I wish Douglas Adams was still alive. He'd really be amused.

Don't knock it till you try it. Most snake venom is enzyme based to if you apply enough heat to the wound it would prevent a poisoning.

My mate was once bitten by a snake so we boiled him alive and guess what? He didn't die from that poison

Wow not only did it tell you to do something that would make things worse. All four of those things are going to make things worse.