this post was submitted on 27 Jul 2024
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Autism

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Dating/Hangout Anxieties? (lemmy.world)
submitted 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) by douglasg14b@lemmy.world to c/autism@lemmy.world
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Anyone else get anxiety when waiting for communication on anything soft-planned (or even hard planned for that matter)? Spiraling and all that.

Especially if the person involved is late or didn't respond. Ofc the reaction is to check in, that's what I'd want someone else to do for me if I indicated I'd do something or message someone. However, that can be interpreted as being needy or clingy when really I just want to know the plan and not be left hanging.

Life happens ofc, people gotta cancel plans, that's okay. But what really rubs things wrong is being left without information, that's when the anxiety shoots. Do you wait for them, or go do something else? If you go do something else, what happens when they're suddenly available? That's not respecting my time, so it's rude, but do you convey that?? What if you hinged your day on something, that just throws a big ass wrench in.

Everyone is living their own lives, and things happen, preventing communication. It just feels like it's more common than it used to be, or more... Negligent?

Gah.

I guess /rant really.

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[–] c10l@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago

Agree.

Setting your own expectations so that you’re never disappointed also helps.

Anticipate meeting up, so that if it happens, you’re excited. At the same time, anticipate that they may not show up so don’t expect that they will.

Love the other person but love yourself first. Yes, it’s cheesy and cliché but there’s a reason for that: it works incredibly well in your favour since there’s no way to lose.

People fail to show up for a variety of reasons. They may have suffered an accident. Their phone might have died and they don’t know how to get to the meet up without it, and have no way of letting you know. They may be stressed and could have forgotten, even if they were really looking forward to it.

And the kicker, they might be even more anxious than yourself and don’t know how to deal with that.