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Dating advice for privacy conscious (lemmy.world)

submitted 8 months ago by frankenswine@lemmy.world to c/dating@lemmy.world

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Due to my "privacy consciousness" (yes, you could call it digital paranoia, but that sounds as if i were ill and not just conscious about how data trade works in the age of total surveillance) dating apps are no options - the compromise i'm living with is owning, using and carrying a phine with me but without any non-free or known malicious (tracking, data-mining, spying, etc) software.

Any advice on how to get to know interesting people? How did you get to know your partners or acquantances? Did you just give in and opt for one or another dating platform?

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[–] frankenswine@lemmy.world 1 points 8 months ago (1 children)

That may be right for meeting people and making acquaintances and friends in general, but with the intent of dating people - would you suggest the same?

[–] Timecircleline@sh.itjust.works 3 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I think that the point is that to meet people who are looking to date, without using the internet, first you have to meet people offline.

They obviously won't all be available, but as you get to know them some might. Or they might know someone they can set you up with.

[–] awwwyissss@lemm.ee 1 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, the point is to meet people. If you get involved with an organization doing something you care about, you can have low pressure opportunities to meet people who share your values.

[–] frankenswine@lemmy.world 2 points 8 months ago (1 children)

the question is not "how to meet people" but "how to date people"

say i meet people i find interesting. do i just "ask them out"? do i ask them if they are "available" first? should i casually mention that i'm single and ready to mingle and wait for an adequate reaction from my opposite?

[–] awwwyissss@lemm.ee 2 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Everyone has a different approach. Some ask people out immediately, others need to get acquainted before even being interested.

A reasonable approach is to get to know them a bit then indicate your interest in a low pressure, confident way. Make it clear that you're into them and also make sure there's a comfortable way for them to turn you down.

[–] frankenswine@lemmy.world 1 points 8 months ago (1 children)

do you perhaps have an example for a nice way to state my intentions while giving an easy way for them to opt out?

[–] awwwyissss@lemm.ee 3 points 8 months ago

Smething direct but low key like saying "Hey, I like spending time with you. I'm happy to just be friends, so feel free to say no, but I'd like to get to know you better. Can I take you out sometime?"

This demonstrates confidence without pressure, and shows respect for their feelings without being wimpy.

It can be better for both people to avoid letting it build up into a big thing inside yourself while the other person doesn't even know you're interested. This can lead to very mismatched expectations and more painful disappointment.

Expect some rejection, it happens all the time, and realize that even rejections are helpful practice.