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"Heeeeey, so listen. Last night, when we had sex, and I started screaming bloody murder, began clutching the sheets, crying, and trying to violently kick you away? That's because you put it in the wrong hole!"

"Oh. I thought my penis was just big enough that you started flailing around and kicking. You were screaming take it out, it hurts, take it out, it's too big. So naturally I assumed that I am the ultimate man."

"No, in fact you made my anus bleed. You literally ripped the skin on my inside."

"Aw geez, oh man! That's awful......but you know what that means, right?"

"That tampons will now go in 2 holes?"

"No. It means tonight when we try that, I'll use lube, but I also won't have to wear a condom."

"We're not trying that ever again........except on your birthday."