I am chuggin gin tonight (not an extended pattern of behavior to be clear) and honestly wtf. Everything is so cruel to the extent that it is almost rediculous.
So, I am a history student and tbh, the absurdity of modern class struggle is becoming fucking unreal to me. I genuinely cannot grasp how the bourgeois sleep at night. Like wtf. The human capacity for indifference is unfathomable. I am watching a video by coffeezilla where he covers the failure of a "bank", which is technically not a bank, that caused a bunch of people to lose 10s of millions of dollars collectively. Maybe being raised by labor aristocrats sheltered me from the inhumanity of capitalism and thats why this fucks me up so bad but one guy losts thousands of hours of his life to this shit. They're just fucking gone. How is this normal, how do most people accept this as their reality. I am honestly impressed by the docility of the working class in the imperial core. I think if I dropped a sumerian peasant into the modern United States they would immediately identify our society as fucked up beyond belief the moment they understood it.
idk where I expected to go with this post. shits just fucked up tbh and I cannot grasp why I see it and others don't. I have little material reason to do so, yet I do and so many others who have a material reason to realize this do not. I think I will smoke tonight and watch an ancient history documentary.
edit: tangentially related but finding you guys made me hopeful for the world, thank you for being sane
Yeah it’s been worse lately for sure, menty b’s used to be an annual/biannual thing but now are much more regular- for the same reasons others have mentioned- grief for a world in pain, grief for powerlessness, grief for seeing capital warp some and crush others. What’s helped? Idk. Been getting into philosophy/theology a bit and my takeaway has been, “existence is suffering, our purpose is to lessen that suffering for those around us in whatever way we can”. At its minimum that’s carrying a lighter or cash so I can share with someone who asks, and that’s led to lots of interesting conversations with people…and often hearing fun new ways how they’re being fed headlong into the woodchipper :/ BUT it’s reinforced my connection and commitment to exactly who we’re hoping to shape a better world for.
TLDR: life is an endless cycle of suffering, but as you have the capacity, you can be a port in the storm for others and thereby find solace in their camaraderie. It doesn’t fix the suffering, but it gives a small ember of hope.
Also therapy. Getting it out in one way or another helps too - ugly crying and a heavy bag has been a welcome addition, but I like journaling too. Thought I could outpace it with endurance running or endurance drinking, but neither my knees nor my stomach could keep up lol. So everything in moderation unfortunately. Also weed lol.