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this post was submitted on 28 Feb 2024
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Alright NCD, tell me your noncredible plan to beat Russia
Fuck it, *releases Florida-man*
There's a whole lot of Russian infiltration into Floridaman circles these days
As long as we can control the bathsalts supply, Floridaman answers to us
The salts must flow
But the bath salts thing was a one time thing, Floridaman is all about those pills, always has been.
I hear you, we need the CIA to sell Florida more bath salts, no wonder they're getting uppity.
I suggest a slight modification on the Prigozhin plan.
Step 1: Hop on whatever vehicle you can find
Step 2: Casually drive to Moscow
Step 3 (Modified): Do NOT take Putin's bribe.
Step 4: Make sure you don't have to carry too much ammo back
Step 5: We did it!
I'll copy and paste a bit I did in reply to a Russiabot for kicking Russia out of the Ukraine.
We tell Poland “Hulk? Smash.” and they rush across the border and reinforce Ukrainian positions. A US carrier group rolls up and sinks what remains of the Black Sea Fleet before the Admiral can get a second cup of coffee. Marines start landing in Sevastopol and the obligatory McDonalds is setup within 36 hours. F-22s body the Russian air force without even being seen; not because of stealth, but because Russians ain't got radar no more. The Kerch Strait Bridge isn’t just bombed, but completely taken out from end to end. What remains of Russian ground positions west of Mariupol is full of soldiers who hear rumors that NATO POW camps will give you hot food and a warm blanket, and that’s sounding like a damn good deal by the end of the week.
Also cut off Belarus from any Russian support and let the people there do their thing. Bomb the railway connections between Russia and China, add a blockade between Russia and Iran.
And instead of just using McDonald's on the frontline, add some A&Ws and really win some hearts and minds.
Hearts and minds? I gotchu
*airdrops Stanley cups*
Hmmm.
Make them extra limited edition and promise the women of Russia even MORE limited runs if they bring us Putin's head.
karelia is free
Throw in a Five Guys and I'll start this party myself
Idk, enshittification even came for Five Guys in the end.
Is Uncle Sam paying?
they fucked up 5guys? haven't been in a while, what happened?
A basic combo is well over $20 now. If they had the best damn burgers you can get it'd be one thing but the quality of the meat has gone down as well.
Any real burger joint crushes them on quality and price now, but that's how enshittification works, right? Build the brand with a good product, then decrease quality and jack up prices.
All I'm willing to give them is they don't season their patties, so it's a relatively good place to go if you're restricted on sodium or prefer a pure meat flavor but the reality is the best burgers are seasoned. That's just how flavor works.
Lets skip the five guys and create the first international In-N-Out. Itd be funny if the Ukrainians get one before the Mexicans or Canadians.
Day one: Russian air force gets taken out by NATO air strikes.
Day two: remaining heavy weapons are mopped up by NATO air strikes.
Day three to one hundred: Russian meat waves get mowed down by NATO air strikes and artillery.
Day one hundred and one: Putin tries to launch nuclear attack, fails.
China.
Hear me out: Treaty of Aigun established Vladivostok on what was Chinese land - Yongmingcheng, where the russians built a western city/port for their pacific fleet. And the russian 'east'; there's a fantastic stretch of land that's going to become quite livable due to climate change while china experiences a series of frustrations - inability to separate Taiwan from the west's interference, inability to execute the 9-dash line's ambitions to control the south china sea, and unity in the Australia-Indonesia-Philippines resistance to Chinese influence - why continue to waste resources where there's nothing but resistence?
Look north. Russia doesn't have the best army in the Donbas lol, when supplied the Ukrainians are tearing them to shreds - far more lost there than Afghanistan and Chechnya - mind boggling losses. Will the Russians really be able to stand up to a peer army?
And no one would twitch. Who's going to jump to Russia's aid?
Seems like a win.
I don't think they will act directly against each other until they've dealt with the west. One attacking the other directly would just cement western dominance.
Been saying that for months. There's enough of a Han population in Vladivostok for Xi to say it's a "special military operation," protecting native Chinese. It'd be a heck of a political coup for Xi, because he could have an easy military victory, and redirect attention from Taiwan. Also gives them a port outside of the first chain of islands that have cut them off from everything but the East China Sea
yes, those are excellent points!
Someone call Xi and let's make it happen.
csto mabye would come to russias aid
it would be hilarious if Ru asked.... imho the stan clan + armenia really don't owe all that much to Ru, and putin in particular....
something tells me China + Ukraine forcing a 2 front conflict on Russia would outweigh anything the CSTO could bring to bear quickly.
i agree with your statement
Orbital bombardment with anti matter weaponry.
Democracy prevails
➡️ ⬇️ ➡️ ⬇️ ➡️ ⬇️
For Democracy!
⬆️➡️⬇️⬇️⬇️
I think just a big wood chipper followed by a mobile reggae sound system bumping up the highway slowly, passing out food, medical supplies and weed to the inhabitants as they go past. Followed an hour later by ANOTHER sound system and several clearly branded flatbed trucks, with happy smiling people throwing candy and chocolate off the back to the re-assembled crowd.
Ain’t nobody stopping that parade.
Make American vodka superior to Russian.
That would be Kirkland Signature vodka.
I am 100% serious.
Also Tito's
Before I discovered Kirkland, I would have agreed with you.
Kirkland is genuinely just as good, except a handle (1.75L) costs roughly as much as a normal Tito’s bottle (750ml).
I was born in Kirkland. My mom drank only the finest Vodka during pregnancy. Kirkland Vodka made my IQ 180, gave me a chiseled chin, and I give earth shattering orgasms when I shake hands.
Can I shake your hand?
Are you ready to have kids?
Can you get Kirkland vodka in Canada? I've seen Tito's before but haven't tried it.
If you got Costco, they sell Kirkland. Are they in Canada?
There are Costco's but I haven't seen any with alcohol sections. Actually we probably just don't have grocery and alcohol in the same store it's probably been the times I've been in the states melding in my ancient mostly forgotten memories.
Depends on the province. They have alcohol in a side store where I am. Kirkland vodka is good.
The side store where I am is an independent store they rent space to, and they have their own liquor inside the main store.
It's honestly a bit weird.
Vodka is the easiest goddamn spirit to turn into a high-tier brand. There is barely any flavor to Vodka, and even an expert could not tell the difference between a $150 bottle of vodka and a $30 bottle in a blind taste test.
Figure out which of Ghengis Kahn's tens of millions of descendents.can reunite the Mongols
A finger curls on the paw
It's Putin
Tell Republicans that Gay Russians are having IVF just so they can get abortions at the free medical clinic.