this post was submitted on 12 Jan 2024
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Polyamory

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If You Can't Control Yourself, Don't Be Polyamorous - Poly Land (poly.land)
submitted 10 months ago by punkisundead@slrpnk.net to c/polyamory@lemmy.world
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I dont like the text. Self control and love dont mix that well (for me). Also telling people they should not be polyamorous as if thats a choice for everybody is just not how that works for everybody.

Let me tell you, if you can’t exercise self-control, then there’s no way you should be polyamorous. All that lies down that path is pain, bad behavior, heartache, and disappointment.

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[–] Septimaeus@infosec.pub 8 points 10 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Yeah I’m put off by this use of “self-control” because it has a “two wolves” vibe, which is always a mess. Thinking about your personal sexuality as an internal beast that must be restrained is not healthy for relationships, because it’s not healthy for you as an individual.

If your partners aren’t down with someone, the amount of self-control required to drop it is approximately zero, because you love them and no sojourn is worth their trust.

If that’s not true, or you have unmet needs or something, you absolutely should communicate, but the sanctioned-cheating arrangement people fall into isn’t poly at all. It’s just punctuated monogamy with fragmented intimacy and repression.

This author should tell their friend that poly relationships are built on trust just like any other. So if he’s not ready to build trust, he’s not ready for any relationship, poly or otherwise.