I am not a woman, so I obviously can't relate to the pain, but what hit me really hard was when my wife got an episiotomy (is that the correct term? English isn't my first language.).

Basically, the doctor took what looked like poultry shears, waited for the next contraction and cut her open from her vagina to her asshole. And she didn't even notice the pain of the cut because the pain of the contraction was so strong.

That put the whole thing quite into perspective for me.

I can vaguely imagine what that cut must have felt like. The contraction pain was much stronger.

It is seriously scary how little people talk about the all the crazy stuff that happens during and around pregnancy, e.g. the staggering amount of miscarriages, perinatal/postpartum depression, birth injuries, ...

[–] Rachelhazideas@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'm so sorry for what your wife went through, and what you had to watch. That is absolutely horrifying.

I completely agree with what you've said, and I wish more people can come to understand that live births are not the rainbows and sparkles that we've been conditioned into believing, but a life or death, permanently disfiguring, or traumatizing process it is.

For anyone disagree with you: Can there be beauty, humor, and joy in this? There absolutely can. None of this is about sucking away the joy of childbirth, it's about addressing the nonchalant attitudes and assumptions that many non-birthing people have about it. There is a time and place for everything, and a joke at the expense of someone giving birth that they didn't find funny being posted on social media isn't a tasteful one.

Does this make that guy the most horrible person? No. This isn't about that one guy, it's about addressing a cultural attitude towards childbirth is that is harmful to women, many of which get the wrong ideas about childbirth. It's about the trivialization of mental health of new mothers, something that I'm sure lots of men can empathize with.

[–] squaresinger@feddit.de 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Don't be sorry for me, I just helplessly watched. My wife is the one who did the work.

I totally agree with what you say. The joyous aspect is definitely there, when the birth is done and "holy hell we just made a human!". But that doesn't in any way diminish the pain and everything around.

But, contrary to the pain and all, we as a society talk enough about the joyous part. We just "forget" to talk about (and give credit for) the pain, the permanent injuries, the trauma and the mental health aspects of pregnancy, birth and getting a child through the first few years.

[–] Rachelhazideas@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

Your wife went through hell and back, there's no doubt about that. But to watch a loved one suffer is pain in its own right. It may be small compared to what she went through, but that doesn't make it unimportant. In the same way that the joy of having a child doesn't diminish the pain, the magnitude of your wife's suffering doesn't diminish yours either. Take care.