Greentext

Sounds like John Mulaney’s drug dealer.

‘…counselor, who told him to delete and block his drug dealer. “It’s called ‘breaking up with your drug dealer.’ I texted my main dealer, Arvin — I shouldn’t have said his name, but that’s OK, you don’t know him.”

"I said, 'Hey, I'm deleting and blocking you. I'm sober now, I'm never gonna buy drugs again,'" John said. "But I'm really polite, so I didn't know how to end the text, so I said, 'But thank you, for all the nights that became days and your inspired professionalism.'"

"Before I can delete and block him, he texts me back and goes, 'Hey, I'm so proud of you. I'm so happy that you got sober. You know, I only bought drugs to sell to you, because I was worried about you, and I didn't want you to get worse stuff off the streets.'"

John then made a face like, “AW!” and said, “I know, and I’m breaking up with this guy?! So, I text him back, and go, ‘You sweet man. You only bought drugs to sell to me? Did you sell drugs to other people?’”

"He said, 'No, I'm a painter. We talked about this.' Ladies and gentleman, I have no idea how I know this person. So I texted him, 'How did it come to be — that you sold me drugs?'" Arvin wrote back that he didn't know either, but John just kept asking.’