Oops!
I feel kind of silly. I spent 12-13 years knowing internally that I am a woman. I regularly "pretended" to be a woman online as a kid and teenager. I have always preferred my "feminine" features and appreciated the "feminine" side of my personality far more than the "masculine". I used the nonbinary label as a shield, protecting myself from the truth for years.
I got out of a really rough, codependent relationship in 2023. I was told a lot of really horrible things about myself that I know now aren't true, but believed at the time. A lot of things that had me examining my supposed manhood and the more toxic parts thereof. I "came out" as cis. I created the Men's Liberation community here (and proceeded to not take an active role there due to depression and... well, this.)
I read a lot about masculinity and manhood, and began using my 'maleness' as a means to get better, as a means to do better, to be better. It would allow me to more critically examine the ways I was socialized and more adequately deconstruct them. It did, for a time.
In the midst of my stint with manhood, I met a couple of people who knew the truth. Before we had even spoken to each other beyond base pleasantries, they would talk about me using she/her pronouns. After we got to talking, I felt like I could be queer again, be me again. I have found my people and my home, and in doing so I have managed to find myself again.
I am a woman. I start HRT within the week. I am so, so excited. I am a woman.
:) !