Strange Planet by Nathan W. Pyle

Only the fraudulent lactations of grain

"Would you care for some fried chicken embryos?"

"Beldar, we don't eat fertilized eggs, so those aren't embryos."

"Maybe you don't!"

"Do you want a cup of warm milk?"

"I will not drink bovine lactose at any temperature!"

"Hot leaf liquid, how could my nephew say such a thing?"

Sucks the author is a conservative anti abortion nut. I do like the aliens.

Edit: did some more research... he is "Pro Life", but is not necessarily a conservative. He said he votes for Democrats. He also said his Christian faith informs his private beliefs. So he's a mixed bag and not necessarily a conservative nut as I had previously read and shared above.