Programming

That's so kind of you!
I started by aiming for front-end web dev. I learned HTML & CSS (I know, we're not PROGRAMMING yet). At the time, that's all I was hearing it'd take to get into the role. Then it was "you should probably know some Javascript," and I wasn't ready for how big of a jump that was. By the time I started understanding it, it became "learn jQuery," which I learned and used for a couple of small websites, then came the libraries...
"AngularJS is the future" well now I need to learn Git, compiling, CMD...
ReactJS starts becoming a thing and I say "seriously? I've learned enough of these things, quit moving the goalpost, React isn't going to stick around"
Yeah...it definitely stuck around...but as an Open Source nerd, I got super excited by VueJS and started learning that. No jobs in that apparently, aaaand I no longer want to do web dev, especially since I never reached the point of enjoying coding, it was always a means to an end.

So there were two major issues for me: \

1. I never focused on one language enough to truly LEARN to code, it was a constant sense of "I'm not keeping up". I may be able to write the syntax, I might know the basics about functions, vars, and looping, but never really got using it in a super practical sense other than to try a couple of personal challenging projects that my ADHD arse couldn't ever stick with. \
2. Me and coding speak and think very differently. Stick with me here, I know, it's a language, but the way something should be written and formatted are different from how I think it should be, and this is a very hard one to explain to folks. The best example I can give is that I might say like (and this is a poor example because remember, I don't code and I'm not doing any active coding projects) \

var person = { userInput }
var num;

function findNumberOfLetters (person) {
    num = length(person);
}
function response(person, num) {
    findNumberOfLetters(person);
    console.log("Hello " + person + "! Did you know that your name has " + num + " letters in it? Numbers are rad!");
}

I'm sure I did things wrong, but again, this is just for the sake of example. So, I write something like this thinking that it's nicely structured and easy to read, and inevitably won't work. I pass this to a friend, and the answer seems to always be a less structured, more nested code. So for this example, something like \

(function response(userInput) {
    console.log("Hello " + userInput + "! Did you know that your name has " + length(userInput) + " letters in it? Numbers are rad!");
})

Obviously their answer is shorter and this isn't exactly a complicated program, but for some reason, making the thing that provides a response to the user to do any of the logic feels wrong and messy to me. It's a really hard thing to explain, I hope this makes some amount of sense, but I just process things very differently than code does, and it just ends up really incompatible. I'll beat my head for weeks over-complicating something because I want it to "be clean" only for someone I know to come up with something that actually works within seconds.
This isn't to compare my skills against them, it's to say that I'm thinking about it wrong, I'm organizing it wrong.
That said, knowing how code functions has helped me to know enough to be dangerous and apply it in other ways, such as building Azure Logic Apps to manage ticket intake, or building alert monitoring. So it's come in very handy in its own way, I just don't have to competency to actually make any contributions to Open Source projects, especially since I don't write in two of the coolest languages that I wish I could learn: Python and Rust.

No pity party here, I love what I do and I don't intend to change careers to coding, but I do end up feeling helpless in the face of instances like this where I wish so badly to contribute to a project that I care so strongly about and want to see thrive. I know there's other ways to contribute, such as providing graphics, UI, documentation, financial, hosting, etc. but coding always seems to be the most in need to keep up with demand, and with more and more projects coming out all the time, the more programmers are in need to see them through.