this post was submitted on 24 Sep 2023
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I guess I count as the first generation in my family to reach the mean income, and am the first to have a “proper” office job.
One of the things that I think holds people back most is the lack of office job etiquette and general work skills you can pick up from your parents for these sorts of jobs. My mother is an extremely hard worker, but all her advice and ideas about how to go about work just don’t apply.
It wasn’t until I got into my first office job that I looked around at other people and saw how they went about their work that I started to understand how you can do well in these environments. And I feel like people with parents who were already in these sort of roles were far better equipped to hit the ground running, and were already pushed in the right direction from an early age.
As someone from a similar background as you, I think this matters, but it's not nearly as important as you believe. All it takes is a few days in the office to understand 80% of the required cultural norms. Most of them are plainly explained in the onboarding documentation.
The cultural delta between an international migrant and a local is FAR larger than between any classes. I know this from experience as I have lived in six countries now. In the case of these European countries, which are still relatively culturally homogenous, these cultural differences matter even less.
They study this, and certain behaviour (which can be taught) is important for career success. The good news is that these behaviours and values can and do transcend class and culture.
I think the differences we see in this research is related to structural economic and social policies. The Danish job market is excellent, for example, with lots of opportunities for people of all abilities, and high wages. They have a very strong economy. When coupled with free education for everyone, it means anyone in the bottom 10% can achieve median income quickly. Usually within one generation.
This is what I spent a lot of time unlearning from my upbringing though, and if I hadn’t done that I wouldn’t have gotten anywhere in a professional environment.
In all the wrong ways I was taught to raise hell if something wasn’t right, but at the same time to “stay in my lane” for other things.
It’s head down, work hard, but don’t being looking up at opportunities or looking to make moves to get further. I was actively told to not go to university even when it was possible, and in a way I feel this held me back.
At the same time, if I was ever treated unfairly at work and discussed this with my mother, her advice is to outright refuse to do something. No looking to discuss and compromise as you’d expect in a professional environment.
I think it’s hard to put into words what I’ve needed to change, but I think that if I’d gone to university I would’ve picked up the necessary skills there instead.
I sympathise and relate. Perhaps our school systems need to teach kids these values. It may be too late by the time they hit school. I also wonder if it would be permitted in our highly polarised political climates.