A survey from the 90s is probably moot nowadays.
Although, I'm sure if you approach this like you're owed sex because you did housework, that ain't gonna end well.
this post was submitted on 30 Sep 2024
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Relationship Advice
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The double @ is creative
Uhhh what?
I've seen this from different angles of results. I like my place to be neat, clean, and dialed. I had a partner of eight years, and we had a mutually agreed division of house chores. She complained that her chores were sapping her libido, that my standards were too high. "I hear you honey. Would it help if I did everything, leaving you to focus on your graduate degree?" She confirmed that would be helpful all around. Yeah, except things got even worse.
And reacting to "I'm just not horny after [doing my share of maintaining our home life]" has, in my experience, been a trap. In retrospect, that late stage behavior has always been my wife/partner trying to bleed the relationship just a little more before throwing away the husk, all while weaseling out of any reciprocal effort. I also now understand that I was self-selecting whatever that personality archetype is.
Now, with my current partner, she loves being of service. When she had cancer, me trying to take over everything domestic made her feel worse. We negotiated that she could retain her share of chores, but I could veto for the day if I thought she was overextending herself. For the entirety of our relationship, the amount of chores I do has nothing to do with how much sex we have. I cook dinner? We have sex. She cooks dinner? Sex. Someone else cooks dinner? Believe it or not, sex.
I credit a lot of our success to strong communication and clear boundaries. The chores:sex ratio seems to go completely out the window in a healthy, communicative relationship. Again, in my experience.
I like my place to be neat, clean, and dialed.
It goes to eleven
Do you do house work because you want to, or do you do it to earn favours from your partner?
Relationships aren't business deals. You don't pay for sex with choirs and brownie points.
Relationships aren't business deals. You don't pay for sex with choirs and brownie points.
All relationships are transactional. There may not always be an explicit ledger with columns for AP/AR. Interpersonal relationships that repeatedly fail to provide the expected return on investment result in dysfunction and toxicity. We always pay for sex and companionship; the currency just probably isn't money.
Nobody does house work because they want to.
Edit: those of you who disagree and do want to do housework... would you come do mine?
Bad wording, if your motivation for doing something is just to get favours from your partner, you aren't doing it for the right reason
There's always someone. For everything.
Anecdotally untrue, I clean my house regularly and masturbate daily.
I think what's really going on is "certain people are afraid to openly admit they don't want their partner physically, and those individuals are likely to come up with an excuse, such as housework."
In my experience it's a matter of more flirting -> more sex
House work and other things don't really seem to matter much
And who has better sex? And is more happy in general? I mean the egalitarian couples could also spend their time differently and thus have less sex? Maybe they spend their nights in the bar, in the cinema, playing Super Smash Bros. on the Switch or going to the amusement park... And boarding the beef bus every night is not that important to them?
I'm not super impressed by just looking at the quantity. It's not what I'd have expected... But I think more research is needed.
Skill issue + third variable
Couples in which men participate more in housework typically done by women report having sex less frequently. Similarly, couples in which men participate more in traditionally masculine tasks—such as yard work, paying bills, and auto maintenance—report higher sexual frequency.
Hmm. As a lady, I can see that. Sharing housework probably makes everybody too samey samey, boring, therefore less attractive. Highlighting differences probably works like opposites attract. Like ooh, you're so good at doing this thing that I can't. So sexy! Something something lizard brain?
I cook and do most of the yardwork, husband does most of the everyday cleaning, it feels balanced to both of us & we have sex every day because we both like it.
I don't think the specific allocation of tasks matters, you just can't have resentment because someone isn't doing enough. Doing your share IS sexy. Doing it as some sort of favor to get sex, less so.