This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2024-11-27 05:01:03+00:00.
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/No-Bathroom4158
AITAH for no longer hanging out with my niece and nephew because their mom moved on from my brother’s death?
Originally posted to r/AITAH
TRIGGER WARNING: dealing with grief
Original Post Nov 20, 2024
Around 7 months ago, my brother passed away and left behind his wife, his son who’s 10, and his daughter who’s 8. My brother and I always had a close bond, and I was also a really close uncle to my niece and nephew. When my brother passed away, everyone took it really hard, my SIL was inconsolable, and my immediate priority was just to be there for my niece and nephew and help them through this tough time.
Last month however, as I was heading over to their house, I saw my SIL kissing some guy as he was dropping her off. I was shocked, I knew she was going through grief, but I didn’t expect her to move on so quick. When she saw me, she said she had been seeing him for a couple of weeks through a dating app. I didn’t really blame her for how she was processing her grief, but I just felt really sad for my brother’s memory. I decided I no longer wanted to be with her kids and hangout with them.
My SIL has messaged me many times since asking why I’m no longer coming over, and she said she would even stop dating or seeing that guy if it meant I could be with her kids as they really miss me. However, I told her it’s not my life, and that she should feel free to date whenever and whoever she wants, but I just can’t be in her house anymore and I need to process my own grief.
AITAH?
TOP COMMENTS
ClaresRaccoon
Grief is different for everyone. Your niece and nephew are the only piece of your brother that you have now. Hopefully you can get to a point where you are ready to resume that relationship with them.
~
SecretaryPresent16
I don’t want to call you an AH because you’re grieving, but I feel bad for the kids. You say you’ve always been close with them. You led them to believe you’d be there for them and now you’re just abandoning them when they need you the most. I just don’t get how you can do that to the kids. Now they’ve lost another adult in their life that they loved…
~
Flowerofiron
You're upset that she moved on and so now you won't have anything to do with the children?! How is that reasonable. I understand you're grieving, but so are those kids. They might be struggling just as much with their mother dating
Update Nov 20, 2024 (9 hours later)
Hey everyone, just a quick update.
I do realize after reading the comments that I let my emotions get the better of me, and my niece and nephew did nothing to deserve this, and this is not what my brother would have wanted for his kids. They are already going through a tough time and I shouldn’t have abandoned them like that.
I spoke with my SIL, and told her I was willing to take her kids out to do outdoor activities, or she could drop them off at my house or I could pick them up from her house. I however told her I would never step foot in her house ever again, and that it had nothing to do with her, I just needed to process my grief. My SIL apologized a lot and told me she wouldn’t date, and she asked me again many times if I could come inside their house. I told her it had nothing to do with her and there was no reason to apologize, she did nothing wrong, and her dating life was none of my business. My SIL did cry a lot after that, and I told her it’s ok, and it sucks that life has been like this.
That’s probably my only update, thanks everyone for the advice.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7