this post was submitted on 30 Sep 2023
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Polyamory

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A community for discussion of Polyamory as well as other Ethical Non-Monogamy styles.

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Nonmonogamy for Men: The Big Picture (freaksexual.com)
submitted 1 year ago by punkisundead@slrpnk.net to c/polyamory@lemmy.world
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geteilt von: https://slrpnk.net/post/2665683

A while ago I noticed a problem in my polyamorous social circles, namely that some of the guys just are not doing that well, in terms of finding partners, dating, and generally succeeding at nonmonogamy. In particular, the guys who are new to nonmonogamy seem to make a lot of blunders. Sometimes these are spectacular and result in those guys giving up and going back to monogamy, but other times they seem to take the form of a steady failure to date, or a quickly cycling through relationships. Of course, there are plenty of men who take well to nonmonogamy (myself included), espcially those who have been doing it for a long time. That said, longevity is no guarantee of success โ€“ some of the frustrated guys at my recent class on this subject had been polyamorous for over a decade but could still not get their groove on. My hope with the discussions below is that they will help other guys hopscotch past a lot of the conceptual traps that hold us back.

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[โ€“] vestigialthorn@lemmy.world 3 points 5 months ago

TLDR; the non-monogomous community has a generally lower tolerance for the toxic social norms common among cis-het men. A man that finds himself impatient with his success in dating might consider that it makes sense for non-men to be cautious of all men, and he might need to do the work to recognize he might be the one that needs to learn what others expect of him to be found attractive.