this post was submitted on 22 Jun 2023
1721 points (99.7% liked)

Asklemmy

43944 readers
627 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy ๐Ÿ”

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

  1. Open-ended question
  2. Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
  3. Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
  4. Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
  5. An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
 

Please don't ask why I need this.

It would be great if the food also made me sweat less.

It has to be something I can easily find.

EDITS FOR CLARIFICATION:

  • I am not planning on partaking in any illegal activities.

  • I do not condone the use of illegal substances and am not planning on smuggling anything anywhere.

  • I am not going on a hiking trip or mailing myself anywhere.

  • I will be staying in a tent (not a small one; a huge with with air conditioning and everything). I will be traveling for five days, returning to my current location on day 3 and traveling again on the last two days. I will not poop on the first three days (hopefully).

  • Clean toilets with all the expected facilities will be available to me. I am not going to poop for reasons that I wish to keep to myself.

  • If it gets bad, like really bad, like a-piece-of-poop-is-literally-halfway-out-my-ass bad, I will use the toilets.

Please stop asking because I am not telling anyone the reason.

(page 4) 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[โ€“] oxideSeven@lemmy.fmhy.ml 12 points 1 year ago

Eat a full MRE the day before. Good luck ever pooping again.

[โ€“] skiguy0123@lemmy.ca 12 points 1 year ago

Give birth right before your trip

[โ€“] eggnog@sopuli.xyz 12 points 1 year ago

what the fuck. i need an update post

[โ€“] macrocephalic@lemmy.fmhy.ml 12 points 1 year ago

I have a friend who was in the army and said they had to do 100+km training hikes. No one wanted to have to stop to poo so the first thing they did, before even starting, was to eat the block of cheese from their ration packs. They called it plug cheese.

[โ€“] swancheez@lemmy.world 12 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Dude, I know you can't say why, but I sincerely hope you come back after your...excursion? And update us all with the results. And may e tell us why when you have the chance.

Just coming in here and saying you can't shit for 3 days. What on earth is this.

load more comments (2 replies)
[โ€“] FVVS@l.lucitt.com 12 points 1 year ago (4 children)

Has anybody considered OP may be getting railed by a giant schlong?

load more comments (4 replies)

Op is gonna meet their stinky penpal in person and wants to save a special gift for when they get together, how romantic ๐Ÿ˜

[โ€“] Plasma@lemmy.ml 12 points 1 year ago
[โ€“] TheRex1209@feddit.de 12 points 1 year ago (7 children)

I'm pretty Sure you are a Woman going on a hike for multiple days and you don't want to poop in the wild? These problems sound quite familiar xD

load more comments (7 replies)
[โ€“] 4am@lemmy.world 12 points 1 year ago (6 children)

Bro are you mailing yourself somewhere?

load more comments (6 replies)
[โ€“] Doctor8@infosec.pub 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Practicing for No Shit November I see.

load more comments (1 replies)
[โ€“] synima@lemmy.world 12 points 1 year ago

Leaving a comment to be part of Lemmy history.

[โ€“] palarith@lemmy.ml 12 points 1 year ago
[โ€“] thehatfox@lemmy.world 12 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

This post is truly glorious, this should be the founding exhibit of the museum of Lemmy.

I am truly grateful to witness this moment.

In case OP is still with us, my advice would be anti diarrhoea medication, consume minimum liquids, avoid fibre, pack MREs which are often formulated to be a bit constipating. But above all, question why on earth you would be doing this in the first place!

[โ€“] RomanRoy@lemmy.world 12 points 1 year ago

I wonder how he will behave as soon as the first thing the date does in the tent is, unceremoniously, going for a poop.

[โ€“] JWBananas@kbin.social 11 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Good luck winning that car!

load more comments (3 replies)
[โ€“] MiddleWeigh@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

If you don't wanna partake in illegals ie opioids, you can give immodium a shot. It's anti diarrhea stuff. Just take more than it says lol it will def stop you up. I would also just eat bare minimum. Trail mix or smth. Also drink less water.

[โ€“] ja2@lemmy.world 10 points 1 year ago

I used to take immodium for multi-day concerts where I expected to be drinking a lot of beer. Last time I did so, it worked so well that I didn't shit for two weeks and stopped being able to sleep. Had to get to the doctor for a powerful laxative cocktail that really messed up my guts for another two weeks during which I still could barely sleep for different reasons. I'm not getting that month back.

[โ€“] skrttskrtt911@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago

This post is gold. To parrot a couple others, anti-diarrhea medicine always locks me up for a day or two

[โ€“] dnzm@lemmy.ml 11 points 1 year ago

You're going to end up needing a knife...

[โ€“] SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml 11 points 1 year ago (3 children)

You could try surviving on Soylent or an equivalent. It's the nutrients you need to stay alive and operating normally stripped down to the bare minimum (so less material for you to have to poop). It might be diluted in water but that could be minimised and that small amount would probably leave you though sweat/breath anyway.

load more comments (3 replies)
[โ€“] Zinx@lemm.ee 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'm here for whatever this ends up being

load more comments (1 replies)
[โ€“] CoolRhino@lemm.ee 10 points 1 year ago

Honestly, the edits didnโ€™t clarify much. Iโ€™m nearly as confused by this whole situation as I was the first time I read the post

[โ€“] KeefChief12@lemmy.ml 10 points 1 year ago

Just tell us the reason.

[โ€“] nihilomaster@lemmy.ml 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Just don't eat anything. For three days you should be fine. If your stomach hurts just drink water.

load more comments (1 replies)
[โ€“] Ciari@sh.itjust.works 10 points 1 year ago

Are you planning to film one of those "shipping myself in a box" videos? ๐Ÿ˜ญ

[โ€“] snek_boi@lemmy.ml 10 points 1 year ago

lol this is hilarious, and I also hope you're okay, OP!

Now, some say this is the first Lemmy meme. I'm not sure that's the case, for what it's worth. However, it does feel exciting to see a meta moment like this! So absurd! ๐Ÿ˜‚

[โ€“] Wirrvogel@feddit.de 10 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I was here witnessing lemmy history being made and I will probably die of curiosity if we do not get an update. I do not have any tips. I just hope that you come back safe and sound.

load more comments
view more: โ€น prev next โ€บ