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35:51:

"'At just the precise moment, I would quickly snap my hand down and out from a little pouch hidden inside my sleeve and would pop my favorite extraction forceps. I would gracefully complete the performance by raising my other hand over the patient and then abruptly thump the patient on the chest with the palm of that empty hand. I did this for two reasons. It drove the wind out of the patients lungs so they couldn't scream. And it forced them to open their mouth at the same time, instantaneously and instinctively. My other hand holding the forceps drove into the victim's mouth and came out holding the offending tooth. Then I quickly hid the forceps from sight. I would then jaunty and victoriously parade around the stage, showing off the tooth in my hand. Any moaning sounds made by the patient at that time were effectively muffled by the loud music and the screams and cheers of the crowd.'

"Despite what was advertised, Parker's patients did not always walk away satisfied. Many did not. Many complained of the pain and humiliation of being in his shows. When enough disgruntled patients would get together to confront him or get the law involved, he would just leave. He would he would just leave town."

39:32:

He gets a good job in New York. But at this point, he's helping to support his parents and he's paying for his brother to go to dental school and there's no birth control, so the babies start coming out and it's not enough money. And that's when he makes a strange friend in his landlord, a man named Bill Bibb, who used to be a manager for PT Barnum Circus. Bibb's like, "Whoa, okay. I I love your whole thing. Okay, not not this current thing. No, no, no. The the thing from before, the whole like traveling circus dentist thing. That was kind of cool. We should do that, but profitable this time. Listen, listen, man. I can show you the world."

40:22:

So Painless and his wife sit down and they have a serious family discussion. They say, "All right, okay, so we're 26. Uh, birth control has not been invented yet. Do you think we should spend literally the last of our money on hiring a circus manager?" "Yeah. Yeah. You know, actually, I think Yeah, that sounds that
sounds pretty good. Yeah, let's do that." Shockingly, shockingly, this turn this turns out to be one of the best financial decisions they're ever going to make, because Bibb makes it happen.

50:34

He finds one day that there's a circus up for sale for pretty cheap.

"I paid only $50,000 for the entire operation. Think of it, boy. A genuine circus with lions, flying trapeze, a sword swallowers, and a girly show. Marvelous. Of course, the tent had holes in it. The lions had mange. It was the real stuff. The king of rube shows. The climax of my career. I was the ringmaster, boy. I immediately began to rejuvenate the circus and had a band stand constructed which closely resembled a gaping set of upper and lower teeth. The redcoated musicians looked as if they were about to be chewed up by the superersized teeth. I called it Painless Parker's Dental Circus and it staged performances in towns up and down the coast of California."

He says that while other circuses continue to fail and diminish, his with all this love and care put into it actually does pretty well. This is around the time that he says he extracted the 357 teeth in one day and had the necklace made. But although it is fun, he knows that the circus is not a long-term amazing financial decision. And eventually, with the help of his wife's urging, he does sell it. Tells himself once again, "This is it. I
retire from street dentistry. I'm going to focus on my offices. I, painless Parker. I'm going to get normaler." He lied.

"One afternoon, as I was walking down San Francisco's Howard Street, I happened to observe a local sidewalk evangelist preaching to a small group of individuals. This self-made man of religion calling himself the cardinal had devised his own religion and was seeking converts. I couldn't stand the painfully amateurish job this evangelist was doing. It was enough to turn a man's stomach. After taking all that I could, I laid my gloved hand on the evangelist's arm and said, "Brother, before hearing your golden words, I was charging ahead in life down this sidewalk, merely contented to seek worldly gain. Now it's different. I've just received the call to speak to your little flock here, if you don't object." The evangelist was somewhat taken back, but stepped down from his soapbox to allow me to ascend to the sidewalk pulpit. "Flock," I said, "God hates a man who neglects his teeth..."

43:38:

The next decade is going to be a insane financial success for them. And might I just say, Painless was born to be an eccentric rich person. You know, when rich people are just fucking boring and wear $2,000 beige sweatpants and it's like, come on, man. If you're going to if you're going to have stupid money, at least do something weird with it. Painless delivers. He is always as weird and showy and gaudy as possible, and I like that about him.

"In 1904, I bought a Pope Toledo 4 gasoline powered car. The five passenger automobile, which cost me about $3,500, was considered to be a very flashy number in its day, but it wasn't fancy enough for the new owner. I had every square inch of olive drab paint removed from its body and wheels and replaced by gold leaf. Likewise, the black upholstery was replaced with bright red leather. The vehicle was kept so brightly polished that when I drove it down the street, traffic would come to a complete stop as I chugged majestically past."

47:56:

He winds up buying a failing dental office in a supposed partnership with the elderly dentist who's already running it, who is this guy named Dr. Fram.

"I put on my bulletridden top hat, my tails, ascot tie, and wore all 12 karat worth of diamonds. I drove to Dr. Fram's office and told him, 'Get your forceps limbered up. You're going to need them. I'm going out on the streets to dig us up some worms.' I grabbed a two-tone klaxon, a set of Swiss bells, and a small portable organ. That morning, I drove my beautiful red peerless automobile down to Los Angeles and found the busiest intersection I could locate. The car had a big round sign on the side with my Painless Parker name painted on it. I shortcircuited my peerless so that it would backfire, then set off a string of firecrackers next to the car, cranked up the klaxon, and rang the bells. In 1906, automobiles were still considered a rarity, especially those painted bright red. People came running from every direction, expecting to witness a spectacle of an expensive car about to self-destruct. In a matter of minutes, I was standing up on the seat in my automobile. Then, in what I consider to be my most booming voice, I began my famous lecture on the terrors of tooth neglect."

Dr. Fran just stops showing up one day. He's just like, "No, it's not worth it anymore."

31:27:

"I blew my bugle until a good-sized crowd had gathered. 'Ladies and gents,' I bellowed out in frustration. You see before you a poor plain honest itinerant tooth-hoister hounded like a criminal by the ethical dentists to this godless wilderness. And what for? Because I dared to cut prices and advertise.'

"At that moment a pistol shot from the back row lifted my top hat from my head. [That was bullet hole number three.]

"'I'm Parson JB Towers,' shouted the marksman, waving a huge shooting iron. 'And I don't aim to hear this fair territory called godless by little runs in the pay of Satan!'"

25:08:

They stop in various small towns along the way doing the door to door dentistry thing and they actually make a lot of money doing that. The problem is they've got a talent for spending it as well. He tells this one story about how they had bought a ton of alcohol on one of their train stops. And then they get back on the train and they share the alcohol with their besties, the train crew, who then get so drunk that he and Jack have to drive the fucking train.

"I put out the lanterns and did the other necessary chores in the caboose while Jack did the honors with the engine, more or less under the direction of the inebriated engineer. I expected that we would go off the tracks any moment. Eventually, the crew sobered up enough to take the train into Montreal station."