this post was submitted on 12 Jul 2025
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A Boring Dystopia
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oh, uh, sure? that's an odd thing to reply with when i never implied only having friends on Lemmy or online was healthy.. so.. alright. i do have friends in person, if we're going to talk about it. i just still find it rather difficult to make new connections.
Fair. The OP you were responding to was about how people cope with loneliness IRL with pseudo-real online interactions, and you responded with how it's difficult to find relationships in person.
I agree it's not necessarily related, but I the guy above was wildly afeild taking your statement as an excuse for why finding relational fulfillment online is an acceptable cope. It was kind of the topic at hand.
But, aside from that, I think making new connections is really just about going out there and doing it. I'm 33 and constantly meet new people, so it's definitely achievable in your 30's. Just go to things. Open up Eventbrite or whatever and find something going on that looks like fun, and then just go. There's a whole world of opportunities out there to meet new people.
look lol, i know. it seems that simple. i have significant mental health issues that complicate things. i wish i could just go. i also don't value the same people you may do, so finding people i truly get along with is not easy for me.
I know mental health issues complicate things, but that's something to work on, not an obstacle that can't be surmounted. I have tons of friends with mental health struggles of all kinds.
But you say that you don't value the same people I do, but what makes you think so?
As I say, I was at a local boardgame meetup this past weekend. Not exactly a "party" crowd. And to be clear, there's local meetups for everything under the sun. What do you value in people that you don't think you could find a social group for? What makes you think finding a group you would vibe with is particularly hard?
yes, but we are all unique, unfortunately. none of them are me with my specific problems. a big part of my struggle is socializing in general.
because i know the reception of the beliefs i hold and they are universally condemned
there aren't any groups that interest me in my area. i have looked on all the usual places.
I have friends with crippling social anxiety. It's a lot of work, and they have their ups and downs for sure. But it's something that they're working on in therapy and making strides on. It is possible to improve and for things to get better.
I mean, it's hard to say without knowing exactly what you're talking about, but universally condemned likely seems strong. But regardless, you said that you don't value the same people I do. Does that mean you can't value someone with different beliefs than you?
You say that there aren't any groups in your area that would interest you. What kind of group would interest you? What group, if you saw it was starting up in your area, would motivate you to go out and meet people?
oh sure, i don't deny that. i have experienced a lot of positive growth over the years and hope it continues. but i am not financially stable enough to pursue psychiatric and psychological treatment, so.. just kinda dealing with it the ways i can.
not necessarily. our differences cannot be significant. it does mean i am far more intolerant than most, though, but on a personal level.. not as an outward participant in society. i am pleasant to everyone i meet, but developing a friendship comes with baggage for me. i am less willing to talk to people with the goal of friendship in mind because i largely encounter folks who, frankly, i am better than. and that's pretty sad because i suck.
it is unlikely i would go because i am unable to attend events solo due to anxiety. if i don't know anyone i have no security blanket. i am not in the right headspace to tackle this issue at the moment.
Fair enough on all counts.
I would point out that if everyone only made friends with people better than them, no one would have any friends. It's important to pour into others as well as to get poured into. It's how we make the world better. And just because someone is "worse" than you doesn't mean they don't have value. And it doesn't mean there isn't something you could gain from having them as a friend. I've had friends who are "better" than me and "worse" than me make positive change in my life.
And I know you say you're not in a place to work on this, and I can respect that, but I would say that it's never a bad time to continue leaning forward in a positive direction. And if this is something that's negatively impacting your life, the sooner you work on it, the sooner you'll be less impacted by it. No time like the present and all that.
very true. however, it does make me less willing to be friends with them. we can be mutually kind and supportive, but i don’t want to know them on a personal level. also, it’s all a spectrum anyway. there are greys between each side, so it’s not like i’m looking for carbon copies of myself. but the radius of my tolerance is low, lol.
i try to lean forward, i do. i am, to my own chagrin, romantically optimistic about humanity. but it isn’t unrealistic. i ground myself by keeping up on sociological and political trends. shit is bad. shit is worse than bad. shit is worse than worse than bad. it’s all impacted how i see others and their role in the world.
It does sound like you've let doom scrolling negatively impact your life.
I won't argue things are bad, but the reality is that most people are generally decent.
Sure, there's a lot of dicks out there, but they're very much the minority. They are just overrepresented in the Lemmy echo chamber (and other online platforms too of course).
Obviously it's hard to say if you're being "too picky" as it were without knowing exactly what lines you're drawing, but it sounds like you might be projecting your negative expectations onto people as opposed to people actually not living up to those expectations.