this post was submitted on 20 May 2024
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What is your personal definition of value? (lemm.ee)
submitted 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) by SloppySol@lemm.ee to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml
18 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

I’ve spent my life wasting my time, rationalized with words. In terms of my own human life, I’ve reached for a vague sense of meaning, purpose, significance… and value. At least, value of distinct characteristics of instances relatable THROUGH those characteristics measured.

I was lost in the specifics, in the pedantic cycles that WANT to break into an answer that stops the constant motion that becomes meaningless once the reason is realized.

Knowing is what I mean by realizing, but…

Reality isn’t so tangible. Our hands only grasp so much, our eyes can only see a small bit… at a time. We make ourselves from what we experience. Some define those experiences deeper with another (word/meaning-boundary) to mean themselves, and they say they’re what they DO.

But at our limits, we are struck by truth that sensitively lies, as an experience in sleep as dreams, some of which we remember. But death is more than what we are able to remember, it’s to stand, for at least a second.

Like Ace in one piece’s marine fort arc, after he gets saved. For those few minutes, he lives. But he dies defending whitebeards honor, a lesson luffy learned much earlier with the pirates he attacks as a kid when shanks doesn’t respond to the empty threats they represented when they insulted him with irrelevant words.

I ask a question and I ask that you write. It can be as jibber-jabber gibberish as the words I scream like this. As I hear myself, all I want to tell anybody and EVERYBODY else, who’s not me:

TLDR:

a simple exercise meant to be reworded:

Ask yourself, who you are, And don’t answer.

Voices will come.

Listen.

Don’t answer.

But if you do answer anyways…

Don’t hate the screams. Don’t hate any of the answers. Not even the ones you search for.

Maybe you’ll eventually recognize that the moments your thoughts escaped your “peace of mind,” happened. That you’re not forgetful or cursed in any way, that life is WHAT IT IS.

BEAUTIFUL.

I AM SORRY. PLEASE respond to the question title however you deem fitting, even if it isn’t saved forever, it will have happened now. And the mystery of now is enough reach towards, together.

But hatefulness is the only thing I see in the reality of the governments that hold us. Black people in America, Muslims in India, sinners in Saudi Arabia.

Sins relocate, they never die. And reading all of Frank Herbert’s Dune series has made me naively sure of the ancestral memories that lives in our stomach. There lies our truth of love.

I’m sorry. What do YOU value? This is the internet, and I hope you can tell I did not generate this artificially lol. Check the account history, I’m a dumbass. Please do not ban me.

What do YOU value, in reality? In and out of life, of all of any?

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[–] bionicjoey@lemmy.ca 20 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Jesus Christ dude. This isn't a prompt for other people to answer, it's just you spilling your insanity on the internet. Find another board to post on, because this isn't "asklemmy" material.

Also, seek therapy.

[–] SloppySol@lemm.ee -3 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

This is a question with a very unnecessary body. Is it ugly? “Jesus Christ,” you say? What do you care about? I am seeing a therapist, he’s recommended the book “introduction to family systems,” by Richard Schwartz and I read it through twice about a year ago. It’s still seeing this therapist, and I’m healing.

I had a question, you didn’t answer it. You focused on the body. I’m sorry I had so much to vent. I’m healing. I’m trying to express myself and hear what responses I deserve.

Thank you for your response, I really do look forward to hear if you do have any measure of value, and how you define that measurement. There’s logic and there’s matter, and I wander.

If you say you value efficiency over emotions, I feel sad for you. But I’d love to hear why. I make no assumptions, I really do look forward to your answer to the question you ignored to instead tell me I don’t belong.

What the fuck do you live for? Can you tell me that?

[–] jet@hackertalks.com 11 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (2 children)

I want to take the time and respond to you. I think there's some interesting things to unpack. But my experience on Lemmy, with unhinged people, is you will delete your post and my response will go missing.

So to that end please take my efficiency response

[–] SloppySol@lemm.ee 2 points 5 months ago

Thanks lol

[–] SloppySol@lemm.ee 1 points 5 months ago

Hope your hinges are stable and worth it, person. I am seeing a therapist, the only evolutionary imperative in life I see is to survive, the rest is what you choose. All I ask is what you choose, and how you measure the why of the what.

[–] sentient_loom@sh.itjust.works 6 points 5 months ago (1 children)

tldr;

I don't have a personal definition of value, because I'm not a megacorporation.

[–] SloppySol@lemm.ee 1 points 5 months ago

Okay, then what are you? What matters to you, do you think of some experiences as good, or some as bad? Some as better, some as worse? What’s the difference? I’m truly curious.

[–] squid_slime@lemm.ee 4 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

Perceived value changes with age, as a teen I had value in how I looked, the clothes I wore and social circles I was in. Regretfully I also had value in that my value was more then others as they lacked looks, or expensive clothes, they're social circle was perceived less than mine. now I am older I perceived my value in the house I rented and the things I owned, the low paid job I worked, and again I had perceived to have more value as others had less.

Once my life hit rock bottom, parent figure died, cheated on for a year, lost a good job, it became apparent that value is a means to suppress.

[–] SloppySol@lemm.ee 1 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I’m sorry. I can’t help but believe in naive hopes of understanding, of widespread passion that can be shared with at least, all people. Dogs love unconditionally, don’t they?

Someday, I wish. Just trying to figure out how I can make it easier, up the chances maybe. But today you’re worth the money you make. Simple as that, so meanings don’t matter. Makes it easier to be individual, but… belief is supposed to be separate, right? Where’s love supposed to lead to?

We’ve all got a voice inside, why can’t we just let them RUCKING TALK TO EACHOTHER? Is that really so insane? Fine, go fucking support your stupid fucking circlejerk communities and vote for trump or refuse to vote at all for the sake of your pop media interpretation of Palestine. Genocide? Yes. Will you vote for suicide because of it?

You tell me. Sorry. Not you, specifically, I’m sorry. But anyone reading, what are you trying to do? Don’t respond, I don’t fucking care. I’m not worth it. Let go of what you want for just a second, feel what you suppress, stop giving in to pain.

[–] squid_slime@lemm.ee 1 points 5 months ago (1 children)

your very poetic in your writing, is this a profession?

value is like time or any other man made illusion, so while i did hit rock bottom it gave me time to think and read and live out an existential crisis and i am better for it.

[–] SloppySol@lemm.ee 1 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I am sorry. In rereading, I see my self centeredness. Finally.

I am not able to be professional in this, according to the top comment, I think. I will try still, in whatever ways I can, and maybe one day find a bridge to give me the space to explain my beliefs.

I used to have strong beliefs, but therapy showed me the scars that I carry into every decision I make as anxiety unknown. I know now, at least.

Words capture feelings that our stomach gurgles. I am sorry to not respond to you for so long, I try to communicate but the constant loop has changed direction and now every little bit is different and I need to hear all of it because I AM insane.

IGNORE THE ABOVE^^^ except the sorry?

I am grateful to you. I do not know you. But I am so glad to talk to you. I can’t stop feeling like a monster now.

ANYWAYS, nimona on Netflix is a very beautiful movie. I cried 3 times now, watching it twice. If you’d like to be friends, I am always here. Anybody, right now, this is my username. It’s here as me. This post is me. If I get banned, this dies. I am glad to have had this post.

Artificial intelligence is plateauing?

The human population is reaching a necessity for culling. We will die. Artificial intelligence, global warming, and partial political dysfunction leading to totality of power? Totality of power already exists, political dysfunction will lead to riots we will never start or… what?

Is there another side to this? Where will we be 10 years from now? Will health care still be tied into employment? Honestly, I need to look into how that helps a business and why. Will homes still be empty yet enough to house every homeless person more than twice over?

Bureaucracy, deliberate consideration.

I’m sorry. I am past drunk. I deserve every downvote and more. I’m just…. Crying. That’s all this is. Not poetry. Not any consistent logical progression or round trip, just… idea after idea, separate and lost but also pure in solitary conception.

Asimov and Herbert both agree that humans would and will use artificial intellligence to commit genocide of the non-aristocratic. All of us peasantry. The question, in truth, is who will make the choice and why will they make their selection? What will their parameters be?

There’s history, and there are generations of billions of humans that shaped it. Whyd they do it, what did they spread it into, and where are we now? What is it that provides the true future worth and value?

I have Debian. I use i3. I love vim and shortcuts, and emacs. I wanted to learn nonstop, I got pretty good at emacs. Used it for about 10 months, laptop died and I got a desktop. I’m just a lazy piece of shit lol when it comes to that I guess. I lay down all the time. But that’s not living. I want to live.

I am worthless. I am sorry. If I get banned now. I hereby accept it.

I hope I’ve proven your description of poetic wrong by now haha

[–] squid_slime@lemm.ee 1 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I am not able to be professional in this, according to the top comment, I think. I will try still, in whatever ways I can, and maybe one day find a bridge to give me the space to explain my beliefs.

you are passionate about writing and expression so fuck if people fail to see it thats on them.

I used to have strong beliefs, but therapy showed me the scars that I carry into every decision I make as anxiety unknown. I know now, at least.

sorry this is what your going through, i am in a similar struggle with mental health, therapist says its cptsd from an awful childhood. i know its difficult but i am glad to see you can express yourself so well. i would like to go back to the original post and say while i have gone on to see value as meaningless previously i guess that was a simplified answer maybe even dishonest: value is inherent in all, but it is also unquantifiable you have value but you and i and everyone else are so nuanced and finicky that the human brain would be unable to conceptualize this type of value but thats not to say we have no worth, to me this conversation has been incredibly interesting and for that you have value and maybe like wise to yourself.

I hope I’ve proven your description of poetic wrong by now haha

i am sorry to say but nope, i will have to look out for your user name, not a poetic but i am an avid reader and love creative writing.

[–] SloppySol@lemm.ee 2 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I love you, I thank you, you help. I have recently come to accept I have a fear of anger. In general, especially my owns, and rooted in past fear of my father’s anger. Past understanding, just rage allowed.

Anyways, here’s a scream I wrote he’s not ready for, and I can’t send for fear of misunderstanding and/or rage I know logically is missing key elements required.

image of words

[–] squid_slime@lemm.ee 1 points 5 months ago

Relatable. Sorry your father is this way I hope you can find a way to speak civilly about these issues if that is what you want

[–] Fizz@lemmy.nz -1 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Hello internet schizo. I'm just gonna respond to the question of what is value. To me value is picking a good option. It's knowing I can only pick one thing and getting the most out of that thing. I value things that make my life easier and more enjoyable. Money is worth spending if it saves me time on tasks I don't enjoy doing.

[–] SloppySol@lemm.ee 0 points 5 months ago

Sounds relative. What’s “absolute” value to you? The measure to define the worth of an experience, compared to another? Make life easier, more enjoyable? Do you ever feel free? Always?

Is that schizo? What’s the point of asking, “what’s the point?”

[–] SloppySol@lemm.ee -3 points 5 months ago

I’m sorry to comment like this, but… I just had a thought I must, “save forever,” because I’m scared I’ll lose it.

All this time, I’ve wondered if my girlfriend hates me or not.

Now that I find my feelings, I can only wonder how MUCH she hates me.

I had a comment to a post where I felt similarly with a long story that related to what I was feeling. The time spent writing that comment, and the explicit open invitation to message them, made me feel enough hope to not think that specific flow of words, “how MUCH hate.”

I wondered, “how did I fuck up and how can I fix it?”

I cheated on her the first year I was with her. It’s hard to admit that I talked shit about her the first few days, and remnants lasted as a part of me for a while after.

It’s been 3 years now, and we live together because finances and a random gun shooting as part of a fight a neighbor of mine I never knew involved the beating up of a guy that came back with a gun.

That’s the story the cops gave me, and occams razor is hard to use there, especially when it doesn’t matter why it happened. I moved out to live with her, and we got a new apartment.

I asked her to move in with me after she mentioned she wish that was the way it happened.

Initiative is the man’s responsibility, right? Sex says 1>1.

There’s love on both sides.

I’m sorry to spam. Again, I ask to please not ban. My life is on the line. I am not hateful or against any general rules. I ask that this be let passed for no reason other than to supplement the question I ask:

what do you value?!

[–] SloppySol@lemm.ee -5 points 5 months ago

I don’t want to be sad. But as they say, the only way out is through, right? Thank you for the downvote, whoever you are. I wish you’d tell me why so I could respond, but this will have to do.