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Is there a nice way to tell someone they need more friends? (beehaw.org)

submitted 8 months ago by Alice@beehaw.org to c/nostupidquestions@lemmy.ca

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I have a relative who I don't want to cut off, but it's obvious they need me more than I need them and it's exhausting. They want me to drop everything and spend time with them at a moment's notice, usually eating out which is super expensive, and they constantly have mental health crises and text me that they "need" me.

I can say no to them, that's not the problem, but they haven't gotten the hint and are just as clingy years after years of it. It's really unhealthy for me to be their only friend when I don't feel the same way. Is there any way to encourage them to expand their social life without sounding like a dick? I have no social grace and sound like a dick a lot.

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[–] Spendrill@lemm.ee 15 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Do you have a spare friend to lend them? If you happen to already know someone who is also a bit needy with you then you can introduce them to your relative and see what happens. I caused a marriage like this once and they were very grateful.

[–] Alice@beehaw.org 4 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (2 children)

Congratulations for your friends, that's great!

Unfortunately I only have one friend who still lives around here, and she's less available than me. My relative fancies us to be a friend group in that she's constantly asking us both to drop everything and spend time with her, but she never hangs out with my friend one on one. It's odd.

[–] DarkThoughts@fedia.io 3 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Maybe she's having a crush on you? Also, I feel a therapy might be more needed for them, but that's probably even harder to sell.

[–] Alice@beehaw.org 1 points 8 months ago

Nah, just family history of codependence. I'll see if I can find a good opportunity to talk about therapy, though.

[–] Spendrill@lemm.ee 2 points 8 months ago (1 children)

That's too bad. I hope you find a good solution.

[–] Alice@beehaw.org 3 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Thanks! It did kind of give me an idea, even if I don't have a friend to hook them up with right now, maybe I can bring them to social functions and encourage them to mingle.

[–] Spendrill@lemm.ee 2 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

I think that would be helpful to them even if it takes a while to bear fruit, they've obviously taken a bit of a knock to their social confidence at some point and that could start building them up again.