Bravo - perfection! Detailed, but organized, and people can skip what they don't want yet it's there if they do.
One very minor potential improvement: make the instance names into clickable links, b/c some people may actually want those instances just purely b/c of what you say there. e.g. don't just say blahaj but https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/, for people who are looking for a queer-focused instance rather than a general-purpose one.
Also for Beehaw, I don't think their users care that it's using old software? I'm not 100% sure about this text but one thought could be something like... "http://beehaw.org/ uses very old software and is cut off from the largest Lemmy instances" (but is that perhaps too many words, losing the simplicity? perhaps then "http://beehaw.org/ is isolated" or even "http://beehaw.org/ is very zealous about moderation at the expense of more content" - which some people actually want?).
Here's a more major point of concern: at this time, given what we know about the instance admin practices, do you even want to mention midwest.social? Especially as something to click on if someone actually is in the midwestern USA and is considering joining it!
When you use "LW", new Fedizens aren't going to have any clue what you mean by that. Say "Lemmy.World" there or elsewhere introduce the acronym somewhere to be found via searching.
I definitely agree about join-lemmy.org - you could too easily end up on like hexbear.net or lemmygrad.ml or lemmy.ml or something. I much prefer the approach of giving 2 quick options, with the rest of the options appearing in a list somewhere, even if you have to click to read the full list.