this post was submitted on 21 Apr 2025
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how do you deal with people who knew you pre-transition but don't recognize you? (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 2 months ago by dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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Someone at work that used to be my direct manager had a meeting with me to introduce themselves. They didn't recognize me at all and I didn't want to out myself by disclosing who I was, so I went along with it.

I don't like lying, and when they asked about my work history I was honest even though it created immediate suspicion (how could we have not worked together given when I started working and my job experience?), and I just shrugged. It's obviously a kind of deception to not out myself, and I don't like that - but my instincts say it's better in this context to not out myself.

Probably relevant to the context is that the boss is male, older, conservative, and an immigrant from a non-Western culture that is not open minded about these things.

I am pretty sure based on things they have said in the past that they wouldn't be tolerant of a trans person.

Anyway, to my trans elders: how have you handled situations like this?

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[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 14 points 2 months ago (3 children)

I don’t go to this school, but my appearance and name have changed considerably so my experience might be relevant. Mods, delete pls if I’m not helpful!

Whenever it happens to me, I’m objective about it. Do I want to know more about this person or vice versa? Which option makes my life more pleasant? Would there be fallout one way or the other? Choosing who to offer information to has made my life far easier.

If someone I never liked comes up to me and doesn’t remember me, I’m elated. They often enjoy my company because I’m smiling so hard at their future absence from my life.

[–] LadyAutumn@lemmy.blahaj.zone 10 points 2 months ago

You're good :) I agree with your advice as well. For trans people, there's a lot to consider, like whether they will be accepting of our transition. I live far away from where I lived pre transition so it doesn't come up a lot for me, but it's a measured decision whenever situations come up.

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