never taught how to communicate boundaries.

[–] SarcasticCephalopod@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago

Thank you for making space in meetings. Thank you for all of it, but especially that.

It's difficult to have faith in your own voice when it's consistently drowned out - especially in those subtle ways it happens in meetings.

Early in my career, I worked with a man who would consistently refer back to a woman who had been interrupted. He always made it seem organic and I don't think most of the men even realized it was happening. But the women noticed the pattern. I know I'm not the only woman who learned to be more comfortable advocating for myself, thanks to him.

[–] flicker@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 2 days ago

Thanks for this. And for doing your best for us. And for helping keep your son out of that group.

I'll add that, as much as it sucks, there seems to be this thing where the kind of men who love attacking women, when confronted with a man saying to stop, will (in person, online it still happens but less so) completely back down. I think it's because (and I could be completely wrong but this is my theory) most of them are cowards.

Bullies love to attack those they believe are weak. Most of your run-of-the-mill sexist assholes believe all women are weaker than men.

It's such a shame because so many of the things that harm men are things that women's rights people also want to help with.